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@elfwing Which scene? And your characters are all so cool! So in the first scene I had, with the battle and the character getting stabbed and everything, the character Crosshair was a human turned into a dragonman (using some method I haven’t figured out yet). It’s hard to describe Feather’s relationship to him–she kinda loves him, but is also fine with them being simply friends (natural-born dragonmen can’t intermarry with humans, but humans-turned-dragonmen can). The scene doesn’t come from any of my current stories, it’s just something I thought up, but the characters come from various places.
"When in doubt, eat cheese crackers."-me to my charries who don't even know about cheese crackers
There are so many species of dragonpeople. The dragonmen had their beginning with fanfic characters, who were sometimes aliens, so I made many different types (thank the How to Train your Dragon movies and shows for the inspiration on many of them). Most are egg-layers, but a few are live-birthers (is it weird that I intricately detailed their anatomy and such? I love biology and animals, so….). Believe it or not, those types can interbreed without a problem. Some dragons are wyverns, with wings on their arms, and some are typical dragons with wings coming from their backs. Some even have four wings! And all have human-looking torsos (just with wings) but some have serpentine lower bodies with shorter legs instead of human lower bodies with a tail.
"When in doubt, eat cheese crackers."-me to my charries who don't even know about cheese crackers
what scenes? I’m confused too now, if you meant which of yours, i liked both scenes!!
no it’s not weird to detail all the species! It’s good to know your characters inside and out so to speak 🙂 they all sound like you put a lot of thought into them!
And as for MCs all being boys I admit it’s my natural tendency to do that too so no I don’t think it’s weird, but I feel like I can’t do guys justice since I’m a girl and they think differently to girls. So I usually do girl MCs but I’ve done guys as well…
I'm 'a homeschooler' because cookie-making writing artistic animal-whisperer isn't a job title
Yes, I was talking about which of my scenes. And yes, I detail my dragons a LOT. I want to draw an anatomy chart for them–like bone structure and stuff…….
"When in doubt, eat cheese crackers."-me to my charries who don't even know about cheese crackers
Awesome topic!!! Here’s a pretty decent one from my fantasy WIP. It needs punctuational edits though…
The clearing was silent. Not even a ryip’s chirp broke the stillness. The long grass was smashed and flattened, the brush along the edge of the trees looked like it had been trampled, and in many places, the sod had been ripped up in thin strips to reveal the dark soil underneath. There wasn’t a spark of fire in sight.
“What happened here?” Creare murmured, turning to look around the clearing. “It looks like a tornado came through.”
“I don’t understand. Where’s the—” Duxus broke off suddenly. She felt his fingers wrap around her wrist, holding her so tightly it was almost painful. “Don’t…move…a muscle,” he breathed.
Under normal circumstances, she would’ve jerked her arm from his grip, and reminded him that he was not her father so she wouldn’t take orders from him. Now however, something about his voice made her stop. She silently obeyed, wondering what had scared him so badly. She was standing beside him, but couldn’t see what he saw as she was facing the other way.
Duxus took a step back towards the forest, gently pulling her with him. His brown-green eyes were narrowed as he concentrated on getting them out of the clearing as silently and swiftly as possible. He stiffened as a cloud of smoke drifted past them and into the sky. A sigh burst from his lips. “It’s too late,” he murmured, releasing her arm. She’d forgotten he was holding it. “You might as well turn around.”
She hesitated, but decided she’d rather face whatever it was from the front rather than from behind. Slowly, Creare turned and instantly went as white as Duxus had, biting her lip to keep back a shriek.
A long, scaly creature lay stretched along the opposite end of the clearing, basking in the sunlight. Its tail had ridges down the middle, and its wings were spread out in the sun. Its long claws were dug into the sod, ripping up the grass when it moved. Every time it exhaled, a stream of smoke drifted from its nostrils and into the air. One word formed in Creare’s mind.
Dragon.
It was laying on its side, and with the regular heaving of its glossy, brown sides, it appeared to be asleep. Or it had been asleep. One eye was slit open, and the deep brown orb beneath was watching them cautiously. Neither Duxus nor Creare nor the creature moved.@lydia-s oooo gooesbumps!! Dragon!! that word…it just ‘instills terror in the hearts of men’ (to quote Smaug XD)
I'm 'a homeschooler' because cookie-making writing artistic animal-whisperer isn't a job title
@keilah-h ah ok! I figured. Yeah, it’s so fun to make up peoples and species… imagination is the limit for the most part. And that would be cool to do!
this may or may not interest you…. but the Serpent People in my story are (very loosely) inspired by the description of giants given by the Native American tribes. it’s a scary thing to look up, but very interesting. They often had double rows of teeth and all were very tall… and the double row of teeth thing made sense in my mind to give a giant person who can turn into a dragon… hehe
I'm 'a homeschooler' because cookie-making writing artistic animal-whisperer isn't a job title
I think that your scene is super heartbreaking. It makes me feel the same way I feel about historical retellings of the Holocaust. Or if it’s not I’m guessing you’re writing about war.
My favorite quote in your entire scene is
“It’s okay to cry.” The old woman’s voice was soft. “I just thought that bad people didn’t cry.”
Keep up the great work! Also would you mind telling me what your story is about?
Your scene is really interesting. And I could feel the tension between them as Kaunon tried to make Alinna leave without him. And you could also clearly see the love between them. And I love how in this scene girl saves boy. I hope you put out more:)
@precious-y thank you so much!! I’ll post the rest of that one tomorrow if you’d like to read it! 🙂
I'm 'a homeschooler' because cookie-making writing artistic animal-whisperer isn't a job title
your welcome. ooh thanks, I definitely want to know what happened to Alinna!
@precious-y Thank you! My story is about a villain who has a conscience, so it’s been quite interesting to write.
Lately, it's been on my brain
Would you mind letting me know
If hours don't turn into daysthanks! And here’s more!
Kaunon stared in horror as Alinna was flung down into the water. He was now surrounded by dragons; Death Rams, but these were average size, even if they were as nasty as their alpha.
Kaunon tried to get to Alinna, but every time he reached the dragon taunting her it would snarl and throw her to another.
They were playing with her. They knew they could win and they were enjoying themselves before they ate.
Kaunon gave a panicked yell of rage and charged at one of the Death Rams, it snapped at him, but it could not see him; only a muddy thing coming towards it. He drew his sword.
The Death Ram saw that.
It screeched and snapped its teeth, but Kaunon expected this and the blade went through the animal’s mouth and throat into its neck. He gave the sword a sharp jerk to the right and then lunged forward. The dragon gave a screech and yanked back, the sword withdrawing dripping with blood. The dragon gave hideous gurling wail and whipped its head back and forth in it’s pain, splattering everything with dark blood. The other Death Rams all stopped, and the one holding Alinna who was now limp, dropped her, charging with shriek at the dying dragon. Kaunon dodged the flying claws and tail, running to where Alinna was now floating in the slimy water.
Alinna was face down and not moving. Kaunon fought back panic and rage, and pulled her out of the water, dragging her to a tree, and sitting her against it to the opposite side of where the dragons were. He tore off the camouflage armor and then hid behind a tree, waiting to see what would happen.
The dragons, unlike what Kaunon had hoped, did not attack and eat their wounded comrade; they were furious and screeched in anger at the death of their pack member.
If Kaunon had had more sense, he would have remembered that Death Rams have a highly structured pack and avenge any deaths in their group. They were now searching for the killer of their little sibling and would not stop until they’d at least torn him to pieces.
Kaunon groaned, “Idiot, Kaunon, idiot!”
The largest Death Ram charged at him with a shriek, and he slashed at its chest with his sword, dodging the snapping teeth.
It cried in pain as the blade cut off one of its arms, and then Kaunon finished it off with a stab through the heart, it sprayed him with black blood and he tried to wipe it off, but it smeared him even worse.
The other Death Rams were in a state of absolute fury now, and went charging about the marsh looking for Kaunon, shrieking and sounding like death impersonated. Their dinner was forgotten; they wanted this attacker out of their territory —or dead.
Kaunon was in a pretty pickle now; he had at least forty Death Rams charging about like giant gladiators, slashing at everything and running through the once again increasing fog, searching for him to eat him. He dodged claws and snapping teeth. He was playing chicken a lot of the time; standing still long enough for two Death Rams to charge at him, then dodging out of the way right when they were about to catch him. They smashed into each other, knocking at least one of the two senseless. He killed at least ten, before he started to tire once again.
He dodged another dragon and ran to another spot in the swamp. He couldn’t keep going; he was wounded, hungry, tired and half blind with grief that Alinna might be dead. He stumbled towards her, and then stopped as he heard arrows whistling from the direction of the forest, and the rest of the Death Rams were soon dead or retreating.
He heard shouting and turned to see, but one last Death Ram was alive; it charged at him, and just before it would have crushed him in its teeth, Kaunon turned with a scream of anger and slashed it through the throat. It gurgled one last cry and fell dead. The marsh’s water was now a hideous, stinking concoction of blood and festering water. Kaunon stumbled towards where he had left Alinna, and collapsed beside her. He yanked off the mask, and laid there, gasping, his lungs burning and his body shaking.
He tossed his sword aside, and lay there, staring at the foggy sky above, vision watery. Suddenly he saw Aurd’s face.
He went to reach for his sword, but Aurd held up his hands, and didn’t attack him, “No. I-I’m not here to kill you.” he said gruffly, his eyes burning as though he desperately wanted to do it despite his words. He looked annoyed with himself and reluctant. He suddenly turned, “would you lot shut up back there!” he shouted, “Leave her alone!” he began yelling in a harsh, evil sounding language with some cursing thrown in that made Kaunon cringe.
The din died down a little, but Kaunon realized he could hear goblins; they were clamouring, cackling, fighting and shouting. He winced at the throb in his shoulder, and tried to sit up.
Aurd held out a hand, hesitantly, Kaunon took it, sitting up slowly with a stifled yelp of pain at his wounds in his back tearing a little again. “What are you doing, Aurd?”
Aurd glared at him, “I’m not helping your cause because I want to.”
“What?” Kaunon’s brain was too foggy to understand what was going on, “What are you doing then?!”
Aurd growled in annoyance, “I don’t want everything destroyed, that is the only reason I didn’t just run you through or leave the Death Rams to their game. You should be grateful; I just killed forty good animals. I was planning to use that pack down south. Now Errihk is going to lop my head off.” he almost groaned as he said this.
Kaunon winced, and tried to move his arm, “Well… thank you.” he offered his hand.
Aurd hesitated, “Why?”
“You saved my life. We may be enemies but I suppose I ought to thank you for your deed.”
Aurd slowly held out his hand, and Kaunon shook it, shuddering involuntarily as he did so. It felt so wrong to do that, but it was also right, and he at least had been civil. Alinna would have wanted it.
Aurd yanked him to his feet, and then cleaned off his sword before sheathing it and stalking away.
Kaunon blinked rapidly, trying to clear his head, what was Aurd doing? He clearly didn’t care about Alinna, and he had saved them. Kaunon decided he didn’t care why Aurd had helped them, he was just glad he had, even if he still just about hated him.
But… Aurd was acting oddly.
Why?
Kaunon wasn’t going to figure it out. He stumbled over to his sword, wiping it off on the sad tough grass by the tree, before limping over to Alinna.
She was still unconscious.
Kaunon saw signs of many dirty, trampling feet about her and realized Aurd must have brought a troop of goblins, killed the Death Rams, and left again.
Now he was more confused than ever.
He grimaced and looked over at Alinna; she was on her stomach, not sitting up like he’d left her. Her head was slightly tilted down, and she was more or less dried off. He sat her up, and put his hands to her cheeks, “Linn.” he said quietly, eyes welling up again, “Linn.”
She didn’t respond; her head flopped forward, and she didn’t move.
Kaunon didn’t check to see if she was breathing, he broke down beside her, weeping, head on his knees.
He sat like this for hours, the roaring and crashing going on in the distance, and he didn’t care. He finally stopped his dry sobs and stared at nothing with hollow eyes, zoning out every noise.
The light slowly faded into night, and the fog swirled sadly about everything, chilling him to the bone. The darkness was only interrupted by flashes of red or blue light, and slowly, the dim, miserable semblance of daytime returned. The light was sad and depressing, and Kaunon was so exhausted he couldn’t do anything but sit there, like a hunched over stone. He felt like he was dying; everything hurt and throbbed.
Inside was an aching, horrible feeling he couldn’t dismiss. The flashes and flame seemed less as the darkness fell for a second time, and it passed slowly, almost silent, except for the creaking of some annoying creature that sounded like a frog, but even that stopped. He stared into nothing and even if he wanted to make the creature stop, he literally did not have the strength to get up and do it.
It felt like a month was passing. Nothing changed, except that the noise was gone, and all was more or less silent.
Alinna didn’t stir.
Kaunon wouldn’t have cared if the frog came back and croaked; at least it was a break from the silence.
By the way his grief may seem extreme but he’s of a group of people who die when the one they love dies; Alinna is close to dead so he’s feeling it too. If that makes sense
Kaunon suddenly felt someone shaking him, talking to him, calling his name. He slowly looked up at them slightly, and realized it was dark again.
The face was one he used to know. He tried to speak, but he felt weary to his marrow and couldn’t even move his mouth to say anything. He strained to look at Alinna, and that was all he could do.
********
“Kaunon!”
Viktur shook him, “Kaunon!”
Kaunon looked up at him briefly with bloodshot eyes, before his gaze slowly moved to Alinna.
“Wake up, man!”
Kaunon seemed to move his cracked lips, but nothing more than a sigh came out. He was too exhausted.
Viktur groaned, “Why did he not do what I told him— Kaunon!” he shook him again.
Kaunon just went limp and flopped onto his back, sprawled on the damp ground like a dead thing.
Viktur sighed and then went over to Alinna. She was lying on her stomach, mouth slightly open and Viktur’s panic rose, “Alinna.” he said quietly, sitting her up. Her head flopped forward, and Viktur’s eyes stung, “No.” he whispered, “Not again. Come on, Linn.” he laid her on the ground near Kaunon and then tried to dry her off; the fog had soaked her to the bone again.
He himself felt weak and shaky from all the water he’d been in for the last three days. He dried Alinna off with a little blue flame and then took off the armor Kaunon was still wearing, and realized Kaunon was splattered with blood. He wasn’t sure if it was his own or something else, because it was so dark about them.
Alinna didn’t wake, but she seemed to glow faintly as he touched her neck to check her pulse again. He grabbed her hand, and squeezed it, and light shot up her arm, jerking her body slightly.
Viktur held up her hand and then placed his other hand on hers, and closed his eyes, his irises glowing through the lids. Alinna suddenly seemed to wake up and she looked at Viktur with glowing eyes like blue fire.
Viktur sighed with relief, “Alinna.”
She blinked at him, blankness in her expression as she stood up.
Viktur let go of her hand, and stepped back.
“Kaunon.” she whispered, and looked down.
“He’s alive.”
Alinna knelt down, and touched Kaunon’s face with her finger, tracing his jawbone to his temple, and then stopping, her glowing hand lighting up his face with a dull blue light.
I know the ending is abrupt and there is more but it would make absolutely no sense without reading the books. Hope it was satisfyingly dramatic and suspenseful and no, when he wakes she does not kiss him XD
I'm 'a homeschooler' because cookie-making writing artistic animal-whisperer isn't a job title
@elfwing Wow! Makes me want to read your story.
@everyone else Your scenes are all so great!! Your stories sound so interesting.
"When in doubt, eat cheese crackers."-me to my charries who don't even know about cheese crackers
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