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Hey Wyn!! Ooo, I’m so glad that you like Emiyn!!! Yes, I agree about the transition. I didn’t really notice that, haha (that’s what y’all are for, right? 😜). Also, I’m really glad you like the tone! Yep, it’s my old friend show-don’t-tell again… we have a long history, lol! And I totally get that about flashbacks instead of explaining, much more effective. 👍 Thanks SO much for reading!! ❤
what we do in life echoes in eternity
-gladiator, 2000Yay! It was so much fun to read!
Oh my goodness, thank you so much for thinking of me to read your story!! I haven’t check my notifications in a while so this is why I haven’t replied until now! I will read your chapter soon!
@nova21 Hey! I just wanted to say that I WILL read this, I’m a bit busy atm XD but I promise I will read this and give you feedback. 😀 Hope you understand!
staring at the fields
if nothing's really real
i'll make the winter now my home@nova21 Eyy sorry this took so long but I finally finished your chapter! I really like your setup, and I really want to know the overall story! Keep writing, girl!
Lately, it's been on my brain
Would you mind letting me know
If hours don't turn into days@nova21 I just finished reading your chapter and left some feedback in the document. Thanks for sharing it! I really enjoyed it! 😀
I'm a Kapeefer 'TIL WE'RE OLD AND GREY!
www.jennaterese.com@gracie-j, @devastate-lasting, @e-k-seaver, @daisy-torres, @scripter-of-kingdoms, @abigail-m, @issawriter7, @mkfairygirl, @writerlexi1216, @jenwriter17, @godlyfantasy12, @hallie-jean, @ribbonash, @wyn-rose
Hey everyone!! I just want to thank you all for your tips/input/reading/offering-to-read/etc. and I want you to know how much I appreciate y’all!!! ❤ I’ll definitely be using all your critiques to help improve the chapter. I actually think I’ll submit the second draft of the chapter to KP Critiques… who knows? Anyways, THANK YOU to everyone who’s read/about to read Lioness!!!!!!!!!!!!! 🥰
what we do in life echoes in eternity
-gladiator, 2000Aww, girl, you’re ABSOLUTELY 100% WELCOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It was a pleasure to be able to read that first chapter!!!!! I enjoyed it soooooo much!!!! Oooh, YEA!!! That’d be really cool!!!!!! You’re soooo welcome, Ella!!!!!!!!! <333
God gives His hardest battles to His strongest soldiers.
TeenWritersNook.comIt was my pleasure! 🙂
@nova21 I just finished reading the chapter and it was A-MA-ZING!!!!!! I loved it from the beginning, but I got really hooked when we got to the part with the “uncle”!!!!!! I love the MC too! She makes me think of a spy a little bit. 😉 I thought the pacing was really good and I would definitely keep reading!!! 🙂 I absolutely enjoyed it!!!!!
"It looks like a fairy world"~Meg from Little Women by Louisa May Alcott
Fall in love with Jesus@nova21 Of course! Anytime!
Lately, it's been on my brain
Would you mind letting me know
If hours don't turn into daysABSOLUTELY!!!! And YAY I can’t wait!!!!
"It's easy to be caught up in stardust and whispers when reality is so dark and loud."
1) Is this engaging? Did it hook you?
Yes and no. The first scene was unclear and a bit confusing, but it was still interesting. Just would love to have more details of the setting and more information about MC herself in that part. But the part right at the end of the first scene was the part that got me hooked. And the second scene just so engaging. This was the part that made me want more (just answered 4# right there.)
2) Is the MC interesting?
Yes. Though it would be great if maybe we got a little more internal dialogue throughout the first scene just to flesh her voice to the readers better.
3) How was the pacing? Was it consistent?
I honestly am not good at judging this because I can read a bunch of stories and never notice the pacing of it. I honestly don’t understand personally with getting annoyed or bothered by pacing. So I would say it was good and it felt consistent because nothing seemed really jarring or noticeable. But again I am not the best person to judge pacing.
4) And most of all, would you keep reading?
I basically said this before, but I will! The MC is interesting, there is stakes and conflict, and the hints about the world are super intriguing.
You’re welcome! It was my pleasure! I love your story so far, and I am happy to help improve it!
Also thank you for sharing this with me and letting me give feedback. I haven’t done a lot of feedback before, so take my advice with a grain of salt.
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