Poem For My Book Draft!

Tagged: Poetry

This topic has 21 replies, 10 voices, and was last updated 2 years, 10 months ago by TheLobsterLover.

Viewing 7 posts - 16 through 22 (of 22 total)

← 1 2

Author

Posts
February 13, 2022 at 9:39 am #109058
GodlyFantasy12
@godlyfantasy12
- Rank: Chosen One
- Total Posts: 6647
@thelobsterlover

What about “Pitch black fury, blind with rage.”

would that help?

#IfMarcelDiesIRiot
#ProtectMarcel
#ProtectSeb
February 13, 2022 at 9:40 am #109059
Power
@power
- Rank: Knight in Shining Armor
- Total Posts: 340
@godlyfantasy12

A good thesaurus comes in very handy. 😉

You will love what you spend time with.
February 13, 2022 at 1:11 pm #109060
Katherine
@mkfairygirl
- Rank: Knight in Shining Armor
- Total Posts: 549
@godlyfantasy12 Whoa, I LOVE IT!!!!!!!! 😀 It was enjoyable to read, and I LOVE the rhyme you had going on!!!!! FANTASTIC poem, girl!!!!!! 😀

My only suggestion is that it seemed like there needed to be a period between “dreams” and “Pitch” in this part –> “shattered dreams, Pitch black“.

"It looks like a fairy world"~Meg from Little Women by Louisa May Alcott
Fall in love with Jesus
February 13, 2022 at 6:20 pm #109063
Autumn Rebecca
@autumn-rebecca
- Rank: Wise Jester
- Total Posts: 57
Wow. This is truly beautiful and captivating. Memorizing and awe-inspiring. You did a beautiful job!

Side note: I can be hard to captivate… Something has to majorly hook me for me to be able to feel it. But this… Wow. I felt it. Before the moral of the poem was spoken, I could tell that there was something deep within it.

I wish that I knew more about the technical side of poetry, but it seems as if you have gotten caught a bit of advice on that side of things. I hope I have been able to offer a good reader’s perspective. 😂

As others have mentioned, the formating is a bit strange for a poem. It is in a book, though. Depending on the scenario, it could work.

Words have the ability to touch the darkest souls... The receiver must simply allow them to.
February 16, 2022 at 1:39 pm #109099
Lydia S.
@lydia-s
- Rank: Knight in Shining Armor
- Total Posts: 399
@godlyfantasy12

Lovely poem!!! It looks like @thelobsterlover and @power did a phenomenal job explaining everything, so there’s not much for me to say, other than great job! 😀
February 17, 2022 at 11:43 am #109146
Ava Coulter
@avacoulter
- Rank: Wise Jester
- Total Posts: 50
Wow that was so good, like how?! I’m not good a poetry, so I don’t have any suggestions for you but just yeah…

No words. That was amazing!

That which is striking and beautiful is not always good, but that which is good is always beautiful.
February 23, 2022 at 5:39 am #109243
TheLobsterLover
@thelobsterlover
- Rank: Charismatic Rebel
- Total Posts: 28
@godlyfantasy12

Your welcome. I’m gad I could be of help

“Pitch black fury, blind with rage.”

That is PERFECT. I love it, and I can’t really say why. It just creates this imagery of something…almost hell-ish, if you know what I mean.
- This reply was modified 2 years, 10 months ago by TheLobsterLover.
Hmm, how shall I emotionally torture my ocs today I wonder...
Author

Posts