- This topic has 304 replies, 15 voices, and was last updated 3 months, 1 week ago by
.
-
Posts
-
Oh man, this is gonna get rough. Not much to say yet. Sorry!!! I’m more of a plot critic then format critic. I’m still waiting to see how this all plays out.
Thanks for reading this because it keeps me from slacking off when people are expecting new chapters XD
SAME!!! And btw, did I tag you on Let There Be Light’s WIP?
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
Haha you’re good!
But question– do you think it’s too dark?
Huh I don’t know if you tagged me or not, I’ll look at it sometime today!!! 👍👍
Lukas&Livia
#Lalbert
Sef&Chase
#HOTTOLINE
LEFSE FOREVER!!!!!! <333But question– do you think it’s too dark?
Nope, not at all. I think I did worse in Against All Odds. (The one I’ve been posting snippets of in the Chat Chat) It’s good. I say keep it for sure! I mean, they did it in Wingfeather and no one complained about those books being too dark. Annnnd they did it in Green Ember, taking all the child rabbits to EAT them. You’re totally good.
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
Thanks!
I’m just trying to be super careful that I’m still honoring God with my writing. And I’m also paranoid about my writing XD
Lukas&Livia
#Lalbert
Sef&Chase
#HOTTOLINE
LEFSE FOREVER!!!!!! <333I’m just trying to be super careful that I’m still honoring God with my writing. And I’m also paranoid about my writing XD
I’d say so far you’ve hit the nail on the head.
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
@savannah_grace2009 honestly, the only thing about your story that I found iffy for me was the whole Rath-doing-what-he-did-to-Sef’s-mom thing, and I already stated that that’s ok to leave in there if you warn people what they’re getting into before they start the book. Like @ellette-giselle said, Wingfeather and Green Ember have had their villains do some dreadful things, and they’re still good kids’ books.
Where'd I get ya this time? The liver? The kidney? I'm runnin' outta places to put holes in ya.
Chapter 14
A Mahnith’s Call
Sef lay awake, tossing and turning.
She was worried about her mahnith.
Any day now, Neveah could start labor, and in a matter of weeks, the Pythonos would be back.
How could they lose the baby?
They couldn’t.
Sef refused to give the baby up, especially to the Pythonos. She knew what the Pythonos would do to the child…and the thought made her shiver.
They were pure evil…how could anyone willingly give up a child into their hands?
And it wasn’t just the fact of keeping the baby hidden from the Pythonos.
Neveah had been forced to stay in the house, hidden from sight. Anyone could turn her in if they found out she kept her child and receive a large sum of money, not only condemning the infant, but Neveah as well.
I can’t do this anymore, Sef whispered, closing her eyes and sending her prayer up to the heavens.
Just please…we can’t lose the baby too.
And then her eyes drifted closed.
*****
In a different part of Wrallethom Heights, Lilitu lay awake, tossing and turning.He was worried about Sef.
His family was possibly the only souls who knew of Sef and Neveah’s plight, and it had to stay that way.
How could Sef keep going like this? She was overworked, on the brink of starvation, and he could tell she was more than stressed.
And losing her sister—or brother, would destroy her.
He had to do something.
But what?
*****
A scream shattered the night.Instantly, Sef was wide awake.
She knew that voice…
Mani.
Without hesitation, she threw off her covers and ran to her mother’s room.
Shouldering open the door, she was at her mahnith’s side at an instant.
It was exactly what she feared.
Neveah lay tangled in the sweat soaked sheets, convulsing with pain and crying out in agony.
“It’s the baby—” she gasped. “Something’s wrong!”
Sef tried to take a deep breath, tried to slow her racing thoughts, but it was no use. “What do I do?” her voice was strained, high pitched, and not her own.
“Go-” Neveah’s voice was so weak that Sef had to place her ear against her mani’s lips to make out the words. “Run, get Indie, she will help.”
Sef hesitated. The thought of her mahnith, here, alone…crying with agony brought tears to her eyes.
“I can’t leave you here alone-”
“Yes, you can,” Neveah said firmly, grabbing Sef’s hand and squeezing it. “I love you my little bird. Now, go-” her words trailed off and melted into another cry.
Tears blurred her vision, but Sef nodded, looking at her mahnith one last time, before leaving her mahnith and darting out the door into the cold, dark night.
Nervous energy filled her veins, and she flew over the rough stones, not even feeling the sharp stones jabbing the soles of her feet.
She didn’t even notice how tired she was until she flung herself on Lilitu’s porch moments later.
Her legs shook, and she tumbled to the bottom of the door frame. Taking a deep breath, she raised a trembling fist to the chipping wood, and….
Pounded on the door with all her might.
The noise made her flinch, surprising herself. The whole house seemed to shudder, but she would keep knocking until the door was opened.
She was beginning to worry that nobody was even inside the house, when the door suddenly flew open, hinges wailing in protest.
From her position on the ground, Sef could make out Azazel’s shadowed face, looking down at her in surprise.
“Sef?” Azazel stared, as if trying to make sure it was her. “What are you doing outside this late?” His face softened in concern as the situation dawned on him. “Your mahnith,” he realized, just as Sef began to explain.
“It’s my mahnith,” she gasped, taking Azazel’s hand as he helped her to her feet. “Something’s wrong…the baby’s coming-”
“Come inside,” Azazel interrupted her, gently leading her inside. “Your hands are like ice.”
Sef didn’t realize how cold she really was until he sat her down on the rug in front of the hot coals in the fireplace. The moment the wave of searing heat swept over her, she shook uncontrollably, unsure if it was because of how cold she was, or the adrenaline.
Her thoughts swirled…why am I here?
And then the emotions were back…her mani needed her!
“Wh-where’s I-Indie?” her teeth wouldn’t stop chattering, and she doubled over, tucking her knees to her chest and scooting closer to the fire.
“What’s wrong?” she heard Indie’s soft voice behind her, an answer to her question.
She turned around and looked into Indie’s soft violet eyes, reflecting the warm light of the fire. Her calm presence was contagious, and Sef felt like she could breathe again.
“My mani started labor…she needs you, she told me to come get you-” her words were lost as another tremor shook her body.
Indie nodded, enveloping Sef in a motherly embrace, and then rushing to the door, Azazel close behind her. “Cassian, watch over her,” Azazel directed. In her peripheral, Sef saw Cass walk into the room and sit in the rocking chair on the other side of the fireplace.
“I’ll do what I can,” Indie looked at Sef, and smiled as if to reassure her. “I’ll come get you if something happens.”
“No, I have to see her-” Sef began, but the door closed, and they were gone.
Sef tried to stand up to follow them, but the fire felt so good.
Before she realized what was happening, she found herself curled up on the orange and purple floral rug, head resting on the ground.
Her eyes drifted closed…
*****
Lilitu started awake at the sound of the door slamming closed, followed by the familiar rattling of the walls.What?
He stumbled out of bed in a daze, slowly rubbing his eyes as he walked to the living room.
He froze when he saw Sef curled up in front of the fire like a kitten, fast asleep.
Cassian was passed out in the rocking chair across the room.
That is, until Lilitu’s foot cramped and he fell to the ground with a loud thud and a crash that rattled the dishes in the cupboards.
He looked up to see Cass, now awake, stifling a laugh.
Lilitu was too tired to care.
“What’s going on?” he mumbled, picking himself up off the ground.
“Go back to sleep,” Cass whispered, “before you wake her up too.”
“But-”
“You’ll hear about it later,” Cass said gently, coming over to him and putting a hand on Lilitu’s shoulder, steering him towards his room. “Oh, and Lilitu?” he smirked. “Next time, remember to put clothes on.”
Lilitu frowned in confusion, but then he looked down.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He let out a yelp and sprinted back down the hall, leaving Cass standing in the living room, trying to keep from laughing out loud and failing miserably.
*****
Sef opened her eyes to Indie shaking her awake.She sat up, looking wildly around, alert.
“My mani-”
“Come see for yourself!” She could tell Indie was trying to be mysterious and surprise her, but Sef could tell instantly that both her mahnith and the baby were all right by the joy in Indie’s eyes.
Sef leapt to her feet and was out the door before Indie had time to say anything else.
****
“Lilitu, wake up, you slacker,” Lilitu opened his eyes to Eloy slugging him in the face with what was quite possibly the hardest pillow Lilitu had ever felt.
Either that, or Eloy was just being especially aggressive this morning.
“What is wrong with you?” Lilitu yelled, clobbering Eloy with a pillow of his own.
“Whoa,” Eloy took a step back, holding his hands up in surrender. “Took you long enough. You’ve been out for hours.”
“I’m up, I’m up,” Lilitu climbed out of bed, dodging yet another flying pillow.
“You have work, and you haven’t even eaten yet,” Eloy chided, shaking his head. “Oh, also, I forgot to mention, Neveah had the baby.”
Lilitu’s eyes bugged out of his head. “Why didn’t anyone wake me up?”
“Cass said you woke up on your own, but came out naked,” Eloy snickered. “Cass should’ve woken me up for that. Good thing Sef was sleeping,” he teased.
Sef. “Where is she? Can I see her?” Lilitu tried to force back the goofy smile he’d been told that he aquired whenever he pictured her.
“Wow, you really are in love,” Eloy stared at him. “Cass was right, for once,” he nodded slowly.
Lilitu let out a yell of rage and tackled Eloy—or tried to. Eloy caught his foot and flipped him on the ground as if he were a small child. “Nice try.”
“Let me up so I can teach you a lesson,” Lilitu balled his hands into fists, trying to squirm out from under Eloy’s foot, which was strategically placed on his chest.
“Nah, I think I’ll keep you here for a while,” Eloy drawled. “You look better down there…far away.”
*****
Sef dashed through the streets, alone, darting between the people blocking her path.What if the Pythonos catch me? The nagging fear was ever present.
They won’t…I’ll just run faster.
Just to be sure, she took another deep breath. There was not even a trace of the foul smell that was associated with evil.
She continued to run, retracing her path from the night before, except this time she added many twists and turns to shake anyone following her. The last thing she wanted was a greedy Payne following her straight to her mother.
Her bare feet kicked up plumes of dust and the ground was cracked. She couldn’t remember the last time it rained…
But who cared about a drought? Nothing else mattered now…her mani was alright and she had a new baby in her family!
She couldn’t get to her house quickly enough.
Finally, after what seemed like hours—but was mere minutes—she was bursting open the door…running to her mother’s room…
And then she was crying…and Neveah was crying, and even Azazel—who watched from the doorway—looked like he might cry as Sef ran to her mani, tears of joy spilling down her cheeks.
Because, in a small crib next to Neveah’s bed, lay a small infant. Her eyes were closed, her mouth was upturned in a perfect smile…
Sef knew at once that this was the most beautiful child that she had ever laid eyes on.
“She’s beautiful,” she sobbed, falling into Neveah’s open arms. “I love her…I love her so much…and I love you too, mani,” her tears soaked Neveah’s nightgown, but neither of them cared.
“My little bird,” Neveah wept. “I love you, Sef.”
Azazel cleared his throat from the doorway. “Well? What’s her name?”
Neveah raised her eyebrows, and looked at Sef expectantly.
“Her name…” Sef closed her eyes. Great One, please help me pick the perfect name, she prayed, looking at her new sister. And then she gasped as it came to her in an instant. “Her name…” she repeated, a slow smile crossing her lips. “Is Hanna.”
“Hanna,” Neveah said. “A beautiful name,” She looked up at Sef with adoration and approval.
“Can I-can I hold her?” Sef asked, breathless, clasping her hands in front of her.
“Of course,” Neveah laughed. “You don’t have to ask me, she’s your sister.”
So Sef took her fragile sister from her crib, holding her gently. She fought back another sob. “She’s perfect, mani.”
Thank you!
If it weren’t for Hanna in her arms, Sef would have thrown up her hands and praised the Great One until she couldn’t hold up her arms another moment.
“She is,” Neveah smiled, leaning back into the pillows. “She truly is.”
Lukas&Livia
#Lalbert
Sef&Chase
#HOTTOLINE
LEFSE FOREVER!!!!!! <333Tags: @ellette-giselle @jonas @grcr (CASSIAN SCENE ALERT)
Lukas&Livia
#Lalbert
Sef&Chase
#HOTTOLINE
LEFSE FOREVER!!!!!! <333@savannah_grace2009
These past chapters have been really good!Any noun can become a verb if you don't care enough.
Aww thanks girl <333
What’s your favorite one so far? (Or character or scene)
Lukas&Livia
#Lalbert
Sef&Chase
#HOTTOLINE
LEFSE FOREVER!!!!!! <333Awwwwww!!! So sweet! Super cute.
Only critique would be this line.
looking at her mahnith one last time, before leaving her mahnith
It’s a little repetitive. Otherwise, I love it!
Also, how old are the kids now?
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
Thanks! <3
NOOOOO I CAN’T BELIEVE I DID THAT wHyYy?!?!
I’ll change it to “mani”.
Sef is 12, Lilitu is 13, Cassian is 18, Eloy’s 15.
Lukas&Livia
#Lalbert
Sef&Chase
#HOTTOLINE
LEFSE FOREVER!!!!!! <333On second thought, I’m just gonna change it to:
Tears blurred her vision, but Sef nodded, looking at her mahnith one last time, before darting out the door into the cold, dark night.
Lukas&Livia
#Lalbert
Sef&Chase
#HOTTOLINE
LEFSE FOREVER!!!!!! <333
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.