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Hey there! So, my Chromebook isn’t fully cooperating with me, so I’ll just post my critique here so you can copy and paste it into a folder of your choosing! (Hope this works okay instead?)
So first off! I love your imagination. You have an interesting premise for your story. I like how you use clear description, and Bumblebun sounds just adorable! When he flattens his ears, I instantly got a sense of his character. Keep using action to describe or characterize your cast of characters.
The top two suggestions I would make would be:
1.) Create a variety of sentences. Mix long and short ones together. There are a lot of run on sentences, which makes it harder for the reader to follow along. (It’s a simple fix, though.)
2.) Clarify the storybook characters limitations. I’m not sure I understand why the characters (especially Bumblebun) can only ‘guide’ the girls but not help them. What will happen if Bumblebun does help them? What are his (and the other characters’) limitations that prevent them from saving themselves? (or actually helping the girls.)
Alright! I hope that was helpful. Good luck with your story! (are you thinking of publishing it one day?) 🙂
Dream. Write. Inspire.
https://thepencilsisters.com
Thank you for the feedback, and also I have got one book published so far, and the novel I put up here, is going to get published probably by next year
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