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@ariel-ashira. I loved her poem too! Thanks for answering those questions. I have noticed that I need a lot more description in my writing. Agh I really need to work on that. It is good to have a second opinion. Thank you!
Yes, @livgiordano does really good poetry. She did an awesome poem for a story we are coauthoring. It was more like a story, but just as awesome! I hope you don’t mind me saying that Liv.
Currently writing the Hostanica Files with the assistance of B-bot, my PAIA (Personal AI Assistant.)
@ariel-ashira Oh really? That was you? Congrats on getting published! And I really enjoyed your poem! XD. I’ve tried memorizing Broken. And I’ve only gotten like the first two lines.
Yup. I beat you too it. 😉
So…I would rather not let the whole world see my work, so could I share it with you through Google Docs via email?
Lol. Yes, @filewriterbase13x I totally don’t mind. It’s your story just as much as mine. And I had totally forgotten about that poem.
www.livforhim.wordpress.com
@livgiordano That would be great! My email is imexinart@gmail.com and make sure to let me know who you are in the subject line.
"In a mask, was he?"
@ariel-ashira I just sent it to you! Let me know if you get it okay. 🙂
www.livforhim.wordpress.com
@ariel-ashira I just sent it to you! Let me know if you get the email okay.
www.livforhim.wordpress.com
@livgiordano I got them. I cant wait to read them!
"In a mask, was he?"
@filewriterbase13x That’s a nice start to a story. Here’s my honest critique.
1) I would almost say it’s too detailed. Let me explain: in chapter 1 there’s a lot of backstory and explaining of the MC’s past. To me it kind of bogged down the story. I would suggest telling some of it but saving other parts for later. It would also increase the anticipation and mystery.
2) Yes, I really liked the guy in the prologue. His actions painted a vivid picture in my mind.
3) Yeah, the emotion level was good. My only critique: with Madelyn (was that her name?) it seemed like her sadness was very “one-sided” if you know what I mean. It could be more complex.
4) I would probably keep reading this story. Mainly because of the prologue.
5) I really enjoyed the mystery. Actually, it could even use a bit more.
Oh, and nice cover by the way! 😉
A Kapeefer for life!
Compendium of KP Literature: kapeeferliterature.wordpress.comYay! @supermonkey42 Thank you for critiquing this for me. It will be super helpful when I write my third draft. Too detailed? I was thinking it was not detailed enough. But I think I know what you mean. The thing is that we jump into the action at like chapter 3. So, I guess I could try to even it out between 2 and three a little more. I think that the thing is that I did not originally have a prologue. So I ended up making chapter 1 kind of like my prologue accidentally. I think what you are saying is kind of like put a little less info dumps. Yes, I definitely get that. Okay, so let me get this down. You like him? Like you think he’s a fun character or a fun guy because, well… Oh ok good. About the emotion I mean. Although I think I need to figure out how to describe emotion a little better. Hmm. I don’t really know how to make it more complex in this part. I was trying to make her sadness ALL about him going, because if that would happen to be then I would not be able to think about anything else. Of course, when you continue reading, a lot more happens and you find out a little more about her emotion. Yeah, the prologue has a lot of intriguing stuff I think, although… The rest is from Madelyn’s POV mostly. So if you liked Frederick but not Madelyn then you probably would not enjoy it so much. You know what I mean right? Yes, The mystery. More mystery? Well, it’s not supposed to be a mystery as much as a suspense adventure. Although the mystery does get more complex, I don’t know of any parts that are super mysterious, sadly. I am glad you think it’s a good start. There is a lot more to the plot and all that stuff, but I think this little critique will help me as I keep writing. So, info more spread out, work on emotion, and work on description. That last one was from another critique. Ah, why do I love that word?
Oh, and thank you for putting part three on the compendium so quickly. If you see a place where I am missing a word or misspell something, you can feel free to correct it as long as you (please) tell me about it. Because I sometimes realize some typos right after I post it. But if they aren’t a bother you can of course not worry about them, just letting you know that in case you thought that they were very annoying and wished you could just correct it but didn’t think you could. Okay, okay I’m done.
Currently writing the Hostanica Files with the assistance of B-bot, my PAIA (Personal AI Assistant.)
@filewriterbase13x It’s not that I didn’t like Madelyn. I just found Frederick especially interesting. 🙂 Sorry if I’m being too critical…the story is good.
Ah, cool. I was wondering about that a bit, but I haven’t seen many typos. Part Four made me anxious for the next one.
A Kapeefer for life!
Compendium of KP Literature: kapeeferliterature.wordpress.com@filewriterbase13x Yay! I’ll try to get to this Monday or Tuesday 🙂
I'm a Kapeefer 'TIL WE'RE OLD AND GREY!
www.jennaterese.com@supermonkey42, no you weren’t too critical, I asked for honesty and I got it. Thank you so much for that!
Okay, good thanks for helping me with that. 🙂
Currently writing the Hostanica Files with the assistance of B-bot, my PAIA (Personal AI Assistant.)
Oh, I am sorry @jenwriter17. I have not been on lately, because I have been super busy. I will give you access as soon as I find out how. 😉
Currently writing the Hostanica Files with the assistance of B-bot, my PAIA (Personal AI Assistant.)
@filewriterbase13x That’s okay. 🙂 I have access now! 😀
I'm a Kapeefer 'TIL WE'RE OLD AND GREY!
www.jennaterese.com@filewriterbase13x oh, you wanted us to leave comments in your google doc right? I was just reading it and leaving all these comments and then I couldn’t remember whether or not you asked for that.
I'm a Kapeefer 'TIL WE'RE OLD AND GREY!
www.jennaterese.com
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