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I guess some of both? Like what the Andromedans would call Him, as well as new names for what the humans could call Him?
I’m assuming we’re still just thinking about the Andromedans alone, but I mean phonetically in their tongue, vs translated titles. For example, a name for Christ in Andromedan could be Tlavian (I don’t remember any actual Andromedan phonemes, so I’m just making stuff up right now. We’ll need to find the original posts where we worked that stuff out), but we could also get the translated title into English, let’s say that Tlavian actually means Redemptive-one, or something like that. So when writing your story, you could use purely Andromedan phonemes, or you could use English translations of the names, or both depending on what you find appropriate.
He is perfect in Justice, yet He is perfect in Mercy, even when we fail Him. For this, He is good.
I actually do show a scene of the kids working in the next chapter, and then a couple chapters after that…just wait XD
Okay, good ideas!
I just don’t know how to reveal it all…because those ideas sound so good but when I try to do stuff like that it feels either rushed or too slow 😭😭😭 I’ll figure it out somehow lol
And there are more run-ins with Lilitu and the other races coming…hehehe
Lukas&Livia
#Lalbert
Sef&Chase
#HOTTOLINE
LEFSE FOREVER!!!!!! <333Okay, Tlavian it is! XD why are you so good at this!?!?!
Lukas&Livia
#Lalbert
Sef&Chase
#HOTTOLINE
LEFSE FOREVER!!!!!! <333Hold your horses now😅 We can do something like Tlavian if you want, it’s just the first thing that came to my head, but does it actually match the Andromedan language we worked out some time back? If not, we can either change the langauge, or change the word.
He is perfect in Justice, yet He is perfect in Mercy, even when we fail Him. For this, He is good.
hahaha
okay
let me go back real quick then…
Lukas&Livia
#Lalbert
Sef&Chase
#HOTTOLINE
LEFSE FOREVER!!!!!! <333This is the language we came up with…kind of:
All the consonants you gave:
t l n m r k s p sh b f v z d j g w th
Vowels:
let’s just say it’s English vowels for now.
These are the “swears” we came up with:
Scist (Scisto)Dissar (Dissaros)
And idk what else…XD
Lukas&Livia
#Lalbert
Sef&Chase
#HOTTOLINE
LEFSE FOREVER!!!!!! <333@ellette-giselle @anyone-else
Next chapter…be warned…this one is a little *coughs* sad…and dark and it deals with a really sad reality in our world. So continue reading at your own risk.
Chapter 8
Sticks and Stones
Sef cowered before the large man, blinking back tears.
She wanted to scream with frustration. She had been late again!
She knew better than anyone that she couldn’t afford to get her pay docked again. She was already paid hardly nothing for all the hours she spent grooming Lord Kindroth’s horses, and she worked another job at the sorting bins to make up for the weeks her mother had missed because of her sickness.
But if Sihnion cared at all, he did a horrible job of showing it.
He struck her across the face, leaving an angry welt on her cheek.
She flinched.
“I’m sorry,” she lowered her eyes. “It won’t happen again.”
“It better not,” he spat on the ground. “or else you’ll get your pay cut in half,” he sneered. “It’s not like your father’s bringing home the paycheck,” he laughed coldly, and turned away.
She shook her head, trying to ward off his words.
Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.
She almost laughed at the stupidity of that phrase, for words had cut her deeper than any blade ever could.
“Sef!”
Sef felt her frustration rising at the way her heart leapt in her chest at the familiar voice.
She turned around, tucking her dark hair behind her ear as Cassian crossed the yard, desperately hoping that the curtain of her dark hair would hide the red marks on her cheek where Kindroth’s son had slapped her.
The last thing she needed right now was more people pitying her. It was bad enough that her father had left her mother for another woman, bad enough that her mother had been hurt by a Pythonos and was now sick, and now she had Azazel and Indie and their whole family pitying them! She was tired of relying on other people, angry that she could do nothing to provide for herself and for her mother.
She waited for Cassian to catch up with her, annoyed by how good he looked with the wind playing with his hair. Angrily, she shoved down the butterflies in her stomach.
Dropping her eyes down, she noticed her hands-red and raw from hours of work. Sometimes the nobles mocked her, telling her that she should buy a pair of gloves. They knew well that she could barely afford to feed and clothe herself, let alone gloves. Besides, soon calluses would form and the blisters would heal. Her hands should be the least of her worries.
“How’s it going?” Cassian caught up with her, the height difference between them painfully obvious—evidence of the six year age gap between them.
See? He’s too old for you anyway. Sef scrambled at anything to suppress her feelings for him, but they simply wouldn’t go away, nagging at her and making her heart ache.
Cassian was like a brother to her….she couldn’t have him.
His heart belonged to another.
Or at least, that’s what she told herself. She couldn’t let herself dare to hope…it was easier to believe that he loved another, than to convince herself he wanted her and have her hopes be dashed to pieces when he chose someone else.
“Fine,” Sef shrugged. “Same as always.”
Don’t look into his eyes, she warned herself, knowing that she’d be lost in them.
“What happened to your face?” Cassian stopped, and the concern written on his face made Sef die a little inside.
“Nothing,” she turned away, but Cass’s hand shot out, grabbing her chin and turning her face towards him. Electricity shot through Sef’s body, and she desperately hoped that she wasn’t blushing, but her face burned with the heat of a million suns.
“Who hit you?” he narrowed his eyes, and let her go.
“Sihnion. Kindroth’s son,” she whispered.
Cassian let out a sigh, shaking his head. Sef lowered her eyes. She knew there was nothing Cassian could do, either.
“Mahnith told me to tell you that you and your mani are invited to have dinner with us tonight,” he abruptly changed the subject. “If your mani’s up to it, that is.”
Sef’s pride flared, knowing that Indie only invited them because she felt sorry for them, but Sef supposed it was better to have wounded pride than an empty stomach.
“I’ll ask.”
Cassian smirked. “Good, because Lilitu was really hoping you’d come,” he laughed, and then walked away.
Sef watched him go, a quizzical expression written on her face .
What was that supposed to mean?
*** Trigger Warning ***
Sef pulled the door closed behind her, shaking the thick coating of dust off of her bare feet.She sighed in relief.
She was home.
Warmth radiated through the small parcel of food, warming her cold hands as she slipped her shawl from her shoulders.
“Sef?” her mother called from the kitchen. Sef looked up in surprise, noticing now that a dim light illuminated the hallway. “Is that you?”
“Yes,” Sef said, walking towards the kitchen. She couldn’t remember the last time her mother had been awake when she got home from dinner, and it was even later now, for she had just gotten back from dinner at Azazel and Indie’s house.
Neveah wasn’t feeling well enough to join them, but Indie insisted on at least sending some food back with Sef.
As Sef entered the kitchen, she saw Neveah sitting at the table, dark green hair framing her face.
“You’re up late,” she remarked, sitting across from her mother and pushing the parcel of food across the table.
“I wanted to talk to you,” Neveah smiled, carefully unwrapping the food. “What’s this?”
“Indie made chicken pie,” Sef told her, reliving every morsel of the delicious food.
“It’s been so long since I had chicken pie,” Neveah said softly. “Your father used to make it all the time…” her voice trailed off as she gazed, entranced, at the steaming pie.
“What did you want to talk to me about?” Sef shifted uncomfortably on her chair.
Neveah took a deep breath.
“Do you remember, weeks ago, when the Pythonos…hurt me?” Her face was ghostly pale, like the twin moons peeking in through the windows.
“Yes,” Sef whispered.
“And then I became sick,” she continued.
There was a moment of dreadful silence, and then she let out a sob. “Oh, Sef, I’m scared,” she covered her face with her hands, rocking back and forth. “I’m so, so scared.”
Sef went to her mahnith, putting her arms around her, willing her to stop crying.
She hated it when her mother cried.
Because her mother was the strongest person she knew.
And if even she was falling apart…then something was wrong…no, beyond wrong.
“Why?” Sef’s voice was small and soft in the large room.
“I’m pregnant, Sef,” Neveah swallowed hard, wiping away the last of the tears, putting on a mask of calm. “And the father is a Pythonos. The father is Rrath Seimerdrur.”
***
In an instant, Sef’s world imploded.No.
“I was walking home from work…” Neveah took Sef’s hand, and held it so tight that Sef fought the urge to pull away. But she held on, held on as if her life depended on it, as if the simple action would hold their family together. “And there was a group of Pythonos in the street. They were drunk.”
No. Anger constricted Sef’s throat. Not my mahnith. How could they?
“I kept my head down and was going to walk past them, but they grabbed me, and-and-”
Now she was crying again.
“Sef, I don’t know what to do!” eyes glistening with unshed tears, she cradled Sef’s cheek. “How can we provide for a baby?”
“I don’t know,” Sef whispered, tears of her own trickling down her cheeks in silver rivulets. “I can work harder-”
“No.” Neveah said sharply. “You’re already working too much.”
“We don’t have any other choice!”
“I’m sorry, Sef. I’m not the mahnith you need. I can’t provide for you,” she turned away. “I can hardly provide for myself.”
Sef and her mother held each other, tears mixing with tears, bitterness and desperation and heartache and grief mingling together all at once.
And the unanswered question that they were both screaming silently, the question filled with anger and pain and hurt…so much hurt….
Why?
Lukas&Livia
#Lalbert
Sef&Chase
#HOTTOLINE
LEFSE FOREVER!!!!!! <333Wow, that definitely did take a dark turn. I’M EXCITED TO SEE WHAT HAPPENS THOUGH!
Now Sef will have a baby brother or sister! Man, what a dark way for that to happen though. It’s going to be cool seeing Sef’s protective big sibling side come out!
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
Critique for chapter 7:
Really strong chapter! It really shows Lilitu’s struggles, which is something I don’t really remember from previous drafts. Like everyone else is saying, I like how you’re making Cassian a bigger character this time.
My only question would be, how did Lilitu survive? It seems like the Aquinos were totally ready to kill him, but then they didn’t. If it’s supposed to be surprising, maybe add a line where someone comments on that.
Chapter 8
“And the father is a Pythonos. The father is Rrath Seimerdrur.”
Wow, that’s a big twist from last time.
I don’t have much else to say. Both of these were good chapters!
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There’s more sad where that came from
heh…heh…
Okay, I’ll have Cassian say something XD it will probably trigger Lilitu’s temper though lol
Yeah…it is…
Don’t worry you guys, I’m not just being dark to be dark, there is a purpose behind it!!!! Just wait haha
Lukas&Livia
#Lalbert
Sef&Chase
#HOTTOLINE
LEFSE FOREVER!!!!!! <333Ummmmmm
There’s more sad where that came from
heh…heh…
Hey, I’m up for anything…… as long as it’s not an abortion. If she aborts the baby in any way there will be problems because there is NO excuse EVER for that.
So, besides that, go ahead and do anything you like! ;D
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
Chapter 8
Monster
What am I doing?
Frustration built up in Lilitu’s chest until he wanted to scream.
But he couldn’t scream….or else Adar would find him.
Cass isn’t going to come bail you out this time, he pressed his lips together in a thin line. You have to figure it out yourself.
He tried to find a comfortable position, pressed between the boxes and the brick wall, tried to slow his breathing so it didn’t sound like the panting of a wild dog, but as time passed, it became quickly apparent that neither was possible.
He shifted the loaf of bread in his arms, trying to protect it from being crushed by his body.
His only option now, was to stay as still as possible and pray that the Azers didn’t find him.
If they find me, they’ll report me to the Pythonos. There’s no more second chances.
He fought the sudden urge to punch something. Or someone.
Why am I risking my life for a loaf of bread?
He appraised the pastry, cradled in his arms like a newborn infant. It wasn’t even the best loaf out there….he shook his head.
This is dumb.
He was thirteen now, much too old to be running around like a common crook…but desperate times called for desperate measures, and if this wasn’t desperate, he didn’t know what was.
Voices drifted through the marketplace, familiar voices that made the walls close in even tighter.
“Where is the little rat?”
“Did you see his foot? He can’t have gotten far. We’ll find him. We’ll find him and make him pay.”
Hours later, it was apparent that the Azers were much better at empty threats than making good on their promises, for while they were occupied with quite literal explosive fits of rage, which resulted in the burning of their merchandise, Lilitu was tucked safely away in his hiding place, watching as flames spat from their hands and curled around anything too unfortunate to get out of their path.
He shuddered, knowing full well that that cart that was now a pile of ashes, could have been him.
When Lilitu finally dared to crawl out from behind the boxes, it was well after dark, and the market was eerily quiet.
Stretching out his limbs, he hissed between his teeth as pins and needles jabbed at his nerves, and he bit his lip to keep from crying out.
He rubbed his club foot until the pain subsided long enough for him to put weight on it.
It ached, but he was used to the constant dull pain.
“Lilitu!”
Lilitu looked around, and saw Livia walking towards him, her horse Xandro close behind her. Her blue hair billowed out behind her in the slight breeze and her piercing blue eyes appraised the situation before Lilitu had time to explain.
“Stealing again, are we?” She nodded towards the bread Lilitu still held in his arms.
“You know it,” he laughed bitterly.
Thunder rumbled overhead, and a mist reached Lilitu’s face, borne on the wind.
Xandro stepped around Liv and snorted in his ear.
“Hey, boy,” Lilitu scratched under his azure mane.
“You don’t have to do that.”
“What?” He looked up, startled to find Liv had closed the distance between the two of them, leaving only inches between the two of them. He felt his cheeks grew hot as he realized how close they really were.
“Steal. My family’s rich…they’d help.”
“You better not say that too loudly,” Lilitu reminded her, looking around as if the buildings surrounding them had ears. Livia’s family, one of the wealthiest Aquinos in Lir, were secretly Payne sympathizers. If they were found out…Lilitu shuddered. There was no telling what the Pythonos could and certainly would do to them.
But Livia’s gaze pierced right through him, as she stared into his eyes. Lilitu looked down at the ground, uncomfortable. Why was she looking at him like that?
“Please let us help,” she said, compassion softening her features.
He took a step backwards. “I-It’s fine.” His pride flared again. I don’t need anyone.
“It’s not.” she shook her head, seeing right through his facade. “Your family is practically starving, and you’re stealing from Azers-”
“Don’t remind me,” Lilitu cut her off, glaring at her, trying to ignore the hurt that flashed into her eyes. She started picking at something in Xandro’s mane, looking away. But Lilitu couldn’t stop. “Just because you’re so rich doesn’t mean we want your stupid money!” Liv flinched. Shut up! Lilitu warned himself, but the words slipped out before he could clamp his lips shut. “I don’t need any help,” he snapped, whirling on his heel and leaving her alone.
Had Lilitu looked back, he would have seen Livia look up, blue eyes watering with hurt, gazing at him with longing.
When the cloud of anger cleared, guilt settled over Lilitu in its place.
He was tired of every little thing setting him off.
Why couldn’t he be more like Cassian?
Cassian would’ve gratefully accepted any help he could have gotten.
Why was it so hard?
Why was it that the harder Lilitu tried to be good enough, he always fell short?
His temper was like a monster inside of him, constantly rearing its ugly head…he hated it.
He hated himself.
The monster was quiet for now….but when it stirred, there was no stopping it.
Lilitu kicked a rock with his good foot, trying to relieve the pressure building up in his chest. But all it did was stub his toe.
Lukas&Livia
#Lalbert
Sef&Chase
#HOTTOLINE
LEFSE FOREVER!!!!!! <333Hey, I’m up for anything…… as long as it’s not an abortion. If she aborts the baby in any way there will be problems because there is NO excuse EVER for that.
So, besides that, go ahead and do anything you like! ;D
Oh I didn’t even THINK of that…so don’t worry!!!!!!
I promise there will be no abortions…
I agree there is no excuse, we live in such a MESSED UP world!
Lukas&Livia
#Lalbert
Sef&Chase
#HOTTOLINE
LEFSE FOREVER!!!!!! <333Oh I didn’t even THINK of that…so don’t worry!!!!!!
I promise there will be no abortions…
I agree there is no excuse, we live in such a MESSED UP world!
Awesome!! Glad we’re on the same line there!
I really liked the next chapter, though I really hate it when people get stubborn like that.
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
Snake’s teeth.
(don’t mind that it’s just my personal expression of surprise)If you don’t mind me asking, are you over 16?? Because man, that chapter with what happened to Sef’s mom is a DARK thing for a young teenager to be writing about.
I hope I’m correct in assuming that the book will be 16+ as well because oof……that may be the darkest thing I’ve ever seen on this site……
I’m not telling you not to write it by the way. The story and worldbuilding are amazing, and I’ve written some terrifying stuff myself (nothing like THAT, though)
also, what exactly are Pythonos may I ask? Because I see from other parts of the story that humans and Andromedans can interbreed, creating Paynes, and they can all become Pythonos (I’m assuming there are no Payne Pythonos but it’s possible considering the parent species), but what is different about all these different types?
"When in doubt, eat cheese crackers."-me to my charries who don't even know about cheese crackers
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