Home Page › Forums › Fiction Writing › Critiques › Novel Critique Requests › I’ve started my draft, would you guys keep reading this story?
- This topic has 238 replies, 17 voices, and was last updated 3 months ago by MineralizedWritings.
-
AuthorPosts
-
December 6, 2022 at 12:45 pm #123275Anonymous
- Rank: Chosen One
- Total Posts: 8156
Thanks! <333
You’re very welcome!!! 😀
Hehe I love making people conflicted 😁
UGHHHHHHH….XDXDXDXD
But in all honesty, I do too…XD Hope you’re not still conflicted about Riker…but if you are…well…I’m still determined to change your mind. xDDecember 6, 2022 at 1:02 pm #123287@freedomwriter76
Well, about Riker… perhaps I have done some snooping around the spoiler forum 😂 I shouldn’t have lol but I know some things now 🤣
I don’t know everything though. It was only a brief snooping.
"And so I left this world just as I had entered it. Confused."
December 6, 2022 at 1:04 pm #123288Anonymous- Rank: Chosen One
- Total Posts: 8156
Well then…XD
Alright…alright…it’s okay…I shared it…that’s my own doing…but don’t tell anyone…XD
December 6, 2022 at 1:07 pm #123292@freedomwriter76
Well then…XD
oOpS
Alright…alright…it’s okay…I shared it…that’s my own doing…but don’t tell anyone…XD
Lol don’t worry, I wouldn’t.
🤐
- This reply was modified 1 year, 11 months ago by MineralizedWritings. Reason: cant tag aparently
"And so I left this world just as I had entered it. Confused."
December 7, 2022 at 2:34 pm #123505Sorry it’s taken me so long to read this, I’ve been busy 😏 Excited to read more, though!
I listened to the interstellar soundtrack while writing some of this, loved it! It keeps your attention enough so that you don’t feel bored, puts you in the zone for writing another world, and still lets you focus on the writing.
Oh yeah, movie and video game soundtracks are the best for writing
I love Tauren and Lesli, they’re adorable! 😂
I loved the chapter! More talk of the outside and Tauren and Lesli being the best! 😍
December 7, 2022 at 3:33 pm #123536Don’t worry about it!
I’ve been busy 😏
The emoji has me intrigued 🤨
Busy writing?
I love Tauren and Lesli, they’re adorable! 😂
I loved the chapter! More talk of the outside and Tauren and Lesli being the best! 😍
Yay! Glad you think so! <3
"And so I left this world just as I had entered it. Confused."
December 7, 2022 at 7:23 pm #123613Lol, a little. I’m mostly getting caught up in school cause I fell a little behind.
But I’m still writing!
I have no idea why I put that emoji, I just did 😏 I’m not smirking about lots of school 🤣
December 7, 2022 at 11:49 pm #123645Yeah… I fell behind in school to. And yeah I don’t think we’re smirking about it 😂
I’m kinda still writing? I uh… attempting to figure out Kieryn myself… my story is kinda on hold until I figure some stuff out 😂 like I now thing I want to happen, but connecting them is hard.
"And so I left this world just as I had entered it. Confused."
December 8, 2022 at 2:29 pm #123694School 😣😔
Lol, yeah, that’s understandable. Usually when I run into a problem or plot hole in my writing I just kinda stop and take a while to actually figure it out, but I can’t do that now. Cause this is being graded! Yay… I’m supposed to be getting about a chapter a week, which is much more than I usually write, especially while I’m also doing all my other schoolwork. So yeah… I’ve fallen a little behind 😐😏
December 12, 2022 at 3:32 pm #124196@theloonyone @loopylin @felicity @arien @starofthenorth @whalekeeper @lightoverdarkness6 sorry if I forgot anyone!
If you feel like reading, I suggest you go back into the forum and find the other chapters first 🙂
Keiryn stares into his empty cup.
“What now?” He glances at his watch. “I’ve got 3 hours to burn.”
“I’m going to head home.” Carson stands up, along with a few others.
“Sure.” Keiryn stays seated, waiting to see if anyone else stays.
“Well. Just you and me then?” Kieryn says, smiling at Lila.
“Yeah.” She replies, swirling the last of her tea. “You know who that was right?”
“Hm? Not really.”
“He’s that guy that tried to tell you to leave in the mines.” Lila looks over at Kieryn.
“Oh.” Keiryn narrows his eyes, trying to remember. “Yes. I remember him. You’re right. That was him.”
“He knows your cousin?”
“I suppose. She’s from another district.” Kieryn says.
“What district?”
“We don’t talk about it. I never asked because her mom just seems so…” He pauses. “I think her mom doesn’t want to talk about anything related to their past. She just… wants to believe it never happened I suppose.”
“Well, what happened?”
“Her parents are divorced.”
“Oh. You didn’t have to tell me that.” Lila says, shifting uncomfortably.
“No, it’s ok. It’s not that big a deal.” He shrugs. “You get on with life.”
“You don’t think that was kind of personal?”
“I mean it’s not her problem. It’s her parent’s problem.” Keiryn says, looking down the hallway towards his unit.
“True.”
“Hey, I really enjoyed visiting the districts with you last week.” Lila says with a smile.
“Oh thanks! I did too.”
“I’m a little bummed it’s over.” Lila laughs.
“Your parents would have been so upset if they knew we were runnin’ around past bedtime.” Keiryn says with a laugh.
“They’d never believe us would they.”
“Oh true! We’d get in trouble for lying first.” Lila exclaims.
“Yeah!” Keiryn laughs.
“I’m bummed it’s over.”
Kieryn looks over at Lila. “Honestly… Same. I mean I’m glad were done—”
“Come to think of it, you’ve got quite the responsibility now, right?” Keiryn says.
“Yeah. I can’t tell anyone.” Lila says quietly. “Why did you trust me?”
“What, to go with me?”
“Yeah. You could’ve gone alone.” She leans back in her chair. “You didn’t know me very well when we first started.”
“True. I think I was willing to take a risk.”
“You still could’ve gone alone though.”
“Y’know Lila, I do everything alone.” Keiryn leans his chin on his hand.
“It would have been safer though.” Lila says. “It’d be a disgrace to your family if somebody found out. Your fault it would be too.”
“You’re right.” Kieryn sighs.
I don’t like being alone.
“I can only take so much of it though.” Keiryn glances at his watch. “It’s getting past lunch, you need to be somewhere?”
“Yeah. Like always. I have to go hang out with my parent’s and the Denis’s next door.” Lila rolls her eyes.
“Ok, well off you go.” Keiryn smiles, standing up. “I’ll head home.”
“Bye!” Lila waves as she walks off.
“Bye.” Keiryn puts his blazer back on, pulling the sleeves down slightly.
Walking home, Keiryn lets his eyes roam around the crowds of people chatting.
I feel like my mind is abuzz. Last week was so busy.
Keiryn thinks back too last Saturday night.
“Hey Lila…you there?” Keiryn creeps around the corner of the hallway, glancing left and right.
“Yeah I’m here.”
“You ready?”
“Yep! Can hardly contain my excitement!”
“Ok! We’re heading straight this way.” Keiryn points straight. “I’m surprised you aren’t getting tired of this by now.”
“Yeah. We’ve got horrible luck.” Lila laughs. “I’ll do a few more though.”
“Every district we visit seems to be the wrong one.” Keiryn sighs.
“And why do you want this so bad anyways?” Lila asks.
“I’d just like to know.” Keiryn says innocently.
“Yeah right. You’ve got a motive under that lame excuse.” Lila says, rolling her eyes.
“Oh C’mon. There’s a left up here.” Keiryn jogs ahead a bit. “Y’want to know something weird?”
“Sure.”
“If this is the right district, we could… theoretically… take a shortcut back.” Keiryn says, with caution.
“I wouldn’t. You’d end up making me walk home alone.” Lila says defiantly. “Besides, that would be a very dangerous shortcut.”
“I’m surprised you even brought that up.” Lila adds.
“Well, I wouldn’t like aaactually go there.” Keiryn says rolling his eyes back at her.
“Ok, so what is the point of this whole thing? Find the way to someplace you’ll never go?” Lila says in a frustrated tone.
Kieyrn hesitates. “I just… I’m curious, ok? It’s good information to have.”
“Well, ok then. You can figure that out later. What’s the next turn?”
“A right.”
They walk on for another mile in total silence, through the dimly lit halls.
“I feel like we’re beating the system.” Kieryn says, turning to Lila with a smirk.
They laugh.
“Yeah—look at us go. Whoever put that in place didn’t consider there’s ‘smart’ people out there.” Lila says with a smirk.
They laugh again.
“Couldn’t do it without you.” Keiryn says sincerely, looking at Lila.
“Pf, yeah you could!” Lila says. “You’re probably just being nice and letting me experience a taste of your popularity.”
“Everyone likes you y’know.” She adds.
Keiryn shrugs. “I suppose.”
“What does that mean?! This is like the height of your life!” She raises her hands in the air for emphasis.
“Everyone likes you, you have more friends than anyone could wish for, even the adults like you!”
Keiryn looks away uncomfortably.
People, ‘like me’.
But they don’t love me.
Keiryn fiddles with the buttons on his blazer.
I thought having so many friends would make me feel great.
Ok that was pretty short.
All I have to say about Keiryn is…
be confused 😏.
I looked at the bottom of the post and realized I nearly included a note to self about Keiryn that was a spoiler. Oops lol glad I caught that.
"And so I left this world just as I had entered it. Confused."
December 12, 2022 at 4:00 pm #124210Wow, Keiryn is getting more and more interesting, complicated and mysterious! I’m guessing he’s trying to find…never mind. I’ll just wait and see. I like how you brought Lila back into the story.
I looked at the bottom of the post and realized I nearly included a note to self about Keiryn that was a spoiler. Oops lol glad I caught that.
Close call… 😀
He must increase, but I must decrease.
December 12, 2022 at 4:04 pm #124211Haha yes… I love mysterious characters. 😀
"And so I left this world just as I had entered it. Confused."
December 12, 2022 at 4:57 pm #124220Oh cool! He’s trying to find the, uh… thing to the… place. Don’t want to spoil to whoever hasn’t figured it out yet 😆. I’m starting to like Keiryn more and more.
“Nothing says autumn like slurpin’ apples.” -my uncle
December 12, 2022 at 5:01 pm #124223Oh cool! He’s trying to find the, uh… thing to the… place.
Good guess, it’s not what you’re thinking though. You’re close. 😀
hahahah I confuse people XD"And so I left this world just as I had entered it. Confused."
December 12, 2022 at 5:13 pm #124231I’ll definitely go back and read through the other chapters. I just don’t have time now.🙂
Write what should not be forgotten. — Isabel Allende
-
AuthorPosts
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.