By Jackyln Crooks
Jacklyn Crooks is back with part two of her series on writing characters of the opposite gender. Check out these helpful tips on how to make your characters believable!
Tips for Writing Convincing Guys
So you have this great story idea, right? It’s great, and you actually like it. There’s only one problem…the main character is a guy. Actually, that’s not the problem. The problem is that you’re a girl, and you don’t understand guys, so you’ve never successfully written one. Well, here are some tips that you may find helpful. First of all, when you're thinking through an idea, that moment when you start to go, "No, that's crazy, it'll never work!" Yeah, that's the moment when a guy decides it's a good idea. No kidding. As girls, usually if it's risky, we back off until we can come up with a better plan. When you're writing a guy, remember that he's going to take risks. But they're going to make sense to him. In his mind, they're not cray, or stupid, or wacked out. He's going to justify the risks somehow. Be it for his girl, for his family, or for some personal benefit down the road. Whatever the reason, it's gotta make sense. At the same time, it's okay for your reader to sit there, shaking their head, wondering what's gotten into him.
Second, guys and girls deal with conflict differently. There really is no right answer for this, but it is important to be aware of the difference, and to account for it in your work. It's been my experience that men prefer to deal with conflict on their own. They don't want to talk it out, or discuss the emotions attached. They would rather move on, and process on their own. Then, they'll come back later, and it'll be all better. As women, we like to talk. We want to talk about how something made us feel, and how to do it differently next time - usually three or four options. Mark Gungor put on a women's conference I once attended, and he compared it to boxes and string. Men organize their minds in boxes. One does not touch another, and nothing shares a box. Women, however, don't organize their minds. It's more like a wad of string, or spaghetti noodles - everything touches, and everything is connected to something else. Keep this in mind when writing either male or female - and especially when writing an interaction between the two.
Third, I want to briefly address woman, as seen by men. I’m not even going to attempt to get in a guy’s head for this, but I want to make sure you’re thinking about this. Guys notice attractive women. If your male character can make it through an entire novel without noticing a cute girl, that’s a pretty good indication that he’s not a well-rounded guy. Or it could just mean that there weren’t any girls…but besides that. I’m not suggesting that your guy needs to be consumed with women’s appearances. I’m merely proposing that once in a while, when a woman is talking to him, or passes by, that he notices her. “Tears filled her blue eyes as she whispered goodbye to her father, soft bangs falling across her face.” It doesn’t have to be a big thing, but he should notice that she’s pretty. Or ugly, if that be case.
Next, also briefly, keep an eye on how your female characters relate to your male characters. Guys need to be needed – that’s how God made them; and why He created women to be their help meets. Which means your female characters, no matter how self-sufficient they may indeed be, should at some point or another, need your guy to come save them.
Lastly, you should determine your guy's personality, as it pertains to the clothes he wears. I have friends that change outfits in the morning more than I do, before going somewhere, and I have other friends that would wear the same t-shirt and jeans for two weeks if their family would let them. As girls, most of us anyway, want to make sure we aren't wearing the same shirt as we were the last time we saw a certain group of people, or the same event. Guys, as a general rule, don't care. At all. But like I said, identify his personality. Maybe he cares a lot. Or, perhaps this shows in other areas - maybe he couldn't care less about the jeans, and but he never carries the same knife twice, or wears a belt more than four times. Whatever it is, find out and incorporate it into your story.
Tips for Writing Convincing Girls
Most guys would like to say that the tips for writing girls would be exactly the opposite of those I laid out for writing guys. And in large part, they would be right. But there is a lot more to each of us than just those four points, so here are a few things that may be helpful to any guys trying to write a female character.
All girls are insecure about something, but it’s rarely the things that guys think it is. I’ve had guys guess that I was insecure about being single, or, while I was on cancer treatment, being bald, when really, I was worried that people would notice the weight I had gained back. Get to know your characters. Know their individual fears and insecurities; hopes and dreams. You may think you know girls, but let me tell you a secret – girls don’t even know girls. You’ll never figure us out completely. So get to know the one you’re writing, and let her tell you her story.
Like I told the girls – your character is going to notice guys. That’s the way girls are. It shouldn’t be all she thinks about (if it is, you should have a talk with her!), and for your reader’s sake, keep it clean. But she’s going to notice when a cute guy walks by. And yes, if he stops and talks to her, her stomach is going to be instantly full of butterflies, and tying up in knots. Each girl deals with this differently. Some giggle uncontrollably; some of us ignore the feelings until they finally give up and go away. And most are somewhere in-between. Just make sure you account for whatever your character does.
Lastly for the guys: Prince Charming. I’m just going to say it. Every girl has a secret dream of her own version of Prince Charming coming in and saving the day. And by the time she’s about ten or twelve, the world has convinced her that not only does Prince Charming not exist, but if he did, he wouldn’t be coming for the likes of her. Again, how she deals with this will vary, depending on your girl, but I can almost guarantee she’s feeling something along these lines. Sparkle Mart stories (Amish romance/Twilight/etc) have cheapened this tragedy by bringing Mr. Perfect in just when the heroine is giving up all hope. That’s not what I’m suggesting. Sometimes Mr. Right is the farthest thing from perfect. And sometimes he doesn’t come for years after we’ve given up hope. And sometimes he’s been under our nose all along. I don’t care which you pick, or if you don’t have a romance in your story at all – sometimes the best way to deal with this is pushing her closer to the Lord.
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Where to go from here
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God. This was the issue that finally turned me against Sparkle Mart stories. Somehow today’s Christian authors have cheapened individual’s relationships with Christ. I have one friend that lost her father seven years ago, and in the past few years she’s found a way to let Jesus in to be that father-figure in her life. But besides her, I’ve never seen a relationship even a little bit alike to what I’ve read in popular novels. So if you’re going to write your character’s relationship with the Lord, please, please, keep it original. I want to feel why God is important to them, not see it on the paper. That’s the only way I’m going to keep paying any attention to it. If it feels faked, or put on me by the author, nine times out of ten, I’ll close the book and never go back. Think about how God affects your everyday life, and see if you can incorporate that into your story in some way.
Everything I’ve said so far can really be summed up into three words: Know. Your. Character. Ultimately, that’s the only way to ever write a convincing character. If you don’t know them, how will your reader? Spend some time with them – if you need help, get a friend to come up with a list of questions for them. When you know your characters, you won’t have to describe them to your reader, your reader will be able to see them through your eyes.
Become an Unstoppable Writer!
I have a question: my main character is a guy, and I’m a girl, and since I kinda based him off of myself, (in the fact that I’m afraid of practically everything) how can I show him handling his fears? He can’t talk it out with his fictional buddies, because that would read too “emotional” for a guy, but I’m not sure how to “show, not tell” the things he’s afraid of and why, and how to describe the way he resolves it at the end.
What exactly is he afraid of? If he’s afraid of…say…drowning, you can show him making excuses for why he doesn’t want to go to the pool with the rest of his friends. He won’t say he’s afraid of drowning, just that he is busy, or has something else to do, etc.
Also, you can use his thoughts to communicate his fear. Have him thinking to himself.
Does that answer your question?
Alastair is afraid of heights, the dark, and skeletons; to list a few, (fear of drowning is in there too, believe it or not, and the excuses thing is a really good idea…especially when his friends want to travel through a swampland. I couldn’t figure out how to have him say no!)
Thinking to himself? I like that! Actually, I never thought of that either….
Yes, it answers my question! (I’ll probably come up with another one later :)) Thank you thank you thank you!! :DDD
Wow, thanks for the great advice… this will definitely help me to write my prospective novel with a male MC!!
Ironically, I’m finishing up my first draft of a novel with a guy character this week. It’s easier than I thought, as I tend to be analytical and self-contained, and I’ve given him much of my personality. I do, however, need to strengthen the girl-attraction thing. Thanks for the post!
Thank you so much for writing this! In my opening scene, my main character’s brother snaps and tries to kill the other two brothers. The youngest brother’s reaction wasn’t right, and this will so help me rethink it! 🙂
Wow! The information on a guys perspective was really helpful, thank you!
Another thought… my dad always says that one of the biggest mistakes girls make with guys is that they try to “read between the lines.” Very often, guys mean exactly what they say with nothing implied. Girls, on the other hand, rarely say exactly what they mean. Guys are very simple and straightforward in their thoughts and reasoning. Girls are hopelessly complicated. =) Tangled yarn is right!
It’s what my father called “thinking behind the corner” in mom. 😀
Glad this was able to help you all!
Natalie, you’re very right! Good points!
If anyone needs any specific help, feel free to email me: jacki4jesus@gmail.com
Thank you very much for pointing out the inherent flaws of my male characters… I think I may have insulted them. :3
This was good – comprehensive, quite to the point. I tend to write a lot of male characters; there were still things I was not quite aware of.
And the last part about the personal relationship to the Lord – the showing instead of telling, so to say – is a very, very good point.
What does a guy look like when he “snaps” and goes a little crazy after something traumatizing?
Emyli:
This will depend on the guy, as well as who he is snapping at. However, some common threads you’ll see would include irrational statements (you always, you never, etc), statements that he can’t possibly know (what the other person is thinking, what they want, etc) and violent outbursts (throwing things, breaking things, and then getting mad that it’s broken.)
If you’d like any more specific input, feel free to email me at jacki4jesus@gmail.com.
LOL — writing for male characters is always fun. A lot of times what helps me to write them well is to make a comparison to real people. A lot of times it’s to my dad and I find myself asking, “now, would my dad say something like this?”
Thanks for posting this, Crooks!
Wonderful post, Jacki! I feel like I’ve always sort of known these things about men (and women), but it was great to have it put into words in such a clear and well-thought-out way. 🙂
I tend to be overly-analytical and very organized (I get this from my dad) so I sometimes relate to the organized part of a man’s mind, but usually, I am just obsessing over something, and allowing my emotions to let me worry over something that doesn’t need to be worried about. As my grandpa (who was a painter) would say, I’ve usually painted a wall ten times in my head by the time I actually do it. 🙂 And, aside from my personality, as a writer, I can sometimes over-romanticize things (I even find myself narrating my life as I go along. True story.). So no, I don’t necessarily have my mind organized in boxes, it’s more like I’ve carefully studied and analyzed every detail of that horribly tangled string. 🙂
Again, great post Jacki! God bless!
~Abby
Oh, and a further observation about the Prince Charming/Mr Right thing, in case guys don’t get it: it’s not one universal idea. Every girl and woman has her own idea. I want someone who’ll keep their head on their shoulders and will know how to deal with some outside situation quicker/better than I do, because I’m introverted and tend to get momentarily distracted and confused. Someone to pull me back from the street crossing when a car is coming, so to say. One of my sisters, who’s more extroverted and spontaneous that way, would want someone to explain things to her. (And yes, after a while that whole come-save-me-and-sweep-me-off-my-feet may boil down to such hugely down-to-earth things.)
So you may want to keep that kind of thing in your mind, too – very often, “opposites attract” is true, personality-wise (not necessarily in looks). So if you have an outgoing heroine, or one very much oriented towards the outside world (not just people, it could be e.g. travelling to places), you may want to make your hero more think-y, and vice versa.
And for female writers, I’ve also noticed that the thing about boys/men saying exactly what they mean tends to apply to writing letters/emails: very often, it will be very short and to the point (even when they’re making jokes: then we girls may be looking at it, puzzling over what they meant even more, because we’re missing the point… but even then it will usually be short and to the point, which is precisely why we can’t figure it out, because it’s missing the context!). The only exception to this are writerly types writing about their favourite subject. 😀 An opposite extreme was a story I heard about a young man in my church who would reply to e-mails in so extremely short a form that it was impossible to tell what he meant (like single words), and when called out on it, replied only “K”…
Umm… As a guy, I think I might be able to assist you in your analysis of us as a gender. We think. Really, truly, we do. And we write between the lines more than most girls know. We just do it differently, so. Because of this, you all don’t generally have any more of a clue what we’re thinking than we have about you. Often, we feel just as insecure about this, that, or the other as you do. We just don’t TELL people about it, unless we know the person really well or feel that we can trust them.
We need more of you letting us know. There seems to be a huge majority of female comments in discussions like this.
Like Jacki talks about in the article, and as Garrett expounded, guys generally don’t talk about their insecurities as much as girls. But they certainly exist.
And you’re right that guys generally are shorter and more to the point. When it comes to writing emails though, I generally have the other problem, and I write too much when shorter would be better. Haha!
– Reagan