I’ve started my draft, would you guys keep reading this story?

Hello! So okay, I’ve finally started at the beginning of my book instead of jumping around to whatever I feel like reading. I have a bit over 4,000 words. Don’t feel obligated to read nearly the whole thing, just give whatever feedback you want! Anything helps. I might switch the scenes around a bit. The beginning of my book is pretty sad, but I’m trying to set it up for a satisfying ending. I have quite a few flashbacks that may be confusing, I’m writing this for fun but also as a outline for a graphic novel, much of the confusion will be taken out in its final form. Just curious to know what yall think! It gets better for the MC’s, don’t worry! I might move the emotional scene with Lesli and Tauren to later in the series and simply have her telling him what happened.

ok! Here it is! 😁

Exposition draft

 

Opening scene:

Lesli hands Tauren a light bulb. He cranes his neck upwards, leaning to reach the threads of the light input. They smile as the light flickers on.

“What’s next on the list?” Tauren asks, turning to face her.

“Hmm…” Lesli scans a piece of grimy paper held in her hands. She leans forward, pushing her blond bangs out of her eyes.

“That’s it.” She says, looking up excitedly, her brown eyes beaming.

“No kidding?” Tauren examines the sheet too.

The two of them stay close to the rocky wall of the mines, trying to stay out of any adult’s way. Small light sources illuminate the walls with a yellow glow from the ceiling.

“Change light on mine 137… did that. Push the coal down to the shopping district… we did that too. And we replaced this light, mine 156.” Tauren looks back at Lesli.

“Well, what do you say we go home?” Lesli says.

Tauren glances at his watch, swiping the dirt away to get a better look at the time.

“It’s only 4, I’m surprised we got done so early.” Tauren says.

“Yeah.” Lesli pauses, noticing how empty the mine is.

“Race you to the mine exit!” Lesli says loudly, getting into position to run.

“Hey! You got a head start!” Tauren yells, running up beside her.

They run to the exit, Tauren taking a wide lead.

Panting, the two of them walk out of the mine together and into the tool room. Tauren drops his pickaxe into the rest of them with a clank, and Lesli sets down the tool bag.

“Do you actually enjoy racing me anymore? You always win now.” Lesli says, looking up at Tauren, standing nearly a foot taller than her.

“Yeah! That’s what’s so fun about it!” Tauren says with a smirk, still breathing hard.

“…”

“Oh you.” Lesli says with fake frustration and a light laughter.

Lesli picks up her lunch bag and brushes the dirt from her overalls.

“I’m off to home now.”

“Ok, give me a sec I’ll walk back with you.”

Lesli opens the door, waiting in the exit for Tauren.

“Ok, ready.” Tauren says, swinging his leather satchel over his shoulder.

The two of them walk down the hall in silence.

“Tomorrow’s going to be different, won’t it?” Lesli says.

“Oh Les, you just had to bring that up again.” Tauren says tiredly. “You know I’m nervous.”

“Don’t worry about it. It’s only 4 more hours of work.” Lesli says, stopping at her door, unit #256.

“Yeah, but it’s kind of scary working with adults, don’t you think?”

Lesli pushes her key into the round metal doorknob. “I dunno, your’re 16, that’s generally considered adult.”

Tauren sighs. “It just makes me nervous. Are you sure you want to do this? You don’t have to.”

“I don’t have to, your right. But there’s just nothing appealing to me about helping out some busy mom in the nursery. That’s what most girls do when they age out of school.” Lesli says.

“Hmm. Yeah. Just not your thing huh.” Tauren says, walking a couple doors down.

“Yeah. I guess I’m kinda the auditee around here. ‘That girl in the mines.’  Anyways, see you tomorrow.” Lesli says.

“Yup! Bye!” Tauren steps inside his unit.

“Oh, and don’t be nervous! It’s going to be fine! We’ll do it together ok?” Lesli says, leaning out of her doorway.

“Right. Thanks.” Tauren says, closing the door.

Tauren enters the dim apartment. Its yellow walls contrast with the grey concrete floor and ceiling. He sets his satchel down on a small bench connected to the dining room table.  Tauren’s soft brown curly hair contrasts with the grim of the mines smeared across his arms and face.

“You sure are back early!” Tauren’s mom, “insert name” calls from the dining room, a mere 6 feet away from the entrance.

“Yeah! We didn’t have a lot of work to do.” He says.

“That’s nice. You’re moving up to work with adults tomorrow I hear” She asks, walking out of the kitchen to sit across from him at the table.

“Oh… yeah.” Tauren says quietly.

I’d like to have a break from hearing about this…

“I’ve got some soup here for when you’re ready.”

“Oh, thanks, I’ll come back to eat it soon.” Tauren says, walking off to his room.

“Don’t let it get too cold!”

“I won’t, thanks!”

Tauren ducks slightly through the narrow doorway, shutting the door firmly behind himself. He walks over to sit in his desk chair, ignoring how it squeaks under his weight. Tauren pulls small notebook from a desk drawer, struggles to shut it again, and winces as the drawer scraps against its supporting rails. Flipping past many used pages, Tauren settles down with a fountain pen to write about the day. He stares at the blank page.

Running his hand across its length, he smiles, remembering how intimidating it once was.

“So, I just write?” Tauren says, looking at Lesli in confusion. “About what?”

“Anything! That’s what journaling is.” Lesli picks up her fountain pen and puts the date.

“I’m going to write about my family. If something made you sad today, just write about it.” Lesli says, kneeling on the floor next to Tauren and leaning over her writing on the floor. Tauren picks at the edge of the foot-wide hole in the carpet.

“…Or happy. I guess you could write about that too.” She adds.

Tauren says nothing but continues pulling at the carpet.

“Well?” Lesli says. “What made you sad or happy today?”

He leans over his brand-new journal, gifted to him by Lesli, and admires the blank pages.

“Hmm.” Tauren puts on his thinking expression.

“Well, it makes me sad that you’ve graduated school and I haven’t. Just because you’re 14 and I’m 12” Tauren says.

 “Yeah! Write about that.” Lesli laughs. “You jealous you aren’t older huh?”

“No not really. I just don’t know what to do with my break time anymore now that you aren’t there.” Tauren says, turning his face down to the floor, his curls dramatically flopping forwards.

“Oh. Why don’t you write during break?” Lesli asks.

Tauren looks up at her with big eyes. “Oh! I really could.”

The two of them settle into what is left of the carpet of Lesli’s room and write together.

 

***

Tauren gathers his things for work.

I don’t feel like I’m forgetting anything…

He glances at his watch.

Nearly 7.

I should be on my way now.

Rushing out the door and locking it behind himself, Tauren takes a deep breath.

Don’t worry about it. Lesli is going to be doing the exact same thing. It’s only four extra hours.

He starts walking towards the mine entrance, it suddenly looking more imposing than it ever did before.

I don’t think it’s the extra work that scares me, it’s the expectation of working like an adult.

Tauren sets his satchel down in the break room and pushes on his hard hat. Looking up, he scans the room for Lesli.

She’ll be here soon. It’s almost 7 though, I should go find the others.

Tauren glances around the entrance.

“Hey you!” A gruff voice calls from the mine across. Tauren jolts.

“Your movin’ up right?”

“O-oh… yeah.” Tauren stutters. An older gentleman, about 5’7” stands in front of him.

“Well alright. You’ll be working with me and a couple others down here on 59.” The man says.

“I’m Greyson.”

“Nice to meet you, I’m Tauren.”

“I know.” Greyson says gruffly.

“Well, get yourself a pick, door to your left.” Greyson says, gesturing to Tauren’s left.

Tauren opens the door and picks up a pickaxe.

Calm down. Calm down. Your waaaaay to nervous.

Tauren bounces it slightly in his hand, getting a better grip on the handle.

Well, that’s a good bit heavier than the ones I usually use. Oh, Lesli? I almost forgot. Where is she?

“Ok, down you go. Just mine like you usually do. Break is at 12 and again at 4.”

“Ok, thanks.” Tauren says quietly.

“What’s that?” Greyson puts a hand behind his ear and squints.

“Oh, I said thanks!” Tauren says loudly, heading down the mine.

“Don’t forget to turn on your light!” Greyson calls in a loud voice.

Tauren flips on the light on his hard hat and makes his way to the end of the mine. A couple of adults line the halls. Tauren scans them for familiar faces.

“Hey Tauren.” A voice calls from the side.

“Hey.” Tauren responds.

I guess Layson works the same mine I do now.

Tauren settles into his usual routine, cracking his pickaxe down on the wall, watching the rocks fall, and trying to guess how many more swings until the pile is enough to fill half a minecart. Tauren feels the stiffness of the wall reverberate up his forearm with each blow.

Yeah, this is definitely a heavier pick than what I’m used to. It works better though.

I wonder what happened to Lesli…

She’s never late for work.

Perhaps she changed her mind?

I honestly could not see Lesli playing around with little kids in the nursery. I mean it’s an important job, but I just don’t think she’s cut out for it.

Tauren brings his pick down to his side to rest for a second. He rotates his wrists back, trying to ease the stiffness from the new weight.

Bringing it back up he cracks it down on the wall.

“Hey you!” Greyson’s voice calls from the other side.

Tauren looks up to see Greyson walking over to Layson.

“Get back workin’ ok?” Greyson says.

Tauren looks back at his work, to intent on keeping up pace to care about Layson’s ordeal.

I mean this isn’t much different then usual. It kinda feels dirtier though? I dunno, maybe that’s just me. Like the people here just stink a bit more than the kids group did?

Tauren walks down to the opening of the mine to grab a bucket to fill with useless rocks. Quickly peeking around for Lesli, he picks up a metal bucket.

Nope.

I doubt she changed her mind. What could be holding her up? It’s to late to come anyways, she’d have to take a missed day.

Tauren looks at his watch while walking back to his spot.

11:53. By the time I’m done with this it’ll be break.

Tauren brings himself low to the ground, putting the rocks into the bucket one by one. He examines a few hopeful looking pieces.

Yeah, nothing good on there.

Tauren drops the remaining rocks into the bucket and walks over to a minecart. He pours them out, shaking the bucket roughly to make sure they all go in. Cringing slightly at the racket the make, Tauren throws in a remaining few rocks that are sitting on the floor.

***

Tauren sits down on the cold floor of the break room, in the exact same place as always. He pushes his back against the cold wall.

This just doesn’t feel right.

Spotting an empty table on the far side of the room, Tauren moves.

I don’t want to sit in that spot. Not without Les.

Tauren eats quickly and in silence. A small group of older miners sit at the table beside him, also eating in silence.

I wonder if the other districts are like this to.

Awfully lively around here huh?

Tauren smiles at his own sarcasm.

It’s always been darkly lit in here, but it just feels worse for some reason. I never realized how dead this place feels. I guess having a friend here was distraction enough. I’m sure she’ll be back tomorrow.

Tauren gets out his journal and opens to the next blank page. The world around him drains out of view as he thinks about the best and worse parts of his week to right about.

“Tauren’s got his diary out again.” A voice calls from another table. A boy about Tauren’s age stares at him awaiting response.

Tauren remains silent and jots down the date.

I’ll bet he’s just been dying to make fun of me for my journaling. Nobody would have dared say that with Lesli around. Come to think of it, I guess she’s kind of scary when she’s mad. Thankfully I’ve never been on her bad side.

“Hey you stop that!” Layson says, elbowing the kid, who is sitting next to him.

“What, you still sick up for that grade-school buddy of yours?!” he says.

Layson shoots him a glare.

“Oh ok fine! I couldn’t tell if you were serious.” He responds.

“Nah, your good.” Layson says under his breath.

Tauren looks back down at the table.

I’ll bet she’s staying home because she’s sick. I’ll write her a letter. Why not. I’ll use the rest of my break to drop it in her mailbox, then get back to work.

***

Tauren drops his pickaxe into the pile of others with a clank.

That thing is SO heavy.

Tauren gives the pick a small kick of frustration, edging it further into the closet. Sighing, he stretches his wrist back with his other hand, feeling the muscles slowly release. Enduring the satisfying pain of the stretch for a second longer, he switches sides.

 

“Yeah, I know right? I’m all sore too!” Layson bends over into the closet to set his pick down nicely. His dark gold bangs swing forward, exposing the small braid that runs through his chin length hair.

“Yeah.” Tauren says, tossing his satchel over his shoulder. “See you tomorrow.”

“Sure. Lesli not here today?” Layson asks.

“No, I don’t know what happened.” Tauren says.

“Did she maybe change her mind? I mean none of the other girls our age want to mine all day.” Lasyson says.

“I know that’s what it looks like… but it’s not like her.” Tauren replies.

“Hmm.” Layson says, filling his water canteen over the sink.

Tauren walks out the door, headed straight for Lesli’s place.

I’ll bet she’s just sick. It’s no big deal. I’ll tell her to get better soon.

Tauren knocks.

Martha, Lesli’s mom answers the door.

Woah… she looks different than usual.

Martha quickly masks her cold expression with her usual bubbly outside.

“Oh, hi. I’ll get Lesli.” Martha says flatly.

Tauren listens in confusion to the conversation inside.

Knock. Knock.

“You’ve got a—” Martha is cut off.

“Mom!! I don’t want to talk about it!!” Lesli’s snaps an immediate and sharp answer.

“Tauren’s at the door.” Martha says.

“Oh. Sorry I just thought–“Lesli’s voice wavers from behind an inner door.

“It’s ok, I know.” Martha’s voice remains straight, unsympathetic, and cold.

Tauren waits.

What was that about?

Lesli comes to the door in a red sweater and overalls. Her hair is tangled and unbraided.

“Hey! What’s going on? I thought you were going to be at work today!” Tauren says, his tone of voice dropping half-way through at the notice of Lesli’s tear-streaked face.

“Sorry.” Lesli says. “My parents were arguing during the night, and I didn’t want to go looking like this.”

“Oh. That’s understandable…you don’t need to apologize” Tauren quiets his voice. “Just the whole thing of your dad’s politics again?”

“Yeah. Um–“ Lesli pauses as if trying to find words. “My moms already divorced him though.”

She covers her face with her hands and breaths in a shaky breath.

“Oh.” Tauren tries to hide the shock on his face. “I uh… didn’t think it was going to go that far.”

“Neither did I. It’s to late now though.” Lesli wipes her face on her sweater sleeve.

“…”

“You need a hug?” Tauren asks, putting his hand on her shoulder.

“Yeah.”

Tauren embraces Lesli. Settling her face into his shoulder, she starts crying again. Tauren tightens his arms around her, listening to the sound of her rushed breathing.

“I just—” Lesli stops to catch her breath. “There’s nothing more I can do.”

“I mean they’re going to do what they’re going to do. It’s not like you ever could change it.”

Tauren puts his hand over the back of Lesli’s head as she rests her chin on his shoulder again.

“How was work?” Lesli asks.

“Oh uh… I don’t know. I’m not quite as nervous about it as I was. It was a really long day though. I’m a bit sore.”

Should I tell her about that kid who laughed at the fact that I was journaling? I guess not, she’s got enough on her mind now.

“I can tell it was harder.”

“What, am I acting different?”

“Yeah, little bit. But I mostly just noticed how dirty you are. You’ve got this sooty lookin’ stuff smeared all over your face.”

“Oh really? I wonder if that’s why your mom seemed cold. She was probably thinkin’ how I needed to go clean up before I hung out with you.” Tauren says.

“Oh, I dunno. I think she’s just acting that way.” Lesli says. “I think she feels bad about her decision but doesn’t want us to know. I mean, who wouldn’t feel bad. It’s mostly my dad’s fault, but she’s the one who sealed the deal.”

“Hmm, yeah. Anything in particular that drove her to that extreme?” Tauren asks.

“Uh… well my dad basically said he didn’t care about all of this. I don’t remember the wording, but it came off as—” Lesli takes another shaky breath in and buries her face into Taurens shoulder. “–As ‘I don’t care about you’”

“Oh, I’m sorry. That’s really harsh. I’m surprised he said that.” Tauren says, giving Lesli a small squeeze.

“I’m not that surprised. I just didn’t think he’d say it.” Lesli says through tears.

“You actually think he meant that?” Tauren asks.

Lesli Pauses. “Yeah. I do—” She stops to think. “I guess I don’t know. He definitely cared about me a couple years ago, but now—I don’t know. Maybe it’s just like—hidden inside him somewhere? I don’t know, can somebody hide away their love for their family?”

“I guess.”

Why would somebody do that though?

 

***

Lesli sits down at the dining room table. Keeping her eyes trained straight ahead at her food, she tries not to make eye contact with either of her parent’s. She eats in silence.

The sooner I finish the sooner I can go back to my room.

Sooner I can get out of this awful place.

Martha sits down at the table. Lesli freezes. The air stands still and thick with the tension from two night ago.

“Lesli, I’m moving to live with your uncle, my brother. You are welcome to leave with me if you like.”

Lesli looks up. She nods without a word, barely holding eye contact.

“I’m leaving today. It’s up to you.”

“Your what—leaving today?!” Lesli says with shock.

Martha gets up and walks into the kitchen.

“Yes. If you’re coming I’ll pack food for both of us. It’s a long walk.”

“Could you have—” Lesli pauses. “I’ll come.”

I cannot stay here with my dad! But I’d have to leave Tauren behind!

Is there any possible way out of this?

“How far away is it?”

“About a three hour walk.”

“Hmm.”

I’d think leaving would be a no-brainer, but it’s so complicated. I had nothing to blame my mom for up until this point, because it was mostly dad’s fault. I always thought leaving would be easy.

Lesli takes a bite of her bread.

But Tauren. I’ve never had a better friend. We’ve done everything together since we were small children.

Lesli breaths in deeply, deciding to hold any emotion and think critically for now.

He’s just so caring and kind. Always there for me. Like, always. I tell him literally anything. Oh, and all the time we spent in the mines together. It’s funny how something like work seems so special all of the sudden when you might not have it anymore. I’ve always told myself if only I could leave, I would.

“Do you want me to call the mines manager and tell him you’re not going to be working there?” Martha says.

“Yeah. Thanks.” Lesli replies, resting her chin on her hand.

Martha picks up the phone receiver.

“Hello?”

“Yes, I am calling to let you now Lesli Mintz is no longer going to be working with you guys.”

“Hm? Oh no. It’s just not going to work that’s all.”

Lesli cringes at the dialogue of the phone call.

So many years spent there. Oh! And to think I might never see those places again.

Lesli wipes a tear from her eye.

“You should write Tauren a letter telling him your decision if you come. I’m sure he’d be worried sick about you.” Martha says.

“Well, I’d just tell him in person.” Lesli says.

Martha looks at Lesli through the gap between the cabinets that opens into the dining room.

“I think he’s at work right now.” Martha says.

“Oh!” Lesli puts her hands over her face, realizing her dilemma.

“I-I could run in and look for him.” Lesli stutters.

Moving is the opportunity of a lifetime, but I’d just hate to leave him behind.

“I’m not sure they’ll let you, but if you can, in person is better.”

“Why wouldn’t they?”

“Well I just called saying you don’t work there anymore. I’m really sorry honey.” Martha sits down at the table. “You guys can write each other, but I know it’s not the same.”

“No! It’s really not the same.” Lesli presses the palms of her hands into her eyes.

We’ve known each other for twelve years. A letter doesn’t do it. I’ll bet Tauren might even tell me to leave. Just y’know because he knows it would be better for me.

Lesli sighs.

“I’ll go pack some stuff.”

“Ok.”

“Remember you don’t have to bring everything. You can come back for more if you want too later.” Martha says.

“Yeah.”

Lesli shuts the bedroom door behind her.

My room looks so different now.

Glancing around at the mess on her floor, Lesli picks up small booklet from the pile. Tears streak from her eyes as she opens the book. Lesli sits down on the floor, feeling the physical darkness of the room invade her mind. Blue shadows taint every object, but she refuses to turn on the light.

So bittersweet now.

Lesli runs her hand over the brown leather cover.

“So, I just write?” Tauren says, looking at Lesli in confusion. “About what?”

“Anything! That’s what journaling is.” Lesli picks up her fountain pen and puts the date.

What am I going to write about today… I guess just… everything.

Lesli sighs.

What do other people even journal about? Is it normal to just like… write about how your parents upset you?

“I’m going to write about my family. If something made you sad today, just write about it.” Lesli says, kneeling on the floor next to Tauren and leaning over her writing on the floor. Tauren picks at the edge of the foot-wide hole in the carpet.

“…Or happy. I guess you could write about that too.” She adds.

Tauren says nothing but continues pulling at the carpet.

“Well?” Lesli says. “What made you sad or happy today?”

He leans over his brand-new journal, gifted to him by Lesli, and admires the blank pages.

“Hmm.” Tauren puts on his thinking expression.

“Well, it makes me sad that you’ve graduated school and I haven’t. Just because you’re 14 and I’m 12” Tauren says.

 “Yeah! Write about that.” Lesli laughs. “You jealous you aren’t older huh?”

“No not really. I just don’t know what to do with my break time anymore now that you aren’t there.” Tauren says, turning his face down to the floor, his curls dramatically flopping forwards.

“Oh. Why don’t you write during break?” Lesli asks.

Tauren looks up at her with big eyes. “Oh! I really could.”

The two of them settle into what is left of the carpet of Lesli’s room and write together. Tauren writes a couple sentences, then scoots over to Lesli. He watches the pen slowly rise and fall with childish fascination.

“What you lookin’ at?” Lesli says.

“What are you writing about?” Tauren asks.

“I said family.”

“I mean like how do you write about your family? Mines pretty dull.” Tauren leans over her writing. “I mean my dad reads the newspaper every morning, but that’s nothing to write about.

“Oh uh…” Lesli stops to think.

“I dunno. My family is generally dull too but… they make me sad sometimes.” Lesli says, putting down her pen.

“Make you sad? Like you got in trouble? And they got upset at you?” Tauren asks innocently.

“No like… sometimes they get upset at each other.”

“Oh.” Tauren says, his eyes getting bigger. He looks away awkwardly.

“I guess I never considered that could happen.” Tauren says quietly.

“Yeah. Your parents seem pretty chill with each other.”

“So do yours.” Tauren replies.

“I know, but they get different sometimes. It’s mostly my dad. But my mom doesn’t help much.”

“Oh.”

Lesli sighs, tossing the journal into her backpack, along with a couple of other keepsakes that don’t weigh much.

Beginning of some kind of journey, I guess.

Lesli folds some extra clothes and puts them into her backpack.

I used to think if I ever went on an adventure, I’d have it with nobody else but Tauren. I mean we used to wander around the mines all the time together. It was always like, “If only there was a better place to adventure.” And now that I get to be in another district, I’m doing it alone.

How strange.

A grand adventure, all by myself.

I guess that makes it an escape of sorts. Adventures happen with friends.

Lesli drops her filled backpack on her bed in frustration. Flopping over onto the covers, she buries her face into the blankets. Rough with age, but soft with the memories of childhood. Lesli feels the blanket in front of her eyes run hot with her own tears. Her breath returns to her with each exhale, warming her face.

“I’m going to be the best miner when I grow up.” 14-year-old Lesli says, holding her half-size pickaxe with excitement and anticipation.

“Really?” Lesli’ father looks down at her proudly. “Looks like you’re on the right track! Be careful out their ok honey? And stay close to the other kids.”

“I will!” Lesli’s face turns to determination as she runs off into the mines, ready and eager to learn her lifetime trade.

I’m doing it alone now yes, but Tauren will graduate school in two years, and we’ll be unstoppable together!

 Lesli smiles with glee as she marches off into the mines, starting off—

 

Lesli pulls the covers from her face and turns over onto her back, savoring her favorite spot for what might be the last time.

Started off—into… hmm. I would call that the golden age of my life. I had so much fun.

–We had so much fun together.

“I’ll be ready soon, the earlier start the better.” Martha’s muffled voice calls from the other side of the door.

Lesli gets up with a heave.

“I’m ready.” She says in reply.

Lesli swipes a small note off of her desk to leave for Tauren, pulls on her backpack, and walks out the door.

This papers too small. I could never have fit everything on I wanted to tell him later—

Oh goodness he’s going to be so sad. He knows I have always wanted to leave, but—

I don’t think either of us thought I would. Where would I have gone? I mean, this is less than ideal, but I might never have another chance.

 

@theloonyone @lightoverdarkness6 @folith-feolin (Ik your short on time, you don’t have to reply 😊 hope your acting is going well) @anyoneelse