Excerpt from novel. Please critique!

Prologue
Halle’s heart raced. They’re coming. They’re coming for me. Her ginger hair flew out behind her. She leapt over the fence and screamed as her hair got caught in some barbed wire. Drawing her knife, the hair was left behind. A tree loomed up ahead. Before she could move out of the way, she fell into shadow…
Her pursuers climbed over the fence, but stopped when they noticed that the girl had disappeared. A shadowy figure strode up to them. He snatched a chunk of hair from the fence. His deep, melodious voice resounded throughout the encampment. “She’s not dead… yet.”
Halle found herself in castle ruins. The girl covered her ginger hair with her cloak and turned to see a stone staircase. She climbed up to see where she was. Small orange lights were beginning to turn on in the east. The corners of Halle’s mouth turned upwards. She wasn’t far from the Academy. Leaping off the parapet, she then began her long trek back to the Academy. After about three hours trudging down the muddy road she caught a glimpse of the triangular sandstone structure in the distance. “Nearly there,” she muttered to herself as she climbed over a ridge…

Chapter 1
Just another perfectly normal day. Walking to school. Listening to the incessant droning of teachers. Walking home. Flopping onto her bed… “Maya!”
Maya shook herself out of a particularly pleasant daydream. “Yes, Aunty?”
She’d been living with her cousins since she was three. Whenever Maya tried to ask about her parents, her Aunt, Eloise would shut her down by saying, “They had an accident.”
“But what accident? Surely I’m old enough to know now. I’m nearly fifteen!”
She was snapped out of these thoughts by the most mundane question…
“Have you done the dishes yet?”
“Just a minute!” she called, scribbling down a character development idea in the book she was writing. Sure, she’d attempted to write several books, leaving them unfinished… but this was different. Yes, she’d said that several times also. However Maya was determined to finish it this time. It was probably the best idea she’d had since deciding to ‘teach herself to fly’ in year three.
“MAYA!!!”
“Coming!”
Grabbing an apple from the chipped blue fruit bowl and biting into it, Maya pulled open the dishwasher and performed her daily ritual of ‘the Washing of the Dishes’…
Maya chuckled softly. If written well, even the most ordinary things could become a good story. Once she’d squeezed everything possible into the metal compartment, she kicked it shut. Maya sighed. She’d still have to hand-wash about twelve plates. Why did her family have to use so many plates? “Honestly Scott,” she muttered. “Do you really need five separate bowls for your fruit and biscuits?”
“I heard that Maya!”
“Heard what? The wind?” Maya laughed as her cousin tackled her to the ground.
“I’m stronger than you!” Scott teased in a sing-song voice. “You’re so weak for someone who’s two years older than me.”
“Oh shut up. At least I have a brain,” Maya quipped, beginning to tickle the boy.
“Stop! Stop!” he squealed.
“What’s the magic word?”
“Please?”
“No,” she laughed.
“I don’t know! Sorry?”
“No.”
“Uh… Immobulus?”
“Correctamundo!” Maya lifted her hands and Scott caught his breath. “I’m glad to hear that you’ve been reading and actually retaining the information for once… Hold on. That word’s only used in the films…”
“It was worth a try,” said Scott, flashing a mischievous grin.
Maya half-smiled, ruffled Scott’s messy black hair, and retreated back to her room before Scott got any more ideas. She flopped onto her bed once again, creating a blanket cocoon around herself and hoping against hope that she wouldn’t be disturbed again. Alas! No such things were possible in her house. “Mail! Mail!”
Maya immediately recognised the voice of Sawyer, the mail-boy and one of her school friends. “I’ll get it!” yelled Scott.
“No I will!”
Sounded like David was finished his homework. Being in grade two, he didn’t have much anyway.
“But I’m older than you,” said Scott, reaching the door before his younger brother.
“That’s not fair,” whined David, beginning to cry.
“Scooooott. You better not be upsetting your brother,” came Aunt Eloise’s voice from somewhere in the house.
“Fine,” the older boy relented. “I didn’t want to get the mail anyway…”
Soon a head full of feathery blonde hair popped into Maya’s doorway.
“Go away. I’m thinking,” she groaned.
“It’s a letter!” said David, waving the white envelope like a flag.
“Yes. I can see that.”
“But it’s for you!” he insisted. Then, in a teasing, sing-song voice he added, “Don’t ya wanna open it?”
“Okay. Pass it over.”
“You didn’t say please,” he grinned.
“Okay. Please.”
The boy gently and ceremoniously placed the envelope in Maya’s hands.