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You guys, thank you so much for reading it and for everything!!
You’re soo welcome!! 😅
I was kinda scared for some reason that nobody would be interested to even look at it!
Ah, don’t worry, I always enjoy reading the works of other writers!! 😉😊
INTP.
Have a carrot.Of course! Sorry, I think my last post lagged. I really like your idea of doing the flashback and then going to Lilitu’s pov, though!
INTP 🧡 Homeschooler 🧡 Violinist 🧡 Current WIP: TCoH
Sorry, I think my last post lagged.
It’s all Wyoh’s fault…..XD
I really like your idea of doing the flashback and then going to Lilitu’s pov, though!
Okay, great! i’ll think and pray about it, but I’m pretty sure that this fits better than how I had it originally.
"Hair. Mouth. Cheese of yak. Come, Sintar, bRiNg a MeLoN."
Ah, don’t worry, I always enjoy reading the works of other writers!! 😉😊
Aww thanks!
"Hair. Mouth. Cheese of yak. Come, Sintar, bRiNg a MeLoN."
First of all, I love your writing!!
Second, my actual answer to your question. XD Ok. So I think I prefer the first one better. Though I do have an opinion on prologues… I heard an author (who had been writing since forever) say that he doesn’t like prologues because typically writers use them as a way to draw readers in before they get into the actual story. Honestly, you could do without a prologue here, even though I have to admit I did enjoy it. 😉 That’s just my opinion though. Having a prologue is not a sin. That’s just how I see them. 😁
But yeah, I do like the first version better, with or without the prologue. It sets up Lilitu’s internal struggle right away in the first chapter from his POV, which I love. I didn’t get any hint into Sef’s internal struggle in her first POV chapter, but I know that’s a mistake I’ve made too. Lol. But I did feel like there was a hint of foreshadowing that all this perfection wasn’t going to last. So maybe draw a little more attention to the foreshadowing fact, (if that makes sense) and I think that will make it just a little better. (:
Great job!!
Oh! And before I forget. I told you I’d read through your book and give you feedback and I almost totally forgot! 😱 So can you send me the Reedsy link so I can read over it? Just give me the specific things you want some feedback on and I’ll get right into reading it as soon as I can!
Write what should not be forgotten. — Isabel Allende
About prologues…I’ve never heard that before! Mine is technically a first chapter, so should I just erase the label of “prologue”?? 😂
you’re good!!! You can just read it over on these links. I posted earlier in this thread, or I can send you the Google docs link so you can comment and edit. I can’t send the docs link now because I’m typing on a kindle but in a bit I can!
"Hair. Mouth. Cheese of yak. Come, Sintar, bRiNg a MeLoN."
About prologues…I’ve never heard that before! Mine is technically a first chapter, so should I just erase the label of “prologue”?? 😂
You do whatever you want, girl, it’s your story. XD
I had actually never heard that before, but it kind of makes sense. I think some writers also use prologues for info-dumping. I’d rather have a hook than an info-dump in a prologue, tbh. 😂
you’re good!!! You can just read it over on these links. I posted earlier in this thread, or I can send you the Google docs link so you can comment and edit. I can’t send the docs link now because I’m typing on a kindle but in a bit I can!
Ok, awesome!!
Write what should not be forgotten. — Isabel Allende
@acancello @grcr @hybridlore @esther-c
I’ve been praying about this today…and I just got a strong sense that God wants me to keep the beginning like I had it…like the second link.
I just feel a lot better about the way I had it before. I’m not sure why…I just get anxiety every time I think about starting it that way, and feel immediate calm when I ask the Lord about keeping it the first way (the second link).
I was asking God, “but what if nobody likes it because I didn’t start it off with a Hook?” and then I heard God saying that He wants me to write it this way because there will be at least one person who will read it and will change that person’s life, even if the way I write it causes others to not be as interested.
I’m not sure why God is having me write it this way…but I’m going to trust Him anyway XD
This might sound crazy…but it’s what I feel like God wants me to do. And you guys can still help me out by critiquing the second link! I still need help XD
Thanks guys <333
"Hair. Mouth. Cheese of yak. Come, Sintar, bRiNg a MeLoN."
Sounds good! The second was good too!! It’s always better to listen to what God tells you over all other advice!! 😊
INTP.
Have a carrot.Thanks for understanding!! I kind of am still a little worried that nobody will like it the other way XD but I’m happy that I got an answer from God and that makes me feel a lot more confident.
"Hair. Mouth. Cheese of yak. Come, Sintar, bRiNg a MeLoN."
No problem!
And don’t worry about if people like the intro! If God is telling you how it should be, He’ll give you the readers and all too!! 🙂☺️
INTP.
Have a carrot.Thats totally ok, go with what God wants you to do! The second chapter eased you more into the action which is also a very good type of introduction😊
I kind of am still a little worried that nobody will like it the other way XD
Dont worry, I do! Think of really popular books like Harry Potter, J.K. Rowling didn’t jump right into the action either. It was a nice ease into the wild Wizarding World XD
"Would you kindly...?"
That sounds good, I’m glad you were able to get a clear answer from God! I agree, I think it still definitely works even without the shorter beginning. And even if it does turn some readers away, it’s going to touch the people God wants it to. 🙂
INTP 🧡 Homeschooler 🧡 Violinist 🧡 Current WIP: TCoH
Thanks for understanding!! 🙂 and thanks for supporting me <3
"Hair. Mouth. Cheese of yak. Come, Sintar, bRiNg a MeLoN."
THAT IS SO GOOD! You are doing an awesome job Sara! yes! do what God is telling you to. Thats the most important thing. It made me so happy when i found out her mom was having a baby! XDXDXDXDXDXDXD
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