Help with a scene

[RAE]

As some of you may know, I’m currently writing a type of sci-fi fantasy titled Guardian Angels, a space story. The main main character is Nahim, and the side character who kinda stole part of the spotlight is his best friend, Mandin. The antag is a king named Vorgan. Nahim and Vorgan are not only from warring nations, but also have personal grudges against each other (Vorgan killed Nahim’s family, Nahim killed Vorgan’s brother and cut off his left arm.) They have it out for each other.

Being a king, Vorgan eventually manages to capture Nahim. One thing happens after another, and Nahim is rescued from death by Krogen, the comedic relief warrior, but Nahim is badly wounded and emotionally broken.

Once Nahim is safe and his wounds are cared for, Mandin, being his best friend, is summoned to try and give Nahim the will to live somehow.

 

I’m kinda split on how to write this part. Do I focus more on Nahim’s POV, slipping in and out of consciousness and delirium, potentially missing some interesting bits of info about his condition, or go for Mandin’s POV, watching his friend battle, and having more and clearer information about what’s going on?

I would like your thoughts.

 

If you want more context, beware of spoilers.

"You need French Toast."
#AnduthForever (hopefully 💕)

[RAE]

Probably should put some tags on this:

@ellette-giselle @keilah-h @freed_and_redeemed @loopylin @calyhuge @linus-smallprint @theducktator @esther-c @grcr @lightoverdarkness6 @idk

"You need French Toast."
#AnduthForever (hopefully 💕)

[Ellette Giselle]

@rae

 

Ooo, I love these scenes. I find it most satisfying as a reader if you do a mix of both. Go from one point of view to another. Keep it fluid, but let us feel both characters struggles and grief.

So like this:

Good sized chunk about Nahim. (two to five paragraphs i would say, or somewhere around there)

***

Good sized chunk about Mandin

***

Nahim

***

Mandin

etc. I enjoy writing and reading this because it almost makes you feel like you are in the room as well as having a full overview of the story. Your sort of in there with the author getting to experience it all.

 

That’s my suggestion.

Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God

[-GRCR-]

@rae

I like Ellette’s idea. So my first vote would go to that…

But then my second vote would be for the whole POV to be Mandin.

😄

 

INTP.

[hybridlore]

@rae

I second @ellette-giselle, but I would probably make the larger portion of it Mandin’s, and then a shorter scene/s from Nahim’s point of view. Being inside the mind of a character who’s depressed and delirious can be disorienting (wow, alliteration there lol.) Except if the rest of the book is from Nahim’s POV–then, it might be better just to keep it consistent.

Some day you will be old enough to start reading fairy tales again. ~ C.S. Lewis

[Keilah H.]

@rae Yeah, personally I think it should switch between the two characters, unless the whole book is solidly from one character’s POV, in which case stick with him.

"When in doubt, eat cheese crackers."-me to my charries who don't even know about cheese crackers

[calyhuge]

@rae

I actually recently wrote a short scene somewhat like this, where a character’s arm got shot by a poison arrow and he had to have an amputation. Basically I did it from the amputee’s part until he blacked out and then from his bystanding friend’s standpoint. I definitely think you should go with @ellette-giselle ‘s idea, but to build on it more, if he’s drifting in and out of consciousness, when he’s unconscious, probably do the other guy, but when he is (sort of) conscious, do it from Nahim’s POV.

Of couse, all this is dependent on how long this section will be. Is it a quarter of the book, or a page? The shorter it is, then either the shorter the little sections of each character’s POV should be, or the less switches there should be (the latter is more gentle on the reader imho). The longer it is, the more I would suggest having something else going on in the background (a battle, a search for a doctor, a political commentary, etc.), and thus the longer Mandin’s POV should be…

This is getting complicated

Key takeaway: Do at least one of each POV, and keep other factors in mind to see exactly what that looks like.

I ❤️ Debating Theology
I ❤️ Family Heritage
I ❤️ Medievals

[Esther]

@rae

I would encourage you to play around with it and see what you like. This is a first or second draft, so I wouldn’t worry too much about the POVs being in the right place.

But yeah, I really like what Calyhuge suggested. Sometimes you just have to write and figure it out as well. Definitely write from both POVs in this part of the draft, then when you’re editing/looking back over it, determine which arrangement feels right.

Write what should not be forgotten. — Isabel Allende

[Author]

Posts