Poem For My Book Draft!

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  • #109058
    GodlyFantasy12
    @godlyfantasy12
      • Rank: Chosen One
      • Total Posts: 6645

      @thelobsterlover

      What about β€œPitch black fury, blind with rage.”

      would that help?

      #IfMarcelDiesIRiot
      #ProtectMarcel
      #ProtectSeb

      #109059
      Power
      @power
        • Rank: Knight in Shining Armor
        • Total Posts: 309

        @godlyfantasy12

        A good thesaurus comes in very handy. πŸ˜‰

        You will love what you spend time with.

        #109060
        Katherine
        @mkfairygirl
          • Rank: Knight in Shining Armor
          • Total Posts: 549

          @godlyfantasy12 Whoa, I LOVE IT!!!!!!!! πŸ˜€ It was enjoyable to read, and I LOVE the rhyme you had going on!!!!! FANTASTIC poem, girl!!!!!! πŸ˜€

          My only suggestion is that it seemed like there needed to be a period between “dreams” and “Pitch” in this part –> “shattered dreams, Pitch black“.

          "It looks like a fairy world"~Meg from Little Women by Louisa May Alcott
          Fall in love with Jesus

          #109063
          Autumn Rebecca
          @autumn-rebecca
            • Rank: Wise Jester
            • Total Posts: 57

            Wow. This is truly beautiful and captivating. Memorizing and awe-inspiring. You did a beautiful job!

            Side note: I can be hard to captivate… Something has to majorly hook me for me to be able to feel it. But this… Wow. I felt it. Before the moral of the poem was spoken, I could tell that there was something deep within it.

            I wish that I knew more about the technical side of poetry, but it seems as if you have gotten caught a bit of advice on that side of things. I hope I have been able to offer a good reader’s perspective. πŸ˜‚

            As others have mentioned, the formating is a bit strange for a poem. It is in a book, though. Depending on the scenario, it could work.

            Words have the ability to touch the darkest souls... The receiver must simply allow them to.

            #109099
            Lydia S.
            @lydia-s
              • Rank: Knight in Shining Armor
              • Total Posts: 399

              @godlyfantasy12

              Lovely poem!!! It looks like @thelobsterlover and @power did a phenomenal job explaining everything, so there’s not much for me to say, other than great job! πŸ˜€

              #109146
              Ava Coulter
              @avacoulter
                • Rank: Wise Jester
                • Total Posts: 50

                Wow that was so good, like how?! I’m not good a poetry, so I don’t have any suggestions for you but just yeah…

                No words. That was amazing!

                That which is striking and beautiful is not always good, but that which is good is always beautiful.

                #109243
                TheLobsterLover
                @thelobsterlover
                  • Rank: Charismatic Rebel
                  • Total Posts: 28

                  @godlyfantasy12

                  Your welcome. I’m gad I could be of help

                  “Pitch black fury, blind with rage.”

                  That is PERFECT. I love it, and I can’t really say why. It just creates this imagery of something…almost hell-ish, if you know what I mean.

                  Hmm, how shall I emotionally torture my ocs today I wonder...

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