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@jenwriter17 @seekjustice Here is the link to the first part of my novel.
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1RIM0N7DUuAxLSZ5lS9G7kzuGKsJQ4chuIo6YYWyTEBw/edit?usp=sharing
Things that I’m especially concerned about are character consistency, head-hopping (a major problem for me), if the story flows, and if you’d want to keep turning the page. Feel free to comment on anything else you’d like to! 😀
"For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."
@skredder Yay! I can’t wait to read it! I’ll let you know when I’ve finished 🙂
I'm a Kapeefer 'TIL WE'RE OLD AND GREY!
www.jennaterese.comWhen y’all are ready for part 2 let me know, and I can have it up rather quickly. 🙂
"For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."
Hi! I popped in and read this too, just ’cause I was curious. Hope that’s okay.
Overall, it’s really good so far! I’m just a bit confused as to whose POV you’re using to tell the story? At times, it seems as if it’s being narrated by someone altogether different from the characters in the scene, which is kind of disorienting.
Other than that, though, it’s great. 😉
Writer. Dreamer. Sometimes blogger. MBTI mess. Lover of Jesus and books.
@that_writer_girl_99 By all means, read away! 🙂
Sorry about the POV issue. I can’t seem to stay in one head. I will fix that when I edit the story. It’s supposed to be Casse’s POV.
"For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."
@skredder I’m ready for it any time you’re ready to give it 😉
I'm a Kapeefer 'TIL WE'RE OLD AND GREY!
www.jennaterese.com@jenwriter17 Alright-y then! Here’s part 2. It’s a bit longer than part 1. 🙂
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1xt0Mg5mn3HJW2aIZvbheF66fFbkISe567zs-KRVw7N0/edit?usp=sharing
"For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."
@skredder I read it! I still love this family 🙂 …..
There were only a few little things I commented on. I saw you said that it was supposed to be in Casse’s POV, which I didn’t know; I thought you were doing omniscient POV. I would suggest more following Casse’s action and her thoughts to make it her POV.
I’m looking forward to the next part! 😀
I'm a Kapeefer 'TIL WE'RE OLD AND GREY!
www.jennaterese.com@jenwriter17 Through the majority of the story, it will be told from Casse’s POV. There are a few times where I will go into another character’s POV. Like I did with Evelyn in this one. The majority, like 96% of the story is going to be from Casse’s POV.
Head-hopping is a big problem I know I have and one of the things that I really need to fix in this story. I will warn you that in the 3rd part there will be some more head-hopping. I am aware of a few different parts where this occurs; I just haven’t gotten around to fixing them yet. If you could point out sections where you notice the POV change, I would be very grateful! 🙂
I’m really glad that you like the family. I really like them, too. A lot of Casse’s behaviors are based on my six-year-old sister. Completely different personalities, but a lot of it still fits. 🙂
I’ve got a few questions so far if ya don’t mind:
- Would you keep reading after the first page?
- What do you think of the opening line?
- Are the characters consistent so far?
- Are their behaviors, decisions, and characteristics realistic?
The last two questions are really important to me throughout the story. Thanks for reading! 😀
"For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."
Sorry 😀 I’ve read the first part but I’ve had a crazy weekend and haven’t had time to comment yet, which hopefully I’ll be able to do today 😀
INFP Queen of the Kingdom commander of an army of origami cranes and a sabre from Babylon.
@skredder Okay, will do! 🙂
My answers to your questions:
1) I really enjoy the family, so I would keep reading.
2) I think the first line was good because it establishes very soon the close relationship of the family and the lifestyle.
3) So far, I think the characters are consistent 🙂
4) Yup! 😀
I'm a Kapeefer 'TIL WE'RE OLD AND GREY!
www.jennaterese.com@jenwriter17 I’m really excited for when you get to parts 4 and 5. I’m going to put up 3 tomorrow and I’ll put up 4 and 5 on Wednesday because I may be gone later this week. Also, 4 and 5 should be read as close together as possible. But, yeah, I can’t wait until you get there! 😀
"For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."
@skredder ooh, now you’re getting me excited! 😀
I'm a Kapeefer 'TIL WE'RE OLD AND GREY!
www.jennaterese.com@jenwriter17 @seekjustice Here’s part 3. 🙂
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1vhngZCcRJ3KqsR5pyyydZAe4dvSNaWav70v5JnrTqwo/edit?usp=sharing
If you thought the other two parts were adorable, then the ending to this one will knock your socks off. 🙂
"For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."
@skredder Haha, okay then 🙂 I’m looking forward to reading it.
I'm a Kapeefer 'TIL WE'RE OLD AND GREY!
www.jennaterese.com
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