First chapter of my book . . .

Okay, I said I’d post something from my last book, A Dream Come True, so here is the pitch and the first chapter!

First, the pitch:

Elinor and her twin brother Aedan were supposed to be like children to the Dickinsons. Instead, the Dickinsons treat them more like slaves. When Aedan learns that the Dickinsons are planning to sell them as servants to the royal family of Tiniria, Aedan and Elinor escape–only to be captured by the Royal Guard and forced to work as servants in the castle.

But while working for the royal family, Elinor begins to learn more about herself and a past that she never knew. She and Aedan try to meet while avoiding the watchful Prince Durwin. But when Elinor’s hopes are dashed, she and Aedan escape again. This time they flee into more danger than Elinor has ever known–a danger that can only be overcome by love.

Chapter One

“We need to talk tonight,” Aedan whispered, leaning over the table towards me. “It’s urgent.”

I nodded and looked down at my history book just as our governess and guardian, Mrs. Dickinson, entered the room. She was tall and thin, with a sharp nose and sharper eyes. Her graying brown hair was twisted into a severe, tight knot on the back of her head.

“No talking, Aedan and Elinor. Write ‘I will not talk while studying’ a hundred times before telling me you’re done with your work.”

She sat down and picked up a book, muttering. “I hate having to teach children who do nothing but talk . . . If only that idiotic man hadn’t promised your father we’d give you an education . . . .”

I stared at my copybook, not daring to look at Aedan. I trusted my twin brother, of course—he was the only person I did trust—but I wondered what he had to tell me that was so important.

“Elinor.”

I shuddered uncontrollably.

“Why aren’t you doing what I told you to?”

“I’m sorry, ma’am,” I whispered.

I dipped my pen in the inkwell, glancing furtively at Aedan. He was bent over his copybook, his dark brown hair falling over his forehead.

A few hours later, I had finished the seemingly endless copying and made a list of the kings of Tiniria. I hoped for a chance to speak to Aedan, but Mrs. Dickinson gave me chore after chore, and Aedan went outside with Mr. Dickinson to get meat for dinner. Aedan was a decent hunter with the bow and arrow, and he knew the basics of sword fighting. My secret theory was that the Dickinsons wanted Aedan to be able to defend them against the many thieves and bandits that lived in the woods around us, but they didn’t want him to get good enough to kill Mr. Dickinson if he wanted to.

I was pulling up carrots in the garden when I heard Mrs. Dickinson calling.

“Elinor! Where are you, you lazy child?”

I stood up, my apron full of vegetables, as Mrs. Dickinson came around the corner of the house.

“There you are! And I’ve been looking for you this whole time. What are you doing? You’re supposed to be making supper. Why do you never do what you’re told? Don’t forget, child, that Mr. Dickinson and I only took you in out of the goodness of our hearts. You ought to be grateful.”

I didn’t even try to explain that I was gathering carrots and potatoes to make supper. I knew from experience and several bruises that it was useless to do anything but go along with what Mrs. Dickinson told me to.

Then I had to cook supper—with Mrs. Dickinson’s eyes on me the entire time. My hands shook so badly that I nearly cut my fingers with the knife as I chopped the rabbit meat that Mr. Dickinson had brought back.

“Really, Elinor!” Mrs. Dickinson scolded. “You are the clumsiest girl I have ever seen!”

She glared at me as if she wanted to hit me. I shrank against the wall. At that moment Mr. Dickinson entered, stoop-shouldered because of the low ceiling.

“What’s for dinner?”

“Stew and bread, if that thumb-fingered girl can make it without injuring herself.” Mrs. Dickinson lowered her voice a little. “Only one more day.”

My heart stopped beating. What did that mean? Were they planning to get rid of us in some way?

My hands kept cutting carrots, but my mind was running. What were they planning to do? Take us to the woods in the night and murder us? I realized that I hadn’t seen Aedan since he left to go hunting. Where is he?

I slipped out of the kitchen—Mrs. Dickinson wasn’t looking—and hurried along the dark hallway. As I turned a corner, I ran into Aedan.

“You’re alive!” I cried, throwing my arms around my brother. “I thought Mr. Dickinson had murdered you—”

“What are you talking about?” Aedan asked, pulling my arms off him. “Whatever it is, tell me later. Finish making supper and we’ll talk afterwards.”

I crept back into the kitchen unnoticed—Mr. and Mrs. Dickinson were arguing about affording to take care of us now—and soon had the stew over the fire to boil.

Supper, as usual, was long and miserable. The Dickinsons argued, and Aedan and I ate what little we had appetite for. Afterwards, I did the dishes by myself, trying to ignore the yelling coming from the dining room.

Not for the first time, I wondered what it would be like to have loving parents. As our mother had died when Aedan and I were born, our father had left us with the Dickinsons. He had died when I was four. I had just one faint memory of a tall dark-haired man swinging me over his head, laughing. Corwin. My father. Dead.

I put on my nightgown in my small, dark bedroom, climbed under the covers, and waited to hear Aedan’s tap on my bedroom door. Finally it came. The hallway was dark, but I could feel the urgency in Aedan’s voice.

“I don’t think we’ll be safe here much longer,” he whispered. “The Dickinsons don’t want us.”

“Mrs. Dickinson said something about only one more day.”

“I know. I don’t know what they’re planning to do, but they’re not going to waste time about it.”

“What can we do?”

“Nothing, when we don’t know what they plan to do. But be on your guard.”

I heard footsteps on the stairs. Aedan and I darted to our bedrooms. As I stared at the dark ceiling, I felt an inexplicable longing in my heart. What is it like to have a father who loves you?

†††

“We must run away!” Aedan whispered fiercely, shaking my shoulder.

I sat up in bed, blinking in the light of the candle he held. It illuminated his high cheekbones and square jaw, but his deep-set eyes were in shadow.

“We were right. I heard—”

“Tell me later,” I whispered. “What should I bring?”

“Clothes, a blanket, anything you think would be necessary. I’m going to get food.”

“Get candles and a map, too.”

Aedan slipped out of the room, leaving the candle. I put on a dress, rolled two others in my blanket, and pushed the roll into the pack I had hidden under my bed. Quickly I braided my long brown hair, but my fingers were stiff with cold and nervousness. Finally leaving the Dickinsons, after nearly fifteen years of misery, was thrilling and terrifying at the same time. All my nerves felt like they were on fire.

I met Aedan in the kitchen. “Ready?” he whispered. “I have my dagger, too. We’ll leave through the storm cellar.”

We put on our cloaks, crept down the ladder into the basement, and made our way to the door into the storm cellar. Aedan unlocked the trapdoor.

Outside, the night was cool for late August. I held the trapdoor for Aedan as he climbed out, then lowered it softly.

A dark forest rose behind the small house that we had called home for as long as we could remember. Aedan and I entered the shadows under the trees, found the dirt trail that led through the wood, and began our journey. We had played here as children and knew every rock and tree, even in the dark.

“Tell me what you heard,” I said, running a few steps to catch up with my brother. He was a head taller than me, and his long legs covered more ground than mine.

“We were right. The Dickinsons plan to send us to Castle Anisa to be servants. We were to leave tomorrow morning.”

“Aedan! You weren’t eavesdropping!”

“Of course not. I can’t help it if people talk outside my bedroom door.”

Neither of us said anything for a while. Then I broke the silence. “Did they say why?”

“We’re getting too old, and we ought to fend for ourselves. We are almost fifteen. They’ve never liked caring for us. You’ve heard how Mrs. Dickinson complains about teaching us. And the castle pays for servants.”

Aedan was silent for a moment. “Then Dicky said something odd.”

So . . . thoughts? Do I explain setting, appearance, etc. enough for the first chapter? Do you start to understand personalities? Would you be interested in reading more?

I’m going to tag a bunch of people, but you don’t have to reply and you can definitely reply if I didn’t tag you!

@madelyn @starofthenorth @kathleenramm @freedomwriter76 @mineralizedwritings @ava-blue @elishavet-pidyon @koshka @power @whalekeeper @godlyfantasy12 @theloonyone @loopylin @lightoverdarkness6 @felicity @joy-caroline @wilder-w @folith-feolin @keilah-h

• This topic was modified 1 year, 12 months ago by Arien.