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I haven’t been keeping up with all of this, but MA’AM.
way to tear me into pieces on a random Friday morningšš
Oh my word! Hello! I had no idea you were reading this!!!
Way to tear me into pieces on a random Friday morningšš
Part of me is sorry, and the other part of me is very satisfied. š
Any thoughts on this section in particular?
No half-heartedness and no worldly fear must turn us aside from following the light unflinchingly.
@ellette-giselle I only read the section you shared today, I picked quite the section to readšš
Any thoughts on this section in particular?
Other than I think it shattered me??? š
it’s really good, I love the strength they all have for their faith and their determination to stand no matter the cost.
I think it’s sad enough and portrays persecution very well without it being too graphic, and I really appreciate that
oof. Sorry.š¬š
Aw thank you. Philipp and his guys were pretty minor characters, but I always loved them. I read the true account of this exact same thing happening to a group of Roman soldiers and their lieutenant. I remember tearing up because of how sad it was that these young men had their lives cut short so brutally, but I was also just so proud of them and cheering inside.
Hope that feeling came across in this scene.
I think itās sad enough and portrays persecution very well without it being too graphic, and I really appreciate that
Well good. That’s the goal.
Would you like me to start tagging you, or was this just a random moment where you popped in to see what I was up to?
No half-heartedness and no worldly fear must turn us aside from following the light unflinchingly.
@ellette-giselle You can tag me, sure! But I can’t make any promises on me reading all of the sectionsš š«¶
and that feeling definitely came across in the scene
Sounds good! I love reading your comments!!
Great! I’m so glad it did.
No half-heartedness and no worldly fear must turn us aside from following the light unflinchingly.
@ellette-giselle haha I’m glad you like my commentaryš
Itās the gang, yāall. The same gang from last book. The same gang we left at the end of the last book and are now picking up and the beginning of the next.
Do I really gotta remind the reader?Yes, because some of us are too stoopid to remember. Also, I thought some of them might have gone separate ways, which can often happen in between books in a series.
Yāall, this book is rough.
Rough as in violent, or rough as in not turning out the way you hoped it would? Guess I will find out.
…
…
… defiantly violent rough, yup.Their Lieutenant, Philipp Roth, stepped through their small encampment, checking tents here and there, and asking how the men fared.
…
āCold,ā Kurt added, his teeth chattering.
I know Hans, but who are these two?
The c commander was smiling down at Philipp
Extra ‘c’.
With that last breath, Lieutenant Philipp Roth sealed his faith with blood.
Yikes!
I was expecting at least one of them to survive. Though at the same time, knowing you, part of me expected them to all die as well.
It is very unusual to go to a side character as a point of view character, just to kill them off right away. Though I have scene it done before, in prologues, as a way to establish the threat the character faces when you don’t want the character to encounter it until later. Would this section perhaps work better as a prologue?
(Note: If this does become a prologue, this doesn’t mean you have to come up with one for every single book. I’ve seen series where only some of the books have prologues. But the decision of whether to prologue it or not is up to you.)
Sometimes it is necessary to paint the sky black in order to see the stars.
Yes, because some of us are too stoopid to remember.
Oh.
Okay.
Rough as in violent, or rough as in not turning out the way you hoped it would? Guess I will find out.
ā¦
ā¦
ā¦ defiantly violent rough, yup.Yeah……. and sad. And Brutal.
I know Hans, but who are these two?
Lieutenant Roth was the man Hans and his company are under. (he was mentioned a few times in passing during the last book) Kurt and Franz are Hans’ twin brothers. (they also show up off and on in the last book)
Yikes!
I was expecting at least one of them to survive. Though at the same time, knowing you, part of me expected them to all die as well.
Yeah… sorry bout that.
It is very unusual to go to a side character as a point of view character, just to kill them off right away…. Would this section perhaps work better as a prologue?
No, I don’t think so. First off, Philipp and his men have been in and out of the last book a couple times, and we know Hans and the twins by name pretty easily.
Secondly, this sets the stage for things that follow, as well as raising the stakes for our heroes. They just took out their own soldiers.Ā I like it where it is as it is sort of the first rush of the downhill slide we’re about to hit.
No half-heartedness and no worldly fear must turn us aside from following the light unflinchingly.
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Itās the gang, yāall. The same gang from last book. The same gang we left at the end of the last book and are now picking up and the beginning of the next.
Do I really gotta remind the reader?
In the previous books in the series, the POV characters switched every time. Especially with the way that you left off the last book–with Rolf, Roland, and Aelic getting separated from Leon and Julian because they wanted to go visit their family (right?), I think you should remind us.
Yikes. This is a sad section.
There’s a lot of head-hopping. I would put a *** every time you switch POVs (first it’s Hans, then Kurt, and finally Philip) just to make it clear to the reader that we’re in someone else’s head now.
You spelled Philip’s name Philipp several times.
And I’m struggling a little to remember who these people were. Now that I thought about it, I think that we met them in the last book, and they went to the church meetings started by Leon and Julian, right? But in the beginning I did not remember who they were. Maybe adding in a paragraph of backstory would help us remember easier? Something about how the Schmitz brothers ended up here after the church meetings dismantled.
I don’t really have anything else to say. That was pretty dark. I’m glad the men stood strong, but . . . yikes.
"Don't shine so that others can see you. Shine so that through you, others can see Him." ~ C. S.
I like it where it is as it is sort of the first rush of the downhill slide weāre about to hit.
Oh no.
"Don't shine so that others can see you. Shine so that through you, others can see Him." ~ C. S.
Especially with the way that you left off the last bookāwith Rolf, Roland, and Aelic getting separated from Leon and Julian because they wanted to go visit their family (right?), I think you should remind us.
No, they haven’t traveled far enough for that to be a thing yet. So far they are all heading in the same direction together. That’s how I ended the last book.
I can add some reminders though.
Thereās a lot of head-hopping. I would put a *** every time you switch POVs (first itās Hans, then Kurt, and finally Philip) just to make it clear to the reader that weāre in someone elseās head now.
I tried to, but it made it seem super choppy.
Idk, I may end up doing that.
You spelled Philipās name Philipp several times.
Philipp is the proper spelling. It’s old Germanic spelling.
Maybe adding in a paragraph of backstory would help us remember easier? Something about how the Schmitz brothers ended up here after the church meetings dismantled.
Mmkay.
They actually left before that happened. (I said that in the last book) so they had no idea what even happened in the Capital.
I donāt really have anything else to say. That was pretty dark. Iām glad the men stood strong, but . . . yikes.
No kidding. It’s so sad and crazy that it actually happened.
Oh no.
Oh yes.
No half-heartedness and no worldly fear must turn us aside from following the light unflinchingly.
No, they havenāt traveled far enough for that to be a thing yet. So far they are all heading in the same direction together. Thatās how I ended the last book. I can add some reminders though.
Ok, sounds good!
They actually left before that happened. (I said that in the last book) so they had no idea what even happened in the Capital.
Oh, my bad. When readers are reading the books without gaps in the middle, it would probably be easier, too. But yeah, just an intro to make it clear that itās the same people would be great.
No kidding. Itās so sad and crazy that it actually happened.
Yeah. š¢
"Don't shine so that others can see you. Shine so that through you, others can see Him." ~ C. S.
Oh, my bad. When readers are reading the books without gaps in the middle, it would probably be easier, too. But yeah, just an intro to make it clear that itās the same people would be great.
Thats what I’m thinking, but yeah, I can throw that it. I plan to release these as a box set all at once, so that should help.
No half-heartedness and no worldly fear must turn us aside from following the light unflinchingly.
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