My Work In Progress

[Sara]

@thearcaneaxiom

True. I’m not sure the best way to put this then.

• This reply was modified 11 months, 3 weeks ago by Sara.

Lukas&Livia
#Lalbert
Sef&Chase
#HOTTOLINE
LEFSE FOREVER!!!!!! <333

[Sara]

@jonas @thearcaneaxiom @highscribeofaetherium @rae @vinagirl @trailblazer @grcr @esther-c @whalekeeper @mineralizedwritings @keilah-h @acancello @hybridlore @anyone-else

Okay, guys. I need serious help. My novel is kind of going nowhere…because I don’t know which way to start it!!!

I have two beginnings for my story. One jumps straight into the action (because of hybridlore’s suggestion and some other critique partners), and the other draws out the plot wayyyy more. So I’m basically just kind of taking a poll to see which you enjoy more.

Anyways…I’m not going to make a post for every chapter because that would take too long, and it would kind of be annoying to look through all those posts. So instead what I’m going to do is give you my Reedsy link. You can read as little or as much of both links as you would like, but just get a feel for which one draws you in more.

And if you don’t get to this, that’s fine too. Also, feel free to tag you in any post where you guys post a snippet! I love reading other writers’ work!!

So without further ado…the links.

The first link (this one jumps into the plot a lot more. I only have four chapters.)

h ttps://editor.reedsy.com/s/WYvjnSF (DELETE the space between the h and the t)

The second link (draws out a lot more. I am aware it starts at chapter six, but this is only because I’m keeping these chapters still in the body of the manuscript. If that makes sense)

h ttps://editor.reedsy.com/s/p8SdhuQ  (Again, DELETE the space.)

 

Thanks to whoever attempts to enter the world of Andromeda…and help me with my wreck of a novel. lol.

Lukas&Livia
#Lalbert
Sef&Chase
#HOTTOLINE
LEFSE FOREVER!!!!!! <333

[Allison]

@savannah_grace2009

I have skimmed through these pages here and read pieces of your WIP and I have to say… I love them! Your really good at describing the way things look and feel. I will definitely look through your link and give my critique 🙂 And pretty soon I will be posting some of mine to get feedback, I’ll be sure to tag you 🙂

• This reply was modified 11 months, 1 week ago by Allison.

"Would you kindly...?"

[Sara]

@acancello

I have skimmed through these pages here and read pieces of your WIP and I have to say… I love them! Your really good at describing the way things look and feel.

Wait…really???!?!?! Aww thanks that means so much to me!!! I am excited for your feedback!! AND I CAN’T WAIT FOR MORE HUGO!!! lol

Also, feel free to tag you in any post where you guys post a snippet! I love reading other writers’ work!!

This is supposed to say “feel free to tag me in any post”…so yeah…XD

Lukas&Livia
#Lalbert
Sef&Chase
#HOTTOLINE
LEFSE FOREVER!!!!!! <333

[Allison]

Awww your dedication and acknowledgement is so sweet 🥰

"Would you kindly...?"

[hybridlore]

@savannah_grace2009

Hey! I think the first one does a great job of pulling the reader in more, but the second one also has some great writing in it.

I know the chapter with Sef and her mom really means a lot to you, and it does a good job of setting up the backstory of Sef’s parents and a little bit of world building. So really they both work in my opinion! If you wanted to, you could always do something like this…

(Prologue with Pythonos)

(Mark date) 1. New Beginnings

(Mark time jump with date) 2. Nothing

Really, it’s up to you! I think the most confusing thing about time jumps like that are when they’re written without a clear change. The date being written before the chapter starts gives readers a chance to be like, oh, now it’s two years later, or whatever. Anyway, that was kind of a lot of rambling. Do what you think is best for the story!

WE ARE REVIVING THE PROTECTION SQUAD! *steals Joseph, Julian, and Sabina from Ellette*

[Allison]

@savannah_grace2009

This is supposed to say “feel free to tag me in any post”…so yeah…XD

Dont worry, I understood XD I make errors like that all the time 😂

"Would you kindly...?"

[Sara]

@hybridlore

I will definitely think about all this! I need to get more opinions before I make a decision…I am just so new to all this and want to see what more people think.

It’s a neat idea with the time change or whatever, I just don’t want it to be too confusing, and/or abrupt, you know?

@acancello

Awww your dedication and acknowledgement is so sweet 🥰

it’s all true though…I became such a better writer when I joined KP and after talking to all of you guys!!

Lukas&Livia
#Lalbert
Sef&Chase
#HOTTOLINE
LEFSE FOREVER!!!!!! <333

[-GRCR-]

@savannah_grace2009

Hmmm…

Alright, my basic answer: the first one draws me in more and I like its prologue. I do like the first two or three chapters of the second one, though.

 

 

I don’t know if you only wanted advice on the first/begining chapter… if so, you don’t have to listen to me or read my next few thoughts…. but if you don’t mind my adding, I think it would be cool if you kept the prologue of the first, but added the second version’s chapters to it…

The thing that threw me off with the first one is that you went from Jraldath talking of the girl, to then talking of Lilitu and Livia… it kinda makes me think that Livia is the girl they are trying to destroy or something since she already has an illegal friendship and is protecting a Payne (right?)…

I think it may help a little to go from Jraldath to Sef… that way the reader gets an idea of who the MC is… and I like the pregnancy and stuff of the second version. It may be heart wenching if you show the whole thing before ripping Sef’s life apart…

Flaz: *yawns* Did the sun just come up? In the west?

[Sara]

@grcr

Ohh! I never thought of that before!!!

That makes a lot of sense, actually.

Maybe I could go something like this:

1. Prologue

2. Memory (chapter 15 of the second link, shows Sef and Neveah picking flowers with Hanna)

3. Nothing (go to Lilitu and Livia)

4. Stolen (where Sef and Neveah get seperated)

 

 

Lukas&Livia
#Lalbert
Sef&Chase
#HOTTOLINE
LEFSE FOREVER!!!!!! <333

[Allison]

Ok, I read them both. The first one does pull me in better and I want to read more, but I just love the description and feel of the second, however, it may be a bit slow for the beginning chapter. That’s all I have for now, I will go over it more later today if I have time!

"Would you kindly...?"

[hybridlore]

@grcr @savannah_grace2009

Yeah, I did notice that! Maybe Lilitu’s chapter could come after Sef’s?

@sara

Definitely! I hope you figure it out!

WE ARE REVIVING THE PROTECTION SQUAD! *steals Joseph, Julian, and Sabina from Ellette*

[-GRCR-]

@savannah_grace2009

Yeah, that would work!! 😄

Flaz: *yawns* Did the sun just come up? In the west?

[Allison]

@savannah_grace2009

it’s all true though…I became such a better writer when I joined KP and after talking to all of you guys!!

I did to! I dont think I would have ever got this is close to finishing without everyone on here <3

"Would you kindly...?"

[Sara]

@acancello @hybridlore @grcr

You guys, thank you so much for reading it and for everything!! I was kinda scared for some reason that nobody would be interested to even look at it!

 The first one does pull me in better and I want to read more, but I just love the description and feel of the second, however, it may be a bit slow for the beginning chapter.

I know! That’s why it is so hard for me…because though the first one is really exciting and I do like the pacing of everything, the second is also really good, just slower. I’m definitely saving the second version to look back on, because it’s really important to me. So even if it doesn’t make it to the final draft, I printed it out and put it in my binder of stories, so I can look back and read it anytime.

@everyone

As of now I’m leaning toward the first version with a few changes, but we’ll see. Thank you so much!!!!

Lukas&Livia
#Lalbert
Sef&Chase
#HOTTOLINE
LEFSE FOREVER!!!!!! <333

[Author]

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