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So…..here’s part of scene I wrote where UHHH my Charrie went off script 🤦🏻♀️ and now she’s shown a side of herself that totally makes sense but I’m like “welp ok then.”
Kinda just gonna jump into part of the scene 🤣
“Last I checked,” Riven’s eyes narrow between the two, “I sent November to get eggs. Not both of you.”
“I met up with him.”
Riven stares at them a while longer, as if weighing their answers and knowing there was more to them, but he finally drops it. “Well, perhaps it’s for the best.” The man turns, waving a hand at them both. November and Ara look at each other, eyes wide. “After you left, I realized collecting eggs might not be the best idea, all things considered…”
November winces. Ara’s breath hitches, knowing he meant it as a jab. Her friend does struggle a bit with coordination and tends to be accident prone, but she doesn’t blame him. After all, some of the anxiety, she knows, has been brought on by the scrutinizing eyes of the man standing before them.
“Well,” Riven adjusted his collar, “I suppose you’re free for the afternoon, November. Though I do expect you home at a reasonable time.”
“Y-Yes sir.” He was no longer the bright, beaming boy she’d traveled with: his face was ashen, his shoulders slumped. She hates seeing him like this, but can only clench her fists. The desire to come to his defense bubbles up inside but it’s drowned out by a constant whisper in the back of her mind. She’d only make more trouble.
Still, the way November shrank in his father’s presence made something in Ara’s stomach burn. The way Riven always looked down on him. The way his tone dipped in the most subtle, cutting ways, letting November know exactly when he’d done something wrong. Or when he was wrong.
Ara saw it all. And it disgusted her.
Hate was foreign to Ara. She’d never seen it, never come in contact with it, and never wanted to. But deep inside, she knew, she hated November’s father for what he’d done to his son.
And it scared her.
“Ara?” She turned her head, not realizing she’d been staring off into space. November was looking at her, hands in his pockets. His father was gone but she could still hear his footsteps trailing into the kitchen. November’s eyes ticked from her to the floor and then back to her. He flashed a smile but she could see it didn’t reach his eyes. “We, ah, should probably get going. Before he decides to grill us any further.” He chuckled but there was no mirth in the laugh.
Ara tried to offer him a smile but in her opinion, it fell short. She reached out and gripped November’s wrist, gently pulling him to the door. The two left the house and headed for the castel.
#IfMarcelDiesIRiot
#ProtectMarcel
#ProtectSebI’m with Ara on this one; Riven is HORRIBLE!!! I love the way you described him, tho, especially:
The way his tone dipped in the most subtle, cutting ways…
*grinz* Lovely, m’friend. Absolutely lovely!!!
😁😉❤️
@lydia-s THANK U!! Also ur scene is AMAZING!!!
and yes, that part describes Riven really well.
#IfMarcelDiesIRiot
#ProtectMarcel
#ProtectSeb@godlyfantasy12 Aaack, Riven makes me so mad!! I feel so sorry for November now. (They kinda remind me of the characters Cassius and Keefe in the series Keeper of the Lost Cities.) Weird question, but where did you get the name November?? Please don’t tell me that’s more of Riven’s verbal abuse.
Where'd I get ya this time? The liver? The kidney? I'm runnin' outta places to put holes in ya.
@keilah-h Yes!! I recently read all the KOTLC books that are out and I’m Obsessed with Keefe!! And I realized he had so many similarities with November!!
Also, the name November actually came from just googling names lol. I found the name November and loved it!!
BUT, as my series has expanded and connected more with age (as it does in writers minds) I have “discovered” thru my Charrie’s backstory, that November is not his birth name.
His birth name is actually Brenven.
Due to a bit of a complicated story, which I’d have to tell spoilers to get into, his name was changed and his memories sorta locked away. So Yea.
If u notice, Brenven is kinda an anagram to November except a few letters are missing.
#IfMarcelDiesIRiot
#ProtectMarcel
#ProtectSebAww, thank you! <333
OI. That was brilliant.
Eeeeeeeee. That was awesome, but super sad.
*blows trumpets* Dragons! Yay for dragons!
*gaspeth* Where might I sign up for November’s fan group? XP He’s awesome. And now I feel really bad for him.
Mine is rather short, but here ya go:
“Adrian, wait,” she says, raising a hand as I turn.
“What is it?” Even to my own ears, my words are tinged with dangerous impatience.
“You can join us,” she says evenly, a strange glint in her eye. “You and me and Martin—we’d find them in less than a tick. You could get out of here alive, Adrian.” She tosses me something that I barely catch.
A coin. A golden coin to seal all her promises.
“Thanks for the offer,” I say, flinging it back. “But I don’t trust traitors.”
— Trust the Traitor
wonder | beauty | truth | love
Ooo… I love it!!! Adrian is one of my new favorite charrie names. 🙂
This one’s not a complete scene, or a proper one, because it is all dialogue, but I still like it a lot (despite the fact that it is a less than perfect rewrite of the original that I lost due to
shockingtechnology, and is but half the perfection compared to the absolutely satisfactory original).[A little context: Hager is the antagonist of the story, the speaker’s uncle (by law), and wasn’t the most pleasant person to the speaker.]
“Hager once asked me where I get my strength when all others stumble, my hope when all others despair, my persistence when everyone else falters. I did not know then; now, I do. He is not alive to hear my answer, but I still say it.
“I draw strength from every person I have ever met, from every person who has ever loved or hated me, from every person I have ever loved or hated, from everything that hurt me or healed me, from Ayana’s light. My hope is from the FIRST LIGHT, from those I love, from those I desire to see again, from those I would give my life for. My hope persists because there is nothing else to do; despair is empty, and death during just dooms people to the fires of hell.
“I persist because if everyone else has faltered and fallen, who would be left to resist if I too fail? Everyone I have ever loved, hated, met, known; everything I have ever felt, known, thought, believed, and done; everything has become part of me, for better or worse, the evil and the good. I am Morna, Dearly Loved; I am Caero, Sorrow; I am Yanamarie, daughter of a pirate lord; but, I am also a child of Ayana, destined for His kingdom.
“Everything in my life is directed towards Him. Everything I am, I am because of Him. He is my strength; He is my hope; He is my father, my king, my God.
“I am who I am, who He made me, who I let the world shape me to be. My strength is in my life, and my life is His. My hope is in my life, and my life is His.
“Even Hager shaped me with what he did, making me stronger. He cursed me, and he loved me. He and I were more similar than we enjoyed to admit, but he chose his path and I chose mine. I chose hope and love.
“I will pray for him.”
(*cries* I wish I had the original still.
shocking technology)"[Write] today like there's no tomorrow!"
@emilysf Wow!!! That’s great!
Where'd I get ya this time? The liver? The kidney? I'm runnin' outta places to put holes in ya.
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@emilysf That sounds beautiful! 😀
@godlyfantasy12 @koshka @joy-caroline
@anyone-else-that-is-interested.
Okay, so I have started the rough draft for the first book in my Kingdom of Shadows series. (The one with Alwin and the rest) I do need help on the editing, but since it’s rough draft I’d just mostly like to hear all y’all’s thoughts on it.
By the way, untill I wrote it, I’d been thinking “hey, this is probably aimed for middle grade to late teens.” I wrote the first paragraph and sat there astounded. This is not middle grade!! XD
Prologue
Dying Hope
The whip cackled overhead, rising and falling again like bitter lightning. Alwin hid his little face against the sight but the sound of the serf’s screams reached his ears nonetheless. Terror clutched at his mind. He was next.
His uncle prodded his back. “Keep your head up boy. Are you a coward?”
Alwin raised his head but his eyes avoided the scene before him. From where he stood he could see over the low wall between him and the road.
It was a long road, coming from some far away place and going to another unknown destination. Sometimes merchants would go by with their wares, or mighty knights on tall steeds. Knights were said to oppose the Dark Lords, including Alwin’s master. Alwin searched the road for any sign of a traveler.
There was no one.
Suddenly, the man before him gave a final moan and fell senseless to the earth. No time was wasted on kindness. The Watch commanded him to be dragged away and turned for his next victim. Alwin ducked away from his reaching hands but was shoved forward by those behind him. He begged for mercy but whatever sympathy lingered in the hearts of his fellows was stilled by fear. He was brought forward and given into the hand of the Watch.
Numb horror took him then. He silently watched as his hands were bound to the post, his worth cast to the ground. The shackles on his feet rattled as the chain was twisted around a stake: the only sound he understood.
Then movement caught his eye. Someone was on the road. He looked to see a knight and a squire ride down the path getting closer every moment.
He screamed for help. Hope mixed with trepidation. Both travelers saw him.
The squire instantly turned his horse toward him and was plunging off the road. The knight followed.
“Halt and return!” The Head Watch shouted from the wall. His guards had drawn their weapons and joined him.
Hope died in Alwin’s heart as he watched the knight catch his squire’s bridle and drag him away down the road. The same fear that bound back the serfs filled the knight’s face.
A low voice hissed in Alwin’s ear. “You will wish you had never done such a foolish thing.” It was the Watch. “Always remember, Serf, there is no such thing as freedom from the Master. He always wins.”
The whip fell.
So… Any thoughts? Suggestions?
You have listened to fears, child. Come, let me breathe on you... Are you brave again? -Aslan
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@elishavet-pidyon. GIRL, that is awesome! I already get a feel for the setting, and I already feel so awful for Alwin. *cries*
This is a great start! It already intrigues me, and I want to read more! If this was a book already (it will be one day!) I certainly wouldn’t stop here. I would have to read more, lol. That’s how interested I am.
It’s a WONDERFUL start! I can’t wait for more!
(And yes, probably not Middle-Grade, but that is A-OK. All that means is that your audience will change. :D)
Not entirely sure who to tag, but here goes!
@emilysf @godlyfantasy12 @elishavet-pidyonThis is part of a scene I’ve had running through my head. It’s from the serie’s last book, Seas of Fury, which is set about 800 Years later, so the technology is way more advanced than in the first two books.
Fog swirled around him, penetrated by something both sharp and dull.
He tried to push it away, but it only gripped him tighter, searing his bones. Mikkel groaned, forsaking the fight.
Voices echoed in the caverns of his mind, along with an incessant beeping.
“He’s waking up.”
“Keep him still.”
Beep…beep…
“Nearly closed.”
His eyes slid open for a moment, a sea of white glaring back at him. He let them fall closed again.
Beep……beep…
“I need more blood.”
Beep………beep…
Something pinched His arm, but Mikkel didn’t care. The fog was reclaiming him.
“Quinn! I’m losing him.”
The other voices grew louder even as they drifted away. Then darkness swept everything into nothing.
First Grand Historian of Arreth and the Lesser Realms (aka Kitty)
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