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Ok, guys. I really wanted to try this, and I think (hope) I will learn a lot of stuff from this. I hope you guys will help me by honestly critiquing this. What is here is my prologue and almost all of chapter 1. My writing is basically the same all the way through style wise, at least.
What I mostly want to know is:
1) Do I give enough detail?
2) Can you figure out what kind of person the guy in the prologue is?
3) Do I show enough emotion?
4) Would you want to read more of a book like this?
5) Is it too mysterious to be captivating?
And of course any other suggestions you may have. I know that these have a lot of grammar mistakes, but I am not so worried about that right now. I also know that this needs some major work before getting draft 3 worthy I just don’t know what needs to change, majorly. Please be completely honest and tell me your full opinions.
Thanks, guys. I hope you enjoy it too. 😉
https://docs.google.com/document/d/15BmlSJ4b4IQdfXCIyzyn1em-sl_J5uaOcp3la6_DInE/edit?usp=sharing
Oh, right. Let ma tag some people. @rochellaine, @catwing, @sam-kowal, @supermonkey42, @jenwriter17, @ariel-ashira, @anyone-else-wanting-to-honestly-critique
Currently writing the Hostanica Files with the assistance of B-bot, my PAIA (Personal AI Assistant.)
Oh, and I guess I put the mock cover on there too. I didn’t mean to do that. Oh well, you guys will probably like that anyways.
Currently writing the Hostanica Files with the assistance of B-bot, my PAIA (Personal AI Assistant.)
@filewriterbase13x I would totally go for this if I hadn’t already read it. 😉 *nods* To everyone else, go for it!! It’s soo good.
www.livforhim.wordpress.com
@livgiordano. Aw, that’s nice of you to say. Yeah, I would have tagged you too, but you have already read this part and know like the whole plot already. 😁
Currently writing the Hostanica Files with the assistance of B-bot, my PAIA (Personal AI Assistant.)
@filewriterbase13x I like it! Its really good! I think its well balanced with the things you mentioned. What era is it? Modern?
Do you and livgiordano know eachother?
"In a mask, was he?"
@ariel-ashira, thanks! I don’t want to be a pest, but can you answer any of my questions?
Hmm, what do you think @livgiordano ? Do we know each other? Just kidding, yes we do. Quite well actually. At least I think so. Liv is one of my best friends in the world. She’s pretty awesome. *high fives*
Currently writing the Hostanica Files with the assistance of B-bot, my PAIA (Personal AI Assistant.)
Oh, @ariel-ashira, sorry I didn’t answer your question. It is in the future. I imagine it in the late 2000s or maybe even later, but I don’t really have a set date.
Currently writing the Hostanica Files with the assistance of B-bot, my PAIA (Personal AI Assistant.)
Lol yes. @filewriterbase13x is a very good friend. And if you don’t mind me mentioning it, I was the one who recommended that she should join. 😉 This place is pretty cool. *high fives back* And yes, I can definitely say that you’re one of my best friends, girl.
www.livforhim.wordpress.com
@filewriterbase13x Okay, sure.
I think you were pretty detailed. You could describe the room and the people’s faces a little more.
I have a good idea of the guy. His face is not clear in my mind though.
The emotion was good. It wouldn’t be bad if there was more though. A few words describing it a little more would help.
I would definatley keep reading! And its quite captivating.
Does that answer your questions? Its really good!
Man, all these people on KP who only give you the first chapter and leave you stewing over what might happen next…! I am gonna do it to you all one of thses days!
"In a mask, was he?"
@livgiordano Are you the one who wrote the poem “Broken”!!!!????
"In a mask, was he?"
Yes, I am! @ariel-ashira
www.livforhim.wordpress.com
@livgiordano Oh my goodness! WOW! Let me tell you that is one of my FAVORITE poems on planet earth!!! I love it! And it came at a time in my life when I really needed that. (It was before I joined KP.) Yeah, it was so awesome I wrote it it my diary. And I wanna hang it on the wall. Its so beautiful!!!
"In a mask, was he?"
@ariel-ashira Aww really? I feel so honored! And I needed to hear that today. It originally started out as just something I wrote for myself out of my heart, but after sharing it with a few friends, they said I should submit it to KP. And so I did. 😉
I can definitely share some more of my poetry with you if you’re interested. 🙂
www.livforhim.wordpress.com
@livgiordano Yes, please post more!! It really has helped me. I memorized it. I think of it all the time. And good job getting @filewriterbase13x to join. She’s been awesome! Did you read The Light Triumphs? Its the first I have submitted to KP, but you might enjoy it.
"In a mask, was he?"
😀 I was going to send you a friend request. You beat me to it! @livgiordano
"In a mask, was he?"
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