- This topic has 19 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 1 year, 12 months ago by
.
-
Posts
-
Snowy Christmas Greetings to everybody! I have a little something for you to read….I wrote this short story several years ago. It is in my “Journey to the Past” series that I started. (FYI, stories in this series start out in the present and then the characters get taken back in time to some event in History. If they ever return to the present is to be determined in every story. *wink*) Hope you enjoy. I barely did any editing and I want you to let me know how you like it, what you don’t like about it, and how I can improve. Thanks a lot!!!!
///////////////////////////////////////////////
A Journey to the Past story
December 2018
This snowy winter weather calls for a story that caters to the surroundings. I have chosen to introduce you to Belsnickle. He isn’t one person. Rather he is many. Over the years, Belsnickle has taken many forms and has performed in many ways. Back in the 1800’s you’d find him in little towns in Pennsylvania’s countryside going from house to house on Christmas Eves. Today he is Jolly Old Saint Nicolas who rides to good kids’ houses on Christmas Eve on his sleigh, pulled by Rudolph the Reindeer, slides down the chimney (without getting stuck), and gives wonderful presents. (Or so says some). Come along for a good wintry story!!!
=====================================================================
“It’s a nice night to go ice-skating,” Joel announced as he and I strode homeward from school.
“Really! Did you check the pond?” I said ecstatically.
“Sure did, during English class.” He smirked.
“You’re bad, Joel.”
“Aww…..”
———————————————————————————————————————–
Joel and I set off in the twilight after supper. The air was so cold and just about froze my lungs when I took deep breaths from my mouth. It was a fantastic night to be out.
“Cold?” Joel asked.
“Not really,” I said. “My lungs are burning.”
“Well, don’t be dumb! Breath through your nose since it has a built in heater. The air bounces off your blood vessels in your nose and the air warms up before it even reaches your lungs. The nasal cavity helps with this process because it has passages that look like a conch shell. These passage ways, I think they’re called conchae, help to slow the air’s entrance and makes it bounce off your warm tissue. Also, the germs, bacteria, and dust sticks to mucus and get trapped. That way your lungs stay clean. There’s delicate cells in there, you know.”
I looked up at my big brother with pride. He knew so much about science and once he had even told me that his secret dream was to be a doctor someday. I was really excited for him. Boys at school called him a science fanatic, but I was proud of him. He flopped in English class but was number one in science. I thought his science project at the fair was the coolest one.
“You’re really knowledgeable. It will go a long way, Joel.” I said finally.
“Thanks, Jessica,” he said, pushing his glasses up. That was the other thing…his glasses. People called him an assortment of names because of that hated optical. “I’m really glad to hear your encouragement. Look, here’s the secret pond, only, it’s not secret anymore. Look who found it!! No!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” With one leap he was on top of a kid. “Whatareyadoin here???”
The kid looked so astonished I though he was going to yell.
“Joel, look! You’re hurting him! Stop!” Mustering all my strength, I grabbed a hold of my brother.
He let the kid get up, who looked at us in surprise. “Am I a dog or something? I was just doing the same thing you were gonna. I don’t mean any harm.”
Joel and I had never seen this boy before. It was then that we both realized we weren’t in our home town anymore. It was still December. It was still cold. It was still snowing. Yet, we found ourselves in a little town of Pennsylvania in 1837.
———————————————————————————————————————–
“You know, Joel, it really is a nice night to be out here,” our new friend was saying. “I was afraid I’d have to spend this time out here alone. All my sisters wouldn’t hear of coming out. It’s too cold for them. Looks like Jessica’s havin’ a grand time.” He grinned, watching me.
I ignored the attention, continuing to spin around the pond. I could do figure eights, jumps, or anything else Joel could do.
“Yes, Jessica’s been skatin’ for a long time, years. She’s twelve now. I’m fifteen. How old are you?” I heard Joel ask.
“Turned fourteen last month,” James replied.
We skated long into the evening, never noticing how dark it was until a lamp reflected brightly on the ice and someone called to us from the bank.
“James! Are you out there? Pa sent me with the lantern to get you home. You’ve been out there waaaayyy too long. Who else is there?” It was a girl’s voice.
“Some new friends.”
“James, can we come to your house?” I asked.
“Oh, there’s a girl out there too!” came the surprised voice. “What’s a girl doing out at this time of night skating?”
“She’s having a great time of it. I told you should have come too, Lydia,” James countered. I heard a laugh in response as we made our way towards the light.
We followed James and Lydia to a nice looking house complete with a porch and glass windows. A worried looking woman, wearing a very fancy dress, stood at one of the large windows, studying the darkness. Two other girls sat in the same room, each with books and golden curling hair. Of course they too had beautiful dresses on. I looked at mine in disdain. It was a country dress and definitely not accustomed to lady-like activities. As soon as the woman set eyes on us, she ran to the door and flung it open wide.
“Well, do hurry and get it! All the heat will escape.” We did as we were told and soon the door shut us in. Joel and I hung back but James motioned for us to take seats by the fire.
“You’ll get warm there,” he said to me. He must have noticed my bright red cheeks and nose. A snack was laid out and we all joined in. The Pa of the house seemed pleased to have us as his guests.
“There’s plenty of room for all,” he said more then once.
“Tomorrow is Christmas Eve,” one of the sisters, Belle, announced as she sank her delicate self into a chair. “I’m a feared that Belsnickle with come and I won’t be ready.”
“We shall be ready,” the Mrs. of the house proclaimed. “We shall clean the house top to bottom and shall make ready with some sort of gift.”
“He’ll slap you if you’ve been bad,” James said, mischief in his eyes. “But if you’re good, he’ll give you all sorts of goodies.”
Joel raised his eyebrows and I hid my eyes as I remembered when I didn’t help mother with breakfast or slept in late on purpose. Would this dreaded Belsnickle slap me? I wouldn’t let him.
“What…what does this Belsnickle look like?” I questioned timidly.
Lydia replied, “They always have beards and black clothes and sometimes they look scary. But the one that comes to our house, he’s nice. He never slaps anybody, only gives them verses from the Bible.”
“Yes,” Belle attributed, “he’s the elder of the local church. Pa and Ma like him to come and sometimes we’ll have an evening meal together.”
Putting uneasy thought of this Belsnickle aside, I got up and looked around the house. A beautiful black stove stood shining in the corner of the kitchen. A large hutch of china dishes rose and gave the room a homey look. Lydia was at my side. “Pa bought that for Ma when they were married.” She gave me a tour of the upstairs. There were five rooms. Lydia and Belle slept in one and the charming, graceful Susanna slept in another. James had a room all to himself and so did the parents. “Shhh…” Lydia warned as we tiptoed into the last room. Three little children lay fast asleep. Lydia pointed and named each one in whispers. “Davey, Docia, and Louisa.” Docia had the curliest hair I had ever seen on a girl. Davey was a neat looking kid. Louisa slept serenely. Not one guessed that they had had visitors that night and we retreated to Lydia’s room. “Ma said I must go to bed soon, so shall we? I’ll let you use my extra nightgown and we’ll comb out our hair.”
I giggled. “Of course!”
We took turns getting dressed by candle light. Then I combed Lydia’s hair and she combed my hair. Unlike the rest of the girls in her family, whose heads boasted curling, golden hair, Lydia had straight brown hair like her father.
“Why don’t you go skating with James? He’d like it so much,” I said. “We could go again tomorrow evening after we get the house clean. We’d have so much fun.”
“Alright, I guess I’ll try. Maybe you can help me,” Lydia said, without much enthusiasm.
We said our prayers and snuggled side by side in the bed. Suddenly, Lydia let out a groan. “I forgot to blow out the candle. After getting tucked in bed, nothing can get me out again.”
I was out of bed in a second and blew on the candle. It flickered in protest, but then went out and darkness enveloped the room. Cautiously, I felt for the bed. When I found it, Lydia drew back the covers, I snuggled up once more, and we elapsed into a peaceful sleep.
———————————————————————————————————————–
All too soon morning light was streaming in through the curtained windows. I opened just one eye and saw that Belle was at the mirror putting up her hair and fiddling with her dress. Lydia was still sound asleep, so I decided that I could catch another wink too. At that exact moment, the door burst open and Docia came in, landing in a bounce right on top of me! I sprang up, throwing her onto Lydia. A shriek came from Docia and Lydia bolted upright.
“Docia! What do you think you are doing?” Belle rushed over and tore her off the bed. “You spoiled our guest’s sleeping!”
Docia’s precious blue eyes filled with tears and she buried her face into Belle’s silken skirt.
“Oh, now, it’s okay, Docia,” I comforted, getting out of bed and lifting up the little girl. “Today is the last day before Christmas and Belsnickle’s coming, remember?” Even at the sight of me, the stranger, Docia wiped her tears and smiled.
“I like Belsnickle. Sorry for waking you.”
“ It’s fine.” I patted Docia’s little head and she scampered out the door.
Lydia and I quickly dressed. With a frown, Belle looked me up and down. “Ladies shouldn’t wear things like that. Lydia, see if you have a dress that fits Jessica so she can look pretty tonight.” Belle left the room, a queenly air about her.
After a deliciously hot breakfast of cinnamon rolls, bacon, eggs, and fresh coffee, the women vigorously scrubbed and straightened the house. I had a chance to be alone with Joel for a few minutes.
“How’d you sleep? Were you warm? I was incredibly cold,” I said.
“Oh, I slept well, but, yeah, it sure was cold. I’m going out to help split fire wood with James. I bet you wish you could come along.” He winked.
I gave him a pleading look. Of course there were always chores, like dishes and laundry, do to at home, but I would much rather be out in the fresh air. “There’s lots of work to do in here. I’ll be plenty busy,” I replied.
“Tonight we’re going back to the pond for skating,” Joel grinned.
I was going to share with him a secret plan I had concocted, but then James called and the two dashed outdoors.
We shook the rugs, swept and scrubbed the floors, washed and shined the dishes, silverware, and cups, scoured the table and kitchen counters, and dusted the walls. Mrs. and Susanna busied themselves in the kitchen while Belle, Lydia, and I wiped down the dusty china plates. Docia and Louisa raced about the house with Davey, excited and out of control. Once, Davey ran into Susanna and Docia and Louisa, who were chasing him, barely got stopped in time. This was too much for their mother. Her sharp voice rang out. “Lydia and Jessica, take those rowdy youngsters out in the snow please. They need to run around and get their uncontrollable energy out. Remember Belsnickle and what he does to bad little ones, Davey.”
I fairly whooped with joy as I helped Docia into her boots, shawl, mittens, and hood. Soon we were all out under the winter sun, making snow angels and throwing snowballs. There was no wind but it was still cold. Davey and I worked on making snow man. We rolled three large balls and stacked them on top of each other. Then we used coal and stones for the eyes and nose. Davey donated his hat for the snowman’s head and I donated my scarf. After we had found sticks for the arms and a half-frozen carrot for the nose, our snowman was complete. James and Joel rounded the corner of the barn just then and surveyed our work.
“Well, I’d say that’s a fine crafted snowman, wouldn’t you agree, Joel?” James said admiringly.
“Jessica was always good at the arts. I’m not much good at that stuff,” Joel admitted. “I love creating things in science class thought.”
“Art’s not for everybody,” Lydia commented. “I hate art in school. But I love math.”
“Ugggg, math,” I said and everybody laughed.
“I want to be a doctor someday,” Joel announced.
“I want to go to university and study law,” James wished aloud.
“I don’t want to do any more school than I need to,” I proclaimed rebelliously. “I’d be happy to work outdoors all day long in the sunshine on a farm.”
“I’d love to be a nurse,” Lydia breathed.
With cold noses, cherry red faces, and stiff toes, we dashed inside for some hot cocoa and cookies. The afternoon was spent in quietness…reading, knitting, sewing, and more baking. It was too boring. Now, it was time to carry out my secret plan. I snuck upstairs to the bedroom I had slept in. Lydia didn’t even miss me, I thought as I slipped out the window and onto the porch roof. Closing the window, I slid down the porch pillar and with my ice skates in hand, dashed to the pond. I was soon swirling in the snow that had begun to fall. Up, down, and around the pond I went. First forwards, then backwards. Then I tried to do the jumps that I had seen the Olympic ice skaters do. It was so fun. Two hours past but didn’t feel the cold. All I felt was the ice under my feet as I skated along.
“What are you doing here? Looks like you’re enjoying yourself!” A strange voice startled me. I looked and on the bank was Belsnickle himself!! Black clothes, beard, and pockets stuffed with lots of goodies, the man looked happy and seemed amused at my surprise.
“I’m doing the same thing you are, sir, enjoying this good day,” I said and continued skating.
The man turned and I watched as he walked up to the porch that I had used to aid my escape. Then I noticed how dark it had become. James and Joel came bounding out of the door way, racing down to the pond.
“Belsnickle’s here! Hurry, we can skate later. Where have you been this whole time…oh!!” Joel said all in a rush.
“I went up to Lydia’s room, climbed out the window, slid down the porch pillar, and have been ice skating all afternoon,” I said, waiting for a response.
Joel rolled his eyes, but James laughed aloud. “Alright, Miss Adventurer. After supper and as soon as Belsnickle’s gone, we’ll come out here.”
I put on my shoes and trudged to the house. There wouldn’t be any time to change into one of those fancy dresses now. When we were safely inside the cozy house, Belsnickle had already been busy. Davey, Docia, and Louisa were exclaiming over their treasures….oranges and little yellow cakes with frosting. The older ones sat at the table over tea and more delicious food as Belsnickle read over passages of scripture. No slaps were administered and before he left, Belsnickle placed a red heart candy in my hand, a purple one into Lydia’s hand, a blue one in James’ hand, and a green one in Joel’s hand.
“Honor your parents and you will live a long and happy life!” he said as he vanished into the snow and began his journey to another house.
A little begrudged that I had escaped and left her, Lydia just about didn’t come with us. With some skillful persuasion, however, we managed to persuaded her. There was a sliver of light still available as the four of us slipped into our skates and raced around the pond. Lydia took it slow at first. James held her steady and we each took turns taking her around until she felt confident. Before we said goodnight, the four of us hooked arms and slid down the pond together.
“It’s been good to get to know you both,” James said and Lydia gave me squeeze.
“Same here,” Joel said smiling broadly.
“I never had a better Christmas Eve,” I said.
“Me neither,” the others echoed.
———————————————————————————————————————–
And that was all. Joel and I were on our way to school the next day.
“Ready for skating tonight?” was all Joel said, but I could unmistakably detect mischief in his dancing eyes.
I thought my heart would burst with laughter.
//////////////////////////////////////////////////
Let me know if you guys want to see pictures of the four main characters. 🙂
Elen síla lúmenn' omentielvo
@freedomwriter76 @godlyfantasy12 @starofthenorth @keilah-h @esther-c @lightoverdarkness6 @felicity @whalekeeper @theloonyone @loopylin @wilder-w @mineralizedwritings @koshka @elishavet-pidyon @ava-blue @folith-feolin @power @sarafini @madelyn
Enjoy the story if you care to read it….and please critique it as honestly as possible!! 😃😉
Elen síla lúmenn' omentielvo
Elen síla lúmenn' omentielvo
I enjoyed it!! It was cute and simple!!
But for some critiques, here’s what I thought:
So, I noticed that the kids are going to school. But it’s Christmastime. So that would be weird if they were going to school that close to Christmas Day.
Secondly, I felt as if the dialogue was unnatural. So to help with the flow of dialogue, I suggest reading it aloud. It helps me figure out when something doesn’t sound quite right and how to fix it.
Last of all, the transitions didn’t flow quite right. I’d give advice on this, but this is something I struggle with too. 😅 So, I’d just say that it takes practice. 🙂
That was my two cents. 🙂 (Three cents??? 🤔😅) I hope it was helpful. I’m not the greatest at critiques. 😂
Over all, I really did enjoy the story!! I’d definitely be interested in reading more of your writing in the near future!! Thanks for sharing! 😄
(And yes! I would want to see pics of the characters!)
Write what should not be forgotten. — Isabel Allende
So, I noticed that the kids are going to school. But it’s Christmastime. So that would be weird if they were going to school that close to Christmas Day.
Wow. I don’t know how I missed that….thanks for pointing it out. *thumbs up*
I suggest reading it aloud
I’ll try that. I do a lot of dialogue in my writing as you will see and so maybe this is something I need to work on a lot more.
Thanks for the critique. You are officially the first person outside of family to critique my work. Congrats. I will be posting pics here shortly. 🙂
Elen síla lúmenn' omentielvo
Here is a picture of Jessica.
Elen síla lúmenn' omentielvo
Oh! I really liked that. I wouldn’t change a thing! It seems like the kind of story you read when you need a pick me up. Low stakes, but still lots of fun, and the time travel thing makes it extra interesting! I felt like you did a really good job moving between the dialogue and the narrated sections.
Thanks for the great read!
"And so I left this world just as I had entered it. Confused."
Oh, and I like the pic you chose for Joel XD
"And so I left this world just as I had entered it. Confused."
Glad you enjoyed it! 😃😃 I like Joel’s pic too. 😍 What did you mean by low stakes? Is that a term?
Elen síla lúmenn' omentielvo
Yeah! If the stakes are low, that means there’s not much at stake.
High stakes would be if somebody was at risk of dyeing or permanent damage.
Doesn’t seem like anyone going to die here XD
"And so I left this world just as I had entered it. Confused."
Fun story! I agree with @mineralizedwritings :
It seems like the kind of story you read when you need a pick me up. Low stakes, but still lots of fun, and the time travel thing makes it extra interesting!
Oof, the dialogue thing like @esther-c mentioned can be hard . . . I struggle with making it natural as well. (That’s what happens when you read a lot of old books, I guess! Maybe not a bad thing!) One friend I asked to read my story said my long sentences were hard to read and I should “read it out loud to see all the run-on sentences.” I was like, “They’re not run-on sentences! I’ve just been reading Tolkien, that’s why!) But she was right, they were long.
Keep up the good work! I want to read more. I also like your characters’ pictures. Looks like James was having a bad day LOL 🤣
Be brave. Be strong. Be bold.
-Christopher BlakewellOh! I really liked that. I wouldn’t change a thing! It seems like the kind of story you read when you need a pick me up. Low stakes, but still lots of fun, and the time travel thing makes it extra interesting!
I think that was what I was kind of thinking in my head, I just couldn’t put words to it. 😅
Write what should not be forgotten. — Isabel Allende
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.