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Uh…didn’t quite know where to put this, so I just put it in General, lol. XD Anyways, I wrote this scene today and I wanted some thoughts. Just fair warning, it may not make complete sense without the full story, but I just wanted a few thoughts. But for context, this is for my main WIP about WWII and the Holocaust, so…that may clear a little bit up. š But here goes…
They had hurt him. They deserved nothing more than hate. They most certainly didnāt deserve compassion. Despite what Isaiah tried to say.
But still.
Heād lost everything. His wife. His kids. His faith.
He had nothing left save for his alcohol, his hatred, and his stupid pride.
Leon set his glass bottle down. It still burned in his throat.
But he didnāt care.
Anything to distract him from thinking about what he no longer had. Maybe Louisa had been right about taking them away. Maybe it truly was the best thing. Maybe Leon wasnāt the person he once was.
But he didnāt Ā know how to be that Leon anymore.
Because that Leon was dead.
Forever.
Leon looked around the living room. Paused. Louisa had brought a few things when she came to visit. Maybeā¦she had forgotten something?
He stood.
Picked up the papers.
And instantly let them go.
They were a stack of various pieces of lined paper. Some scrawled with unmailed letters. Others were poems. Othersā¦love letters.
All scrawled with Aadelheideās handwriting.
The letters were written to various people. The love letters all for him.
Leon pushed back tears. They burned all the way down to his heart. But he didnāt care. He reached for the bottle again. Hoped to drown out the pain. The heartbreak. Maybe, just maybe, for once it would work to do so.
Leon took a long gulp. It stung all the way down. But he took another. With luck, it would kick in soon and heād forget everything. If only for a moment. He took another.
Drowned that one out with another sip.
Heād down as many as it took.
āLeon, if I donāt make it out of this war alive, promise me that you will raise our kids well, Ā to know God, and promise me that you will teach them how to love and forgive. Evenā¦our enemies.ā
Leon closed his eyes. Took in a deep breath. He had promised. But he couldnāt teach them about God. Not now. Not when he couldnāt figure anything about God himself.
Not when he was angry and frustrated with God.
Not when he didnāt understand how God could let Aadelheide die. Not when he couldnāt understand why God would let horrible things happen to good people.
Leon downed another few sips. Why hadnāt it kicked in yet? Was this another way God was torturing him?
āThink itās funny to mess with me, huh? Think itās funny to torture me day in and day out?ā
Leon threw the empty bottle against the wall. It shattered.
His fists clenched and shook. His body trembled.
āAnswer me!ā
His knees buckled and Leon fell to the floor on his knees.
āWhere are you? Please. I need answers. Please.ā Leon begged. Kept his gaze skyward.
But no answer came. No voice in his ear. No giant beam of light and an answer to accompany it. Not even the faintest whisper.
This is how it was going to be? Silence? No. He wasnāt going to ask God any longer. If God didnāt want to answer him, then Leon didnāt want to ask.
But the thought of that sent a cold, chilling feel of hopelessness through Leonās heart. Maybe he still wanted someone to lean on. Someone to still listen. A God to still trust in. A God he could fall into the arms of.
But what if he couldnāt have that anymore?
Leonās gaze fell, he bent over, closed his eyes.
And screamed.
Uh…yeah, torturing Charries. #WriterThing. XD Anyways…let me tag a few Keepers. š
@wilder-w. @gracie-j. @kathleenramm. @godlyfantasy12. @devastate-lasting. @horsegirl13.
@joy-caroline. @elishavet-pidyon. @lydia-s. Those are the only people I can think of as of this moment. If y’all have any thoughts, don’t hesitate to share! š
@freedomwriter76
I like it! Itās really good! Makes me wonder what happened to Aadelheide
#IfMarcelDiesIRiot
#ProtectMarcel
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@godlyfantasy12. Thank you so much! š (Grammar’s probably horrid, but I’ll be practicing that this coming schoolyear. XD Thankfully I’m homeschooled, lol. XD)
Ah…well…this WIP is about the Holocaust. Leon is actually…ah…Jewish. And Aadelheide, his wife, died *inwardly cries* in a Concentration Camp. :'( Tell you what, it has not always been an easy book to write in that regard. DX
@freedomwriter76 I wondered if thatās what happened SOBS š *lays on floor crying*
IāM OKAYā¦.
#IfMarcelDiesIRiot
#ProtectMarcel
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@godlyfantasy12. YES!!!! IT BREAKS ME EVERY TIME THINKING ABOUT IT!!!!! SHE’S SO SWEET AND EVERYTHING!!!!! I LOVE HER SO MUCHHHHH! *joins you in crying on the floor* (Are we overly dramatic, lol? XD Haha, nope. We just love our wonderful Charries. XD)
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@freedomwriter76 GIRL THE EMOTION!!! This is SO sad and precious and I LOVE it! Thank you for sharing! š
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@gracie-j. Thank you! I’ve been very emotional today(not been a good day, but I’m doing better now. @godlyfantasy12 really helped to brighten my day today earlier. <3) so that probably makes my writing more obviously emotional. XD
But thank you! Makes me sad thinking about how he loses his wife. :'(
@freedomwriter76
Oof, that’s HARD! And well done wrenching out your reader’s heart strings. š
Your story sounds amazing, and from what I can tell from this clip, you’re writing over a time that is often ignored in YA historical fiction: the season of healing. Am I right?
By the way, if you are interested in the Jewish side of WWII, have you ever read Resistance by Jenifer A. Nielsen? Or the Promise of Zion series by Robert Elmer?(Promise of Zion is also set after WWII) Or the Hiding Place?
Your imagery was very fitting. I especially liked how you said that “that Leon was dead.” instead of saying Leon had changed. There are many different ways to die, and that’s definitely one of them.
I also liked how you’ve subtly, and not so subtly, shown how bewildered, hurt, and lost Leon is. When reading this, it seemed to me that although he may not be exactly intoxicated yet, his mind is clouded, and it’s not just strong drink doing it. Considering what he’s gone through, that makes sense, even as it saddens us.
There were a few times when his thoughts felt a bit too plainly spoken, though. Parts like this one. (I may be COMPLETELY wrong here. I haven’t been writing for long.)
Not when he was angry and frustrated with God.
Not when he didnāt understand how God could let Aadelheide die. Not when he couldnāt understand why God would let horrible things happen to good people.
Good people? Innocent ones? God’s own people, the Jews? It may be because of how common the phrase “good people” has become, but this just felt a little flat, considering how much could lie in this statement.
However, once again, that was beautiful in a terrible way! š It’s awesome! š
You have listened to fears, child. Come, let me breathe on you... Are you brave again? -Aslan
@freedomwriter76
Oh, and thank you for sharing! It was good.
I’m often too hesitant to share any of my actual work, but I need to stop that. š
I hope your day continues to get better!
By the way, I totally get the whole tragic-story-makes-you-cry-even-though-you-wrote it thing. Especially when it’s based off a real event. I may have a few of those… š
It’s bad when you actually do start to tear up when telling friends about it though! š
Then they are like “Um, are you ok?” šš¤£š
You have listened to fears, child. Come, let me breathe on you... Are you brave again? -Aslan
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@elishavet-pidyon. Thank you for all your thoughts! I’ll have to check those books out, but I have heard of and read most of The Hiding Place. Yes, I AM writing about the time of healing. It’s one of my MANY themes for this WIP, so… š
I’m so glad I got the imagery across. Ah, yes, he is starting to get drunk by this time, so…doesn’t help him. But yes, considering what he’s gone through, that really goes into play as well. š
And thank you. My day is getting better. It’s certainly been a day of learning to trust in and lean on God even more though! š And a day of prayer. But I want y’all, you, @godlyfantasy12, and @gracie-j to know just how much y’all have brightened my day today. I had only recently stopped crying when I got on Kingdom Pen, and lo and behold, there @godlyfantasy12 was. We fangirled over our Charries together (XD, I’m weird) and you and @gracie-j have really just…ah, I’m almost tearing up. Y’all have just been such a blessing to me today. Thank Y’all so much! :’)
But thank you so much for your thoughts including your helpful advice! I’ll be thinking about it! And again, thank you for being here for me today! My day is most certainly getting better, but prayer would still be appreciated! <3 Y’all (@elishavet-pidyon, @godlyfantasy12, @gracie-j) have brightened my day today, made me laugh and smile, and I can’t thank God enough that Y’all have been on Kingdom Pen today. <3
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@koshka. In case you have any thoughts. š
@freedomwriter76
Wow. You just wrote that today? This is first draft? I am…
*Groan*
You painted a vivid picture of this character in my head, and when he screamed I heard him. I have a definite love/hate relationship with this type of character. They wring my heart.
Because they’re real.
They’re all around us.
First Grand Historian of Arreth and the Lesser Realms (aka Kitty)
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@koshka. Thanks! I strive to make real, raw, and relatable characters, and I’m so happy I was able to get that across for you! And…yes, this is first draft. I didn’t edit it at all before I put it up on here. XD It’s normally not this good. I just…this kinda came from the heart today. š
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@freedomwriter76 Awww!!! I’m so sorry you’ve been having a rough time, but I’m glad we could brighten your day!!! I’ll be praying for you, sister! <3
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@gracie-j. Thank you so much, sister. Prayers are greatly appreciated. <3
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