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Yes, Rishona does represent Eve in the prologue.
Right, she represents Eve, but is she literally Eve? Is Earth here the same Earth we know, and therefore the story of Adam and Eve is really just a translation of Rishona’s story?
And I do agree that I use flowery language excessively. I love your ideas, because you have helped me realize things about myself I never have before!
Lol, I’m happy to help! Those are good pros to have, I hope I’m not making it sound like there not, I’m just saying that you can keep refining your writers voice, and tame that language to create even better pros, which is true for everyone, even the greats. It’s always really cool when we become more aware of the different aspects of ourselves, that’s when we can become better people with intension.
Wowww I love this! And it fits so well with my story, too! I get it now what you meant by “melodramatic”.
Thanks😅 I’m glad you like it, the concept is all yours though. I personally have struggled with my own writing being melodramatic for a long time, and I think I’ve greatly improved since, but I’m still far from perfect. I think it’s a skill that just comes with time.
Thanks, I’ll fix that 🙂
Is this better?
It still says world😂 But yes, I think that’s a really big improvement! You still kept a lot of your original style and vibe, but cleaning it up a bit. Great job. Now again, don’t take my word as any real authority, I am simply opinionated as I’ve mentioned, so it would be good to continue getting thoughts from other readers and fellow writers.
Can’t wait to see your opinions on the next chapters!!!
Hopefully I can take a look at them tomorrow, I have been busy, and haven’t been able to be on as much.
He is perfect in Justice, yet He is perfect in Mercy, even when we fail Him. For this, He is good.
Right, she represents Eve, but is she literally Eve? Is Earth here the same Earth we know, and therefore the story of Adam and Eve is really just a translation of Rishona’s story?
Well I think that Rishona is literally Eve in my story, and Earth is the same earth we know but I think what I was going for is that there’s no Adam and Eve because Rishona’s story is all they know? I don’t know! The more I think about it the more I confuse myself! I think I just have to write more to figure everything out because this is a fairly new story and I’ve never written an allegory before.
Hopefully I can take a look at them tomorrow, I have been busy, and haven’t been able to be on as much.
It’s okay, I’ve been busy as well with school sports and stuff like that!
It still says world😂
Okay I actually fixed it for real this time!
And thank you again for all your help. 🙂
Lukas&Livia
#Lalbert
Sef&Chase
#HOTTOLINE
LEFSE FOREVER!!!!!! <333@savannah_grace2009 @thearcaneaxiom
Just watching from afar and thought I’d chip in.
I think from reading some of Savannah’s work, it is heavily parallel to the stories of the Bible, but you can’t really guess something like that as the reader, because unless the writer clarifies their intent, an Eve-Allegory and an Alternate-Eve are essentially the same thing in function.
The story Savannah is writing obviously has major elements that aren’t from the Bible, and the world seems different enough structure-wise that it doesn’t strike me as an alternate Earth. It looks more like a whole different fantastical planet entirely. So I would guess it is an Eve-Allegory myself, as a reader – but maybe it isn’t. Maybe this is, worldbuilding-wise, meant to be Twisted Earth.
I’m just saying unless Savannah wants to explore that possibility, I don’t think it necessarily has to make a difference.
Actually, the writer doesn’t even have to decide if they don’t want to. It’s something you could leave to the reader’s imagination.
(If you’ve read His Dark Materials, ArcaneAxiom, the Adam and Eve in that story are what strike me as being portrayed purposefully as an alternate reality)
#ProtectAdolinKholin
What I think @thearcaneaxiom is asking you:
Which of these two is Rishona?
1. Inspired by Eve, but is actually a different person, in a different fantastical world. Not actually Eve, just a shadow of Eve.
2. Actually Eve. In a twisted version of Earth, where some details of reality have been changed.
#ProtectAdolinKholin
Okay thanks Whaley! And yes number 1 is Rishona.
Lukas&Livia
#Lalbert
Sef&Chase
#HOTTOLINE
LEFSE FOREVER!!!!!! <333Here’s my WIP if you’re interested! And don’t feel pressured to read it if you’re busy (or just don’t want to!, I understand that life gets complicated and busy!
Lukas&Livia
#Lalbert
Sef&Chase
#HOTTOLINE
LEFSE FOREVER!!!!!! <333From what I read so far, its really good! I will be checking it out from time to time (Dont worry, its not that I dont like it, I love it! But I am working on my WIP a bunch right now, 54 pages! 🙂 ) Thank you for sharing it!!
"Would you kindly...?"
And of course don’t feel bad if you don’t have time to read it, I get it, and glad you’re working on your WIP so much! And great work, 54 pages is a lot! I remember how happy I was when I hit 50 pages 🙂 Idk how many pages mine is since I’m using a platform called Reedsy and it doesn’t have pages (kind of weird, i know), but I have 13,000 words at the moment.
Yeah, sorry i think i tagged you more than once here, sorry if i did, I wasn’t trying to nag you about it, lol!
Lukas&Livia
#Lalbert
Sef&Chase
#HOTTOLINE
LEFSE FOREVER!!!!!! <333@whalekeeper @savannah_grace2009
Yeah, as you said Whale, it definitely works, I’m just trying to figure out what the actual structure is in relation to reality, as real places such as earth are mentioned. Your answers Sara are still throwing me off because “I think that Rishona is literally Eve in my story, and Earth is the same earth we know but I think what I was going for is that there’s no Adam and Eve because Rishona’s story is all they know?” is a very different response to “Inspired by Eve, but is actually a different person, in a different fantastical world. Not actually Eve, just a shadow of Eve.” unless it was a decision you made just then, because I’m being too nagging about it😅 If it isn’t Eve, my question then is still, what is earth in this case, the same earth, or is it really a completely different place called earth for the sake of familiarity? But it is true that this can go unexplained, sometimes that better, I would just be going against my nature if I didn’t at least ask.
I haven’t read His Dark Materials, though I’ve watched the movie The Golden Compass. The overall story as I understand though is a inherent mockery of religion as a whole though, so it makes sense that if Adam and Eve are mentioned, it would be shown in a very alternate storyline.
Ok, so I just read the first and second chapter. I enjoyed these, and I liked the concepts and themes your alluding to. So in the original description of the Pythonos, you said they served the Great One, but it did seem be be purely past tense. So was it specifically the event of the Fall that all the Pythonos fell into a state of pure evil? The first chapter intrigued me though, because you seemed to be alluding to the idea that the Pythonos could feel real emotions, and they wanted good things, like family and companionship, one of the most objectively good things there is. So is there going to be redemption for the Pythonos? Is the pure evil front they show just that? A mask to hide deeply buried hurt and desire? So it looks like your gearing up for the discussion of what is good and evil, and what is moral agency, would that be right? Because if so, I’m on on board! These are themes that really intrigue me, and I’m liking how your handling it so far.
As far as the second chapter goes, I found it interesting that you depicted the tree as breathing and seemingly pulsing with blood, is that to be taken literally? If so, that would be a fun concept, is there any more specifics about that idea you’ve figured out?
I don’t think I have much in the way of criticisms right now, there’s a lot of good intrigue, and I’m curious as to what happens with this Moses type character.
He is perfect in Justice, yet He is perfect in Mercy, even when we fail Him. For this, He is good.
Sorry, i’m not good at explaining things, especially my stories! All I know is that Earth is the same Earth, and I think that Adam and Eve don’t exist either in “stories” or anything. I think that I’m trying to make this story for the secular world to speak truth (i think sometimes if the world knows that somethings from the Bible, they won’t want to even try to read it, so I’m trying to “sneak” truth past the barriers of their mind, so to speak.
In the Bible, it says that Satan fell from heaven because of greed: he wanted to be like God. That’s the same theme I’m going for: the Pythonos, especially Jordan, but mainly Pythonos in general are to represent Satan and his angels of darkness in my allegory. So no, there’s no redemption. Also, another theme in my story is that magic is always bad, because it’s not from God, it’s from Satan, because often people are decieved into thinking that magic is good, not bad. I know it can be portrayed as good and still be a story for God, but that’s just not what I’m going for.
And the second chapter…yes, in Andromeda, the trees are alive, living “intelligent” creatures. It is considered evil and cruel to deliberately kill one, which is why it was such a big deal. They are kind of representing angels of light, but not totally. Just a shadow, if you will. And they will bleed if killed. So I’m not sure if I need to do a better job of explaining this in my story?
And Lilitu has the same backstory as Moses, but I’m not sure if he’s going to lead his people out of captivity…yet. I’m more of a “pantser” than a “plotter”, if you will, so that’s why I might not have any plans for the future set in stone.
Thanks for the help! And sorry my answers are confusing. Like I said, I don’t always have everything figured out, and I’m also terrible at explaining my stories. My family can vouch for that. Haha!
Lukas&Livia
#Lalbert
Sef&Chase
#HOTTOLINE
LEFSE FOREVER!!!!!! <333About the Golden Compass – the movie is not good at all in adapting the book. It tried to follow the plot too tightly, without capturing the essence of the story. But I digress.
The book takes an anti-Christian position, but its points are actually extremely valid when it comes to looking back at what the “church” has been, how those in the “church” have used their influence wrongly, and how one can twist what was meant to be good and promote many untruths. The author is certainly not defending the Christian view – he is an atheist, and the story paints its version of God as a fake – but the book is fascinating to read from my perspective, due to what it is trying to call out, and it is one of my favorites.
I personally don’t think it is wrong to enjoy a book that is from a non-Christian perspective, because art is a product of a life perspective or an era of time – a microcosm, if you will. Many can view it from the outside, and all agree that it is authentic to whatever it is meant to encapsulate. It’s like reading about Celtic gods, or an ancient poem praising a hero for killing a million men. You may not agree with all the views in the story, but as long as you understand it is a product of something, there’s no reason not to appreciate it for what it is.
For example, I don’t completely agree with everything Brandon Sanderson writes. But his books are amazingly written and have earned another fan.
Anyway, that was a needless ramble, but I felt I wanted to write it down for anyone to see XD
#ProtectAdolinKholin
Heeeyy I agree with you, our stories are so hard to explain XD
I found your allegories very easy to follow… I don’t know if that was your intention, but that’s how it read XD If I showed your prologue to a non-Christian friend, they would recognize it as the Creation and Fall story. I have no idea how they would react, though. It would probably depend on how willing they would be to read on for the “cool” fantasy elements.
…I’m pretty sure I’ve said this before, but I STILL love Lilitu’s name. Like, it’s adorable. Every time I read it. XD
Also, I’m curious. What are your full thoughts on magic? I’m purposefully going to not reply much, because I’ve gotten into heated discussions about this before XD But just some questions, if you aren’t too sensitive about it.
Do you think Biblical\real magic and modern\fictional magic are the same? Yes or no, why do you think so? What qualifies as magic, and what doesn’t?
#ProtectAdolinKholin
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