How to Portray Adoptive Parents Realistically

[Whaley]

Hi! Um…so, I’ve been trying to write this story with an adoptive parents – adopted child relationship, and I want to make sure I’m not making these parents seem irresponsible or vague in their decision-making.

This boy, Kit, has been living with his next-of-kin after his parents disappeared on an expedition. He’s twelve, but so far, it’s more of a foster care thing than a permanent situation. It’s a different world, so the laws are sort of mixed up, what with magical creatures and stuff. He’s been with his uncle and aunt for six years now. They’ve pulled a few strings, as you can see. They’ve been off the grid for at least a few of those years, because they actually live on a magical creature in the middle of the wild.

All that said, the uncle and aunt want to go back to the city, and make the adoption official. Does it seem irresponsible to be putting it off so long, or is it okay, what with their situation in the world? And do adopting parents like to ask the child if they want to be adopted?

If you have experience with this, there’s no need to even say you have, everyone’s life is private and I will assume nothing. I just want some honest feedback, and if you think this aspect of the story should be changed, I’d love to hear your opinions 🙂

KaPeefers 'til we're old and gray...

[Elishavet Pidyon]

@whalekeeper

I really don’t have experience with this, whether in life or in writing. However, I do have some friends that are part of a large family where each of them was adopted. As well as a family in our church that fostered to adopt. Adoption is beautiful, and I love it in a book.

I’ll tag @joy-caroline , because she has some knowledge with writing adoption.

…and I might like some advice on the subject myself, because I do actually have an adoptive situation in one of my WIPs, and I’m not sure it’s quite correctly portrayed as well.

My charries’ are in an interesting place where  they must follow in the steps of their first parents. I don’t want to make the adopted parents seem artificial just because their son is called to raise again the work of his biological father.

Does that make any sense?

You have listened to fears, child. Come, let me breathe on you... Are you brave again? -Aslan

[Anonymous]

@whalekeeper

Hey! I don’t think we’ve met formally on KP yet. I absolutely adore adoption stories. The historical fiction book I’m writing right now centers completely on the adorable relationship between a daughter and her adoptive father. Adoption is just one of the most beautiful things ever and I love it in books so much.

I’ll try to tailor my advice to your book’s specific situation, though I’ll say first that it’s quite different from my book’s situation. In my book, the adoptive dad and daughter are not biologically related in any way, in contrast to yours – the adoptive parents being the aunt and uncle is quite a different situation. But I hope my advice helps you out a bit! 🙂

For your first question, I’d say it depends on the situation. If the aunt and uncle have a legitimate reason they haven’t been able to adopt the child yet, then it wouldn’t be irresponsible. Plus, kids don’t need to be given a label to know that they belong and are loved – limiting love to labels is cheap. However, I’d say make sure the aunt and uncle haven’t put off the adoption simply because they don’t want to leave and go into the city or because they’re lazy or don’t care enough or some other such lame reason.

In answer to your second question, I’d say that for your story’s specific situation, it’d probably be nice to have the aunt and uncle sit their nephew down, explain that they’d like to legally adopt him, and ask how he feels about it. Your character is definitely old enough to want a say in the matter, and he can probably remember a time before living with his aunt and uncle, so that’s something to consider. However, it depends on the nephew’s relationship with his aunt and uncle. Depending on the bond they have, they might not need to ask if he’d like to be adopted – they might even legally adopt him as a surprise or something. It pretty much all depends.

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