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OH MY GOODNESS!!!!!!!! IT WAS FANTASTIC!!!!! Where do I even begin??? Oh yes!!! The SUSPENSE!!!!!! It was brilliant!!! Totally hooked the whole time!!! You did a great job!!! I was very interested in Emiyn too! Which is such a cool name BTW! Assuming I spelled it correctly . . . 🙂 I would definitely keep reading! LIKE I WANT MORE!!!!! And I thought the pacing was great!!!
Proverbs 16:2
Aww, thanks SOO much!!! That means a lot ❤ (yes, Emiyn is spelled correctly 😜) So glad you enjoyed it!!! I’ll definitely be sharing more 👍
what we do in life echoes in eternity
-gladiator, 2000In answer to all four questions: yes!
It was excellent! I’m so curious about Nova Terra and the MC. I was hooked all the way through and I love Emiyn’s sarcasm! It’s an amazing piece 😀 The only edits I’d make have to do with grammar:)YAY!!!! I’m SO glad you like it!!!!! ❤ You can make the edits on the doc if you want to–I’d appreciate it, but I just meant that it wasn’t a big deal to me, at least, not as much as the story itself. Thanks so much for your kind words!!! 😃
what we do in life echoes in eternity
-gladiator, 2000Sounds good, I’ll leave the grammar edits on the suggestions bar:)
Lioness’s first chapter is just SO intriguing, I’d love to read more if you decide to post the second chapter!@nova21 Ooh, YA futuristic spec-fic? Sounds like my thing. 😉 I’ll definitely be reading it; thanks for letting us!
I'm a Kapeefer 'TIL WE'RE OLD AND GREY!
www.jennaterese.comELLAAAAAAA!!!!!!! I ADORE THIS STORY SOOOOO MUCH!!!!!!!!! It’s AH-MAY-ZHING!!!!! That opening chapter was PERFECT!!! This is a book I’d read in one sitting. I’ve just gotta know more about EVERYONE!!!! I N C R E D I B L E!!!!!!! <33 I’m just sooo proud of you, girl!!! <33
God gives His hardest battles to His strongest soldiers.
TeenWritersNook.comOops, I was soooo caught up in how amazing the story was, I forgot to answer your questions. *facepalm* Well, here we go…
Girl, this is sooooo engaging!!! I am hooked beyond measure!!!!!!
YESS!!!! The MC is VERY interesting!!! It’s hard to truly know a lot about her from the first chapter, but I can already tell, she’ll grow into someone I’m gonna LOOOOVE!!!!
The pacing was PERFECT!!! The first chapter did a great job in grabbing the reader’s attention and because you left us with more questions than answers, we’ve just GOT TO keep reading. *hint, hint* Maybe give us some more….*puppy dog eyes*
Girl, I would SOOOO KEEP READING THIS STORY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I hope all of that helps!
God gives His hardest battles to His strongest soldiers.
TeenWritersNook.com1) Is this engaging? Did it hook you?
Yeah, mostly. It has a lot of potentials. It’s a first draft, so it’s obviously going to be messy, and there were a lot of times where you could have used “show-don’t-tell” but the premise was good.
2) Is the MC interesting?
Yes, certainly. I would have liked to know her name a little sooner, though. (Also this just made me realise that I’m three chapters into a WIP and still haven’t given my MC’s name. Oops.) In my edited-almost-ready-for-publication book, I give the MC’s name in the first 500 words. You were almost 3x that before you gave her name. If you wait much longer than 500, it gets frustrating for the reader.
3) How was the pacing? Was it consistent?
Mostly, yeah. But I’m curious how you’ll keep up the pacing. It’s really fast
4) And most of all, would you keep reading?
Maybe? Not at this point, no, because it’s still in really rough stages. But the premise is good, yeah.
The pen is mightier than the sword, but in a duel, I'm taking the sword.
ekseaver.wordpress.com@nova21, also, I wasn’t trying to be mean with any of my comments. I generally edit/critique in a very straightforward manner.
The pen is mightier than the sword, but in a duel, I'm taking the sword.
ekseaver.wordpress.comI’d love to critique!! Good luck with your book <3
"It's easy to be caught up in stardust and whispers when reality is so dark and loud."
@nova21 Oooh, you finished the first chapter?!!!!! HOW EXCITING!!!!!!!!!!!😀😀 I can’t wait to read it!!!!!! Thank you so much for thinking of me!!!<3<3
"It looks like a fairy world"~Meg from Little Women by Louisa May Alcott
Fall in love with JesusHey, Ella! Sorry it took me a while to read this. I left my comments on the doc. 😉
1) Yes! You set up tension and conflict that makes me want to read more.
2) Definitely! I love her internal monologue and her sarcasticness (is that a word?).
3) I think it was pretty good. The second scene sort of felt like it fast forwarded a little too much. Maybe you could squeeze in an extra scene to fill in the blanks?
4) I think I would! I have questions that I’d love to see answered and I’d love to know more about about the main character and her backstory!
Great job!
Hey Jenna! Ooo, good, so glad you’ll read it!!! 😃 Yep, I love spec-fic too. ❤
Hey Issa! Aww, thanks SO much!!!! ❤ That means a lot–you’re so good at making peoples’ days, lol!! 😜 And thanks for reading!!
Hey Daisy! Thanks for reading and I hope you like it!! 😃
Hey Katherine! Of course, I hope you like it!!!! 😊
Hey Kayleigh! Thanks SO much for the feedback!!! I get what you mean about the pace. Your comments were really helpful. And I’m glad you like Emiyn! 😊 Thanks for reading!!
Hey Emily! Don’t worry about sounding mean–I can take it! (lol, jk, you aren’t mean!! 😊) I really appreciated your feedback–thanks for taking the time to read it! I’ll probably try to slow the pacing down, but not make it boring. Glad you like the premise!
(new goal: get Emily hooked.)🙂 I’ll definitely keep your critiques in mind. Thanks for your honesty!!! ❤😉what we do in life echoes in eternity
-gladiator, 20001) Yes! I found the way you started the story really drew me in with the description and the feeling the writing evoked. The first paragraph really set the tone of the scene!
2) Yeah, I though Emiyn was interesting. I felt like the section where she spoke about her sister especially gave more dimension to her character and made me warm up to her. I think it’s really important to give your character strong motivation right from the beginning of the story (in most cases), and this seems like exactly what you did! It gives us a reason to root for the MC.
3) I thought the pacing was fine, but I might not be the best person to judge that. I do agree with @kayleigh-idea, though, that the second scene felt like it fast-forwarded a little. I might have liked to have spent a little more time with Emiyn before the scene immediately changed to have a smoother transition.
4) Yes! The first chapter makes me want to know what happens to Emiyn, since you’ve already established a reason for me to want her to succeed, and set a really cool tone for the story. You’ve also made me curious about the situation she’s in, as well as her past, so I’d probably read on to find out the details.
All in all, I really enjoyed reading what you wrote! One thing I would recommend is being careful when you reveal things about Emiyn’s past or her current circumstances in the form of telling instead of showing. This can work, but I think it would be more effective to, for example, have her very briefly flash back to the moment she realized Midhael was afraid of heights rather than state that she remembers it (again, just a random example. Of course it won’t work in all circumstances!). There are also some times the wording is a little awkward in particular sentences, which can be really easily changed. That’s just my opinion, though. The scenes you began with were intriguing, and I hope we get to read more some time! 🙂
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