character relationship, input please!!

@daisy-torres @kathleenramm @devastate-lasting @gracie-j @precious-y @keilah-h @anyone-else-you-want-to-tag

ok, so I have one character who is more than a little insecure and definitely a doormat at the beginning of the story… she struggles with anything athletic, which sucks for her since she’s in a military training school. She has a best friend who’s like a brother to her, who looks out for her, and I want to sort of how their relationship here, because it’s important in showing their friendship and trust in eachother, and it’s also the start of pivotal point of change in her life at this point.

I guess I want to know if the scene is too dramatic

well, anyhow, here it is:

About two months into the training, Faeda was missing, and would soon be late for class. She always liked being ten minutes early to everything, and yet she wasn’t there.

Sathor was concerned. He searched around and asked the cousins and Tyroll if they had seen her, but they hadn’t and Fiaere was still in her stall, pacing restlessly.

Sathor went to the archery arena, which was right behind the school. He found Faeda in tears behind the largest training target. It startled him to see her so upset. She rarely cried except in nightmares. He sat down cross-legged right across from her, and then bumped her foot with his. “Hey.”

“Hey,” she said and sniffed, wiping tears off her face. She kept her hands clenched, even when Sathor tried to do their handshake.

“Faeda… what’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” she said stubbornly, rubbing her eyes with her arm.

“Faeda,” Sathor said quietly.

“Well, you’re so good at everything!” she blurted.

Sathor was taken aback; it wasn’t like Faeda to be jealous. “And?”

“You wouldn’t understand—” She burst into tears again and showed him her hands. She was fifteen now and knew she shouldn’t be crying.

Sathor’s eyes seemed to glow an unearthly white in his anger; Faeda’s hands were cut and bleeding. “What…”

Faeda sniffed and rubbed her eyes with her sleeve again. “I didn’t hit any of the targets, the trainer got mad.”

“So he beat you?!”

“The archery trainer. Me and Brinna both, but Brinna was distracting people. I guess I deserved it if he did it.”

“Deserved it?! This is so…” he tried to think of words to say that were appropriate, but his mind failed him in that regard. He tipped her chin up so she looked at him. “You’re making progress.”

She scoffed and looked away, pulling her head back down to hide behind her unusually messy hair.

“I-I mean, it’s a slower pace than the others, but still.”

She looked up at him with red and bleary eyes. “You know I’ve been failing everything except endurance and survival training. I’m no good; I get shaky and I just can’t do it.” She sobbed and held her hands up on her knees.

Sathor scooted a little closer and carefully took her hands in his own, as he inspected them. They were very bruised, still bleeding, and looked infected.

Sathor gritted his teeth in protective anger. “That is not a reason to beat a student! What did he do?”

“I-I don’t know. I just know it hurts, I think he used his switch but I closed my eyes until he was done so I wouldn’t try to take him on.”

Sathor snorted. “I know what a switch beating looks like and this is not it! This looks like someone was using a knife!”

“I don’t know!” Faeda snapped.

“Rouronon. Wolfbane.” A voice called.

Sathor stood up. “Here, sir!”

It was their teacher, walking towards them and looking greatly annoyed. “Rouronon, are you aware you were due for your knife session fifteen minutes ago?”

Faeda stood up quickly and turned to her teacher, “Yes, sir.”

Sathor didn’t interrupt.

“You will be punished if you do not keep on time. Your parents have entrusted me with your training.”

Faeda looked down, and nodded, hands behind her back. “I understand, sir. I apologize for my tardiness.”

Tahairn looked at her with critical annoyance. “Young lady, what is behind your back?”

Faeda’s head shot up and she nervously glanced at Sathor then back at her teacher, shifting her stance. “My hands, master.”

“Do not be impertinent with me.”

“I do not mean to be, master.”

“Show me then.”

Faeda’s cheeks went red as she held up her hands. She deserved this thrashing, she knew she did.

Tahairn looked at her hands with a frown, and took them in his own, inspecting the cuts. “Who did this to you?”

“Teacher Kruhaiad, master Tahairn.”

The master’s eyes hardened. “Sathor, tell Kruhaiad to see me right away.”

Sathor saluted, “Yes, master.”

As soon as Sathor had left, Tahairn walked Faeda back towards the school house. “Faeda, is this the first time this has happened?” he asked, putting a hand on her shoulder.

Faeda hesitated, and shook her head. “No, sir, it’s been going on since week two of me training. That’s why I can’t do anything.” She didn’t break down crying again but she was close.

Tahairn sighed and clenched his jaw, frustrated. “You must tell people if someone is mistreating you. Kruhaiad is not known as being… a representative of kindness. Some people, when they know you are too timid, will take advantage. This is at least the fourth person he has injured like this.”

Faeda almost snorted at ‘representative of kindness,’ but refrained.

“Faeda, you and Sathor may spend today with Tyroll and Balar and go freely where you please, since you are not much use here anyway. Go to the physician, then meet your friends at the fountain. Be back within the school by the evening meal.”

Faeda saluted then went to leave.

“Faeda.”

She turned back, “Yes master?”

Tahairn smiled at her, and she was almost shocked. She swallowed and waited.

Tahairn studied her face for a moment then spoke. “You have much in store, do not let one defeat pull you to your knees. When you fall, you get up again.” Then with a returning stoic expression, he turned and left.

Faeda nodded, and walked towards the medicine house. She had her hands bandaged then she made her way to the fountain, where she sat for a bit in silence. She watched the water, and wondered what master Tahairn had meant. She heard quiet footsteps, and knew Sathor had come. She could tell his footsteps apart from anyone’s; soft, rapid and more like a rustle of wind than a footfall.

He sat down by his friend, and bumped her with his shoulder. “Should we go for a walk?”

“Sure.” she responded distantly. “The forests?”

Tyroll walked up right then with Balar before Sathor could respond. “Well, what adventure in the woods full of brambles and burs and thorns are we doing today?”

“The rose circle.” Faeda decided.

Tyroll groaned, and Balar shoved him a little. “She’s the one with wounds! Suck it up!”

“But it’s so mushy! Roses everywhere and people taking walks and kissing…”

“It’s a beautiful garden!” Faeda and Sathor retorted.

Balar smirked and raised an eyebrow at Tyroll.

He groaned, but it was obvious he didn’t really mind. “Fine. Romantics are hopeless, let’s go.”