Lioness: Chapter One Critique

This topic has 43 replies, 15 voices, and was last updated 3 years, 10 months ago by Ribbonash.

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February 20, 2021 at 9:31 pm #93643
ella
@nova21
- Rank: Knight in Shining Armor
- Total Posts: 604
Hey people!!! I finished my first chapter of Lioness (YA, futuristic speculative fiction), and I’d LOVE it if y’all could read and critique it for me!!! It’s about 2000 words long. And please please please don’t hold back on critiquing–I’m trying to become a better writer so I absolutely need to know what has to change. (~~And besides, I can handle you guys beating up my baby, lol totally joking!!!~~ 😆) FYI, there is no explicit language, just “(they) cursed/swore.”

A couple things I’d like feedback on:

1) Is this engaging? Did it hook you?

2) Is the MC interesting?

3) How was the pacing? Was it consistent?

4) And most of all, would you keep reading?

And, of course, anything else. Formatting doesn’t matter so much. 😊

So let me tag some people…

@gracie-j, @devastate-lasting, @e-k-seaver, @daisy-torres, @scripter-of-kingdoms, @abigail-m, @lewilliams, @kathleenramm, @issawriter7, @mkfairygirl, @william-starkey, @writerlexi1216, @jenwriter17, @godlyfantasy12, @seekjustice, @hallie-jean, @ribbonash, @hobbitchild, @abigailharder, @kayleigh-idea, @joy-caroline, @wyn-rose, @libby, @r-m-archer, @anyone-and-everyone-else

I hope I’m not missing anyone, and if I bothered you, pretend you never saw this… 😉

I hope y’all like it!! (@gracie-j, I may have missed some indents, so feel free to mess around with those 😉)

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1mOa59rG0didE74FCXiNdPehDb8tnZ73Fa_jJ4nG1GhA/edit?usp=sharing
- This topic was modified 3 years, 10 months ago by ella.
what we do in life echoes in eternity
-gladiator, 2000
February 20, 2021 at 9:38 pm #93651
Anonymous
- Rank: Eccentric Mentor
- Total Posts: 1789
@nova21 YAY! This is fantastic! I can’t wait to read it! Thank you for sharing!!! So, it denied me access, so I’ve sent a request, so you may have to allow access to anyone with the link… (And that’s a lot of soes!)

And I’ll definitely help you with your indents! XD
February 20, 2021 at 9:40 pm #93653
ella
@nova21
- Rank: Knight in Shining Armor
- Total Posts: 604
@gracie-j

Ok, give me a sec, I’ll make it public.. YAYAY!!! thanks for reading!!!!! ❤

what we do in life echoes in eternity
-gladiator, 2000
February 20, 2021 at 9:42 pm #93655
ella
@nova21
- Rank: Knight in Shining Armor
- Total Posts: 604
@gracie-j

did it work?

what we do in life echoes in eternity
-gladiator, 2000
February 20, 2021 at 9:43 pm #93656
Anonymous
- Rank: Eccentric Mentor
- Total Posts: 1789
@nova21 YES! I’ll get started on it right now!!!
February 20, 2021 at 10:02 pm #93666
Anonymous
- Rank: Eccentric Mentor
- Total Posts: 1789
@nova21 It was AWESOME! I made a few minor edits, and the only thing I would say is just to remember that you’re writing present tense! XD You slipped into past tense a few times there!

Also, maybe a little more emotion?? Otherwise, I loved it and I really like Emiyn! Fantastic job, girl!
February 20, 2021 at 10:03 pm #93667
Anonymous
- Rank: Eccentric Mentor
- Total Posts: 1789
Oh, yeah, and to answer your questions…

Definitely engaging. I’m totally hooked.

Oh, yeah. She was terrific. I can’t wait to find out more about her story!

Yeah, I’d say so.

Without a doubt!
February 20, 2021 at 10:06 pm #93668
Abigail.M.
@abigail-m
- Rank: Eccentric Mentor
- Total Posts: 1242
@nova21

This sounds awesome! I’d be glad to read and critique:) Warning: I am a pretty slow reader:)
February 20, 2021 at 10:18 pm #93669
ella
@nova21
- Rank: Knight in Shining Armor
- Total Posts: 604
@gracie-j

Great, thanks!!!!!!! glad you liked it ❤

what we do in life echoes in eternity
-gladiator, 2000
February 20, 2021 at 10:18 pm #93670
Issabelle Perry
@issawriter7
- Rank: Knight in Shining Armor
- Total Posts: 976
@nova21

OOOOOOHHHH!!!!!!!!! YAAAAAAAY!!!!!!! *jumps up and down and gets super excited* I’d ABSOLUTELY LOOOOOVE to read this story!!!!! THANK YOU SOOO MUCH for thinking of me!!! I’ll try to read it tomorrow, if schoolwork chooses to play nicely!! 😉 I already know I’m soooooo gonna love this!!! <33

God gives His hardest battles to His strongest soldiers.
TeenWritersNook.com
February 20, 2021 at 10:24 pm #93671
ella
@nova21
- Rank: Knight in Shining Armor
- Total Posts: 604
@issawriter7

Of course, gotta have Issa read my stuff cuz she’s amazing!! 😉 I totally get school problems, good luck, lol!!!!

Enjoy!!! ❤

what we do in life echoes in eternity
-gladiator, 2000
February 20, 2021 at 10:27 pm #93672
Issabelle Perry
@issawriter7
- Rank: Knight in Shining Armor
- Total Posts: 976
@nova21

Awww, girl, you’re TOO SWEET!!!!!! THANK YOU!!!!!!! *blushes* <33

God gives His hardest battles to His strongest soldiers.
TeenWritersNook.com
February 21, 2021 at 7:50 am #93674
Alexa Autorski
@writerlexi1216
- Rank: Eccentric Mentor
- Total Posts: 1011
@nova21

OHMYGOSH girl this was so good!!! You have exceptional talent, let me tell you 😉 The suspense, the questions (which I NEED answered by the way!!), and the characters were all written very well! If you ever want to share more (pleasepleaseplease do!), I’d happily read it! And, by the way, I love the title!
February 21, 2021 at 9:06 am #93675
E. K. Seaver
@e-k-seaver
- Rank: Knight in Shining Armor
- Total Posts: 344
@nova21 I have to work today so I’m super busy, but remind me tomorrow

The pen is mightier than the sword, but in a duel, I'm taking the sword.
ekseaver.wordpress.com
February 21, 2021 at 10:35 am #93677
ella
@nova21
- Rank: Knight in Shining Armor
- Total Posts: 604
@writerlexi1216

Aw, thanks Lexi!!! I’ll definitely tag you when I post more. 😉

@e-k-Seaver

definitely!! Have a good day!!!

what we do in life echoes in eternity
-gladiator, 2000
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