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You guys have already read the next chapter, the one where Lilitu steals the loaf of bread. So I’ll skip to the fourth chapter, when Lilitu’s walking home from his thievery, lol
And as always, don’t feel like you have to read it. I don’t want anybody panicking, lol
Chapter 4: Strange Magick
Lilitu stood at the edge of Farnbron Brook, trying-and failing- not to gag.
The smell was especially bad tonight.
It was always worse during the warmer months, and now it was the middle of summer.
Though, the smell wasn’t what bothered him. It was the fact that he would have to wade across. Barefoot. And with no cane, at any moment he might lose his footing and become submerged in the brook, which was almost as bad as the sewage below the streets of Lir.
In a way, the brook was sewage, as the Aquinos upstream coped with their unprovoked hatred of the Paynes by dumping their refuse into the stream, which coincidentally ran directly through the slums.
But standing there, lamenting the task before him wasn’t going to teleport him across, and so Lilitu steeled his will, held his breath, rolled up his jeans up past his knees, and plunged his foot into the murky waters. Don’t think about the texture, don’t think about the smell, Lilitu warned himself. And definitely don’t think about that unidentified brown substance floating over there.
With a cry, he winced in pain as a stone jabbed his foot, causing him to stumble. It was sheer luck that he managed to stay upright. He sucked in a breath between his teeth and continued on.
Revulsion made his stomach churn as he stepped on something soft. He had no desire to learn what it was, but he could guess, and with that guess he decided he’d rather not know if his guess was correct or not.
The water only came up to his knees, but especially with only one good foot, the current was strong enough to sweep him away if he was not careful. He precariously balanced on rocks that could give way at any time, and several times he almost fell.
Finally his torture ceased and he climbed up onto the opposite bank, feeling quite dirty and grimy. His twisted foot throbbed with pain sharper than a knife, and he sat down on a flat rock to rest it, gazing at the “pleasant” view of the Brook. The sound of the falls roared in his ears.
The Farnbron Brook, dirty as it was, always held some sort of sentiment in Lilitu’s mind. He knew from his father Azazel and mother Indie that he was saved from the clutches of the water as a baby, a whole fourteen years ago.
In his mind’s eye he imagined big, strong, Azazel plunging into the water to save him. He who was then but an infant, a worthless Payne cast away by the parents who gave him up. He shuddered, knowing what would have happened if Azazel had not been so selfless and dove in to rescue him.
He saw himself being carried to the edge, faster, faster, and then in a blink of an eye, Lilitu’s life would be over as quickly as it began.
Distinctly he felt the pain in his foot diminish, and so he pulled himself to his feet.
His foot screamed with agony.
“Stupid Adar,” Lilitu muttered, hobbling in the direction of his house.
The birds were singing in the trees, singing joyfully.
And right now Lilitu wanted to strangle them.
The birds had no right to sing. They had never experienced starvation, poverty, they had never had to wade across the Farnbron Brook. They taunted Lilitu with their wings, how they soared across the expanses, freely, defying gravity, defying all laws of motion.
A gloomy cloud settled over Lilitu. His foot ached. His pride was bruised, and his hands trembled with rage at the loss of his cane. How dare he, who gave him the right? Lilitu kicked a rock, stubbing his toe in the process. He swore loudly before he could help himself.
“That’s a naughty word,” he heard Sef laugh. And in that moment, Lilitu realized he wasn’t as alone as he had thought. He had walked right past the sorting piles, where many laborers sorted bits and pieces to try to sell them and hopefully make a living. Sef looked up from her work and smiled at him, turning Lilitu’s brain to senseless fluff.
He was mortified. There he was, swearing like a bartender, stinking like sewage, and limping along as if he had just been in a catfight. Of course Sef would be there. This day just keeps on getting better and better, he groaned. “Sorry,” he said between his teeth.
“Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone,” Sef’s eyes lit up with amusement as she put a finger to her lips. Climbing down the pile with the grace of a doe, she leapt down to join him.
“So, where have you been?” she smiled.
“You’re in a good mood,” Lilitu glared at the dirt.
“Why not?” Sef laughed, making Lilitu crack a smile. To him, Sef’s laugh could enchant anyone; it was the strongest of strange magicks.
“My foot hurts,” Lilitu spat, “Adar burned my crutch, I had to walk through the Brook and almost fell on my face, and for what? A loaf of bread,” he wrinkled his nose in disgust, “It would have been easier to starve. I’d like to see you in a good mood after that.”
“Wow, you’ve had quite the day,” Sef nodded, her eyes beginning to work their charm on Lilitu. Stop looking at me! He wanted to scream at her. Don’t you see that every time you look at me, I lose all sense of sanity? But he regained his composure and kept walking.
“That’s the understatement of the hour,” he kicked another rock.
“Do you need me to go away so you can let out a string of cuss words?” Sef cocked her head to the side.
Instantly Lilitu felt guilty. He was mad, yes, but Sef wasn’t causing his problems, and here he was, taking his anger out on her.
“I’m sorry,” he shook his head. “I’ve just had a rough day.”
“Yeah, I get that,” Sef nodded. “Still, I can go away if you want,” she made a move to leave.
“No!” Lilitu said, a little too loudly. Sef raised an eyebrow. “Uh-” he stammered, “You don’t have to do that.” Sef smiled again.
Stop it! He shook his head as if to clear the butterflies swarming around his head. Sef looked at him quizzically.
“I think you just need to go to sleep,” she grabbed his arm and draped it around her neck. “Here, I’ll help you get to your house, cripple.”
“Thanks,” he said weakly. He was no longer able to form more than one- word thoughts and ideas, all common sense seemed to evade him.
He didn’t know how she did it, but Sef always put him in a better mood. It was like magick.
Lukas&Livia
#Lalbert
Sef&Chase
#HOTTOLINE
LEFSE FOREVER!!!!!! <333This is a good chapter. I don’t really have any comments for this one.
He is perfect in Justice, yet He is perfect in Mercy, even when we fail Him. For this, He is good.
Thank you! Should I post the next one or wait a bit?
Lukas&Livia
#Lalbert
Sef&Chase
#HOTTOLINE
LEFSE FOREVER!!!!!! <333That’s entirely up to you. It’s probably been long enough if your just waiting for arbitrary lengths of time, but I don’t know.
He is perfect in Justice, yet He is perfect in Mercy, even when we fail Him. For this, He is good.
I haven’t even read the second one yet. 😅
🏰 Fantasy Writer
✨ Magic System Creator
🎭 Character RPer
📚 Appreciator of BooksOh XD then I’ll wait a bit…
Don’t want anybody panicking or heart attacks…but I know CPR if anybody does have one lol
Lukas&Livia
#Lalbert
Sef&Chase
#HOTTOLINE
LEFSE FOREVER!!!!!! <333@jonas @thearcaneaxiom @highscribeofaetherium (I think I forgot to tag you for the first few chapters, sorry!)
Okay, here’s chapter 5.
Chapter 5: Names
The next seven months flew by in a blur.
Sef eagerly helped Neveah with whatever she asked of her, sweeping, washing the dishes, mopping the floor, and all with such vigor that surprised even herself.
And all the while she could hardly wait. In her mind she was ticking off every day until the new baby would arrive, every day until she would meet her new baby brother or sister. She wondered if it would be a girl or boy, but decided that either way she would be just as happy.
One day Neveah sat her down on the small couch.
“Sef,” she said gravely, “We are forgetting something.”
“What?” Sef furrowed her brows, concerned. Then Neveah’s eyes creased at the corners, giving her a warm expression.
“We are forgetting to pick out names for the new baby!”
“Names?”
“You know, those things that every person has, that are essential for communication,” Neveah teased her.
“I know, but-” Sef paused, “You want me to help you?”
“More than merely help me,” Neveah laughed, “You are going to name the child.”
“What!” Sef screeched. Neveah looked at her curiously. “I mean, why me? What if I pick the wrong name?”
“You won’t pick the wrong name, besides, the only wrong name is no name at all,” Neveah gazed out the window for a moment.
“How can I pick just one? There are so many beautiful names out there, I can’t pick only one!” Sef frowned.
“Make a list,” suggested Neveah, “Make a list of names for girls, and a list of names for boys. That way, when the baby comes we have a list to choose from.”
“Alright,” said Sef, “I will. How much time…” her voice trailed off.
Neveah smiled and rubbed her swollen belly. “The baby is coming soon, maybe two weeks at the longest,” Sef let out a squeal.
“Oh my goodness-so soon!”
“Yes,” Neveah nodded. “Soon.”
Every day after that, Sef gathered all the paper she could find and began writing down all the names she could think of.
Every time she found one she liked, she would come across one that she thought to be better.
She was wearing herself out, worrying about choosing exactly the right one. It was a daunting task, being charged with naming a child, as they would carry that name for all their life. Finally, Neveah made her stop, telling her that they would decide on one together when the baby was born.
“Don’t worry about a name. When you see your sister for the first time, you will know.” They had started referring to the baby as a female. Somehow they felt in their bones that it was so.
Sef agreed, as she was tired of writing, and her hand ached.
But now with nothing to do, her mind buzzed with excitement, with nothing to focus on, her thoughts constantly drifted to the new baby. Now two weeks seemed like two centuries, every second excruciating.
Unable to contain herself, she constantly bothered her mother with questions about her new sister, until Neveah shooed her outside, with the words, “Go annoy Lilitu. I need to rest.”
So Sef did.
She was now on her way to do just that.
Plotting devious ways to annoy her best friend left a smirk on her face, lifted her steps, and made her want to laugh.
She could prank him, but she decided not to, as that might make him mad. She didn’t want to make him angry, she just wanted to annoy him. Maybe by telling him a bad joke, or something like that.
She didn’t know. She knew she’d figure it out, though.
And so she kept on, wearing a most devious expression and chuckling softly to herself.
I’m not a fan of this chapter, but it might be just me. I mean, it is my first draft, so I shouldn’t expect it to be perfect, it just feels like something isn’t right.
Lukas&Livia
#Lalbert
Sef&Chase
#HOTTOLINE
LEFSE FOREVER!!!!!! <333Sorry I haven’t gotten back to this. This seems fine. There isn’t much to say that I can tell, maybe you can show her coming up with different names, show the list itself. Have her second guess some parts, then change others. Just the show not tell type of thing is all that comes to my mind right now.
He is perfect in Justice, yet He is perfect in Mercy, even when we fail Him. For this, He is good.
You’re fine!
Oh, yeah, that’s a good idea! I’ll work on that!
Lukas&Livia
#Lalbert
Sef&Chase
#HOTTOLINE
LEFSE FOREVER!!!!!! <333@jonas @highscribeofaetherium @thearcaneaxiom
Here’s my next chapter… if you have romance, LOOK AWAY lol!
Chapter 6: Raindrops
Lilitu was sitting on the steps, minding his own business, like any sensible person would do.
He was watching the wind sway the trees, listening to their whispers.
Often, he would sit and try to make sense of what the trees were saying to each other. Sometimes, he’d even try to talk to them, but the trees never talked back, and made him look like a fool. The trees rarely spoke to even the Andromedans of purest bloodlines, let alone half-breeds, Paynes like him.
But that didn’t stop him from trying all the same.
And then suddenly, a drop of water splashed down on his head.
He looked up, and all he saw was the peachy sky overhead and the eaves of his roof. He shook his head. I must be going crazy.
Plop.
He felt it again. “Is it going to rain?” he wondered out loud, bringing his hand to his head as another one fell. But there wasn’t a cloud in sight, and that made him all the more confused.
Before he knew what was happening, he was temporarily blinded by a torrent of water splashing down. “Ack!” he fought back some choice words on the tip of his tongue. He held his arms out from his body in disgust. He was dripping with water, soggier than a dishrag.
That was when he heard laughter from directly above.
He looked up and saw none other than Sef. Of course. She was holding a watering can, her legs dangling over the edge of the roof.
“Sorry,” she giggled, “I kind of tipped the watering can too far.”
“Don’t you have anything better to do?” he smiled crookedly at her to let her know he wasn’t mad. Annoyed and confused as to what possessed her to do such a thing, but not mad.
“Blame my mahnith,” Sef shrugged, jumping down from the roof to land beside Lilitu. It still made his stomach flip flop every time she jumped from that height. She was much braver than him. Sef continued, “she told me to come annoy you. I’m not even joking.”
Lilitu sighed. “Okay.”
“Just ‘okay’?” Sef raised an eyebrow. “Did it work?” she smiled.
“What kind of question is that? I’m soaked to the skin…of course it worked! Of course I’m annoyed!”
“Good,” Sef nodded seriously. She paused, as if deep in thought. “So let’s go do something!”
“You lost me at the ‘good’,” he blinked. Sef shook her head.
“Boys,” she scoffed. “You can’t have a decent conversation with them!”
“When you’re friends with a girl,” Lilitu muttered, “You can’t even sit on your porch in peace without taking a bath.”
“That’s because you stink.” Sef said. Lilitu’s eyes grew wide. Shoot. Sef must have seen the horrified look on his face because she quickly added, “I’m kidding! Jeez, you’re sensitive!”
“Okay,” Lilitu breathed a sigh of relief.
“Are you going to pick something to do? Because I’m this close to asking Cass if he wants to go on a run with me,” she held up her thumb and index finger with less than an inch between them. A run? Lilitu frowned. She was going to leave him behind and go with Cassian, Mr. Athletic? He couldn’t help but feel a little pang of hurt.
“Let’s go to the market,” he suggested.
Sef wrinkled her nose in disgust. “But that means we’d have to cross the Farnbron Brook!”
“Build a bridge, and get over it,” Lilitu said sarcastically. Sef looked blankly at him. “It’s something the humans say.”
“Why? Obviously we can’t build a bridge. If we could, we wouldn’t need one,” Sef frowned.
“It’s just a joke,” Lilitu tried to explain.
“It’s a bad joke. Now I’m annoyed,” Sef made a face.
“You can always ride on my back across,” Lilitu joked. Sef rolled her eyes.
Sef sighed dramatically. “I suppose if you can cross without falling on your face, anyone can. I’ll go. I guess. Fine.”
She grabbed Lilitu’s wrist and yanked him to his feet. “Let’s go.”
Lilitu hobbled down the stairs, clutching the banister for dear life, and then limped down the sidewalk. He wished he would have wrapped his foot in something, as the sidewalk always chapped the side of his foot, but he didn’t say anything and gritted his teeth, pushing through the pain.
“When we go to the market,” Lilitu winced as his foot twisted further, painfully, “we might want to avoid the Azer section. Especially Adar’s.” Though seven months had passed since he stole the bread from Adar, he was sure that Adar would remember him, and that their interaction would not be a positive one.
“Why?” asked Sef.
“Me and Adar have some…” Lilitu paused. “History. If you know what I mean.”
Sef nodded. “Don’t try to be cryptic, I can remember seven months back,” Sef laughed.
Dang it. So she does remember, Lilitu’s cheeks flushed at the conjuring up of one of his most embarrassing moments.
Suddenly the screen door crashed. “Lilitu, where are you guys going?” Cassian stepped out onto the porch. He swept the dark brown hair out of his icy blue eyes. His tan skin contrasted with his white shirt, and he raised an eyebrow. “Why are you soaking wet?”
Sef smiled sheepishly. “I kind of dumped a watering can on him.”
“Kind of?” Lilitu muttered under his breath.
“Atta girl,” Cass nodded his approval. Lilitu flashed a murderous glare at his older brother. “Where are you going?” he asked again.
“We’re going to the market,” Lilitu put in.
“Can I come?” Cass said.
“No, you can’t,” Lilitu frowned and began to walk away.
“Aww, you guys are no fun,” Cassian made a face, but to Lilitu’s relief Cass went back inside.
The two made their way down the familiar dirt path through the slums.
There was the old house that they frequently played in-the “arena” for their jousting battles, the place where they had spent so many of their carefree days of youth. There was a part of Lilitu that missed those days, but a part of him was ready to move on. Still though, all too frequently now, he found himself wandering inside, feeling the cracked boards under his hands, just standing there listening to the silence. He needed the house now more than ever, it was the one thing that remained the same when so much was changing.
When they had played happily in the house, innocent as they were, they had no fear of the unknown, they had no fear of the Pythonos, of great wars, of things beyond their control.
But now all was so different.
Ever since the war that divided their country that left every man for himself, ever since the Pythonos overthrew the Order, the government that kept all of Andromeda in harmony, that kept the peace, Andromeda had never been the same.
Now the Pythonos had turned the people against the Paynes. Now Paynes could no longer get jobs, they were deprived of necessities, and all because of their race. They were hated; cursed, beaten for the smallest of crimes, and their little children stolen away, never to return.
Lilitu often found these various problems a great weight on his shoulders, and he could never seem to get rid of it. But when he went into the old house, all his problems ceased to torment him, all his worries flew away as he felt the coarse grains of the wood, as he imagined days as they were years ago.
But walking with Sef was the ultimate cure. He didn’t know how she did it, but she never worried about tomorrow. She never worried where they were going to get their next meal, how they were going to make do. She almost always seemed to have everything under control.
Sef was always so joyful and happy, with such a bubbly personality, that it was impossible for Lilitu to be mad for long.
Sef seemed to spend her time caring for others, but sometimes Lilitu wondered, who was taking care of her?
Lukas&Livia
#Lalbert
Sef&Chase
#HOTTOLINE
LEFSE FOREVER!!!!!! <333Sorry I haven’t responded to this one until now. I think it’s good. All that I would mention is that the history tangent with the pythonos while only a paragraph or two, felt a little sudden. Lilitu is young, and while he may be thinking about these things, I think this part would flow much better if you made it much more of a personal experience for him, instead of a cosmic issue he’s contemplating. It obviously has impacted him personally, but I think we should see that more, if that makes sense.
He is perfect in Justice, yet He is perfect in Mercy, even when we fail Him. For this, He is good.
Yeah, I did notice that. It always seemed kind of unnatural and kind of stilted to me. Would it make it better if I tied it into the fact that he’s an orphan? He kind of struggles with that, because he was abandoned and never knew his parents. He loves Azazel and Indie so so so much, but he feels like he’s not worthy to be treated like a son. He kind of feels like he did something to make his parents give him up.
So should I do something like that so its more personal?
Lukas&Livia
#Lalbert
Sef&Chase
#HOTTOLINE
LEFSE FOREVER!!!!!! <333I think that would work yes. If he believed that they simply threw him away, then that would be something that would weigh on him heavily. However if this is to slide into the exposition you gave, that would mean he associates the Pythonos with his parents choice, which would suggest that it wasn’t their fault. This is the correct, but if that’s something you didn’t want him to realize yet, then perhaps play with it a little more still. Maybe this is something he does realize, and he tells himself that constantly, but he can’t shake the feeling that he’s simply worthless, and thus abandoned, or something like that.
He is perfect in Justice, yet He is perfect in Mercy, even when we fail Him. For this, He is good.
Wait. Now I’m thinking about it more, and since everyone knows that the Pythonos take the children away, then he wouldn’t think that his parents threw him away.
Maybe he just sees himself as worthless because of what the Pythonos do to the Paynes? Like you said, he can’t shake the feeling that somehow he deserved what the Pythonos were going to do to him.
Lukas&Livia
#Lalbert
Sef&Chase
#HOTTOLINE
LEFSE FOREVER!!!!!! <333Possibly, but this still feels kind of nebulas to me, even if it has a impact on him personally.
He is perfect in Justice, yet He is perfect in Mercy, even when we fail Him. For this, He is good.
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