Critiques needed, Needs Name

[Andrew McLaurin]

I was supposed to write a story for a writing class and I had to use the words: apple, train, elephant, paper, and banjo. So I wrote a poem story. Here it is:

There once was a girl named Jojo
Who quite hated the banjo
But she danced about and didn’t shout it out
That it was her birthday

Now came to her was Elephant
Who doesn’t make a rampant
But is quiet and soft, though tallest of them all
Never was a jerk

Elephant brought her a gift
And so played her a riff
T’was a song by Train, which she liked the most
Made her very day

Elephant thought of a trick
He took an apple that he pick
And threw it up then catches it in mouth
Jojo laughs the more

Now I’ve run out of paper
I’m sure I’ll see you later
To tell you some stories about the wonderful things
That you read before you sleep

 

If you want to give some feedback, I will more than gladly take it.

I go by many names, Andrew, Andy, Mandrew, but you may call me... BATMAN!!!

[Andrew McLaurin]

@rae can you tag people, I hate tagging.

I go by many names, Andrew, Andy, Mandrew, but you may call me... BATMAN!!!

[RAE]

@Andrew

can you tag people, I hate tagging.

Sure!

@jonas @highscribeofaetherium @ellette-giselle @theducktator @linus-smallprint @loopylin @whalekeeper @the_lost-journal POEM!!!!!! ↑↑↑

 

"You need French Toast."

[Author]

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