Stepheroni and Cheese

@calyhuge

I have to leave for camp soon, see ya there

what is that pfp

It is a character from a hilarious show; Loopy exposed me to it. Gravity Falls.

Sebastian

When Seb flickered his eyes open, everything blurred at the edges like in a mirage. Something – a hand? – lay on his chest.

“L – Com… Comish…” He rubbed his eye with his chubby fist.…[Read more]

@freed_and_redeemed

WHYYY

@whalekeeper

Thank you for everything Whaley!! This means a lot <3

Both ways work well!! Whatever makes more sense to you; I’m just throwing random ideas to help you brainstorm

Ohhhh gotcha! Thanks XD

I think what Jonas was mentioning (please correct me if I’m wrong!) is before, there was some moral grayness and room for human variation, esp…

[Read more]

@theshadow

If you want to show a sacrifice, I don’t think that’s inherently melodramatic 😊 It only becomes melodrama if you become blinded to story mechanics and the reader’s perspective in everything. Drama is fine as long as you can see everything from a bird’s eye view, and you seem to be a pretty practical person so far XD

I have to say, you are definitely improving your skills 👌

@savannah_grace2009

Really?!?!

Yep!! XD

Ooh, that’s a good point!!! My thought process was just that Kaden and Sevryn didn’t realize how the oath would affect them.

Both ways work well!! Whatever makes more sense to you; I’m just throwing random ideas to help you brainstorm 😉

Question…why is this a problem?

I think what Jonas was mention…[Read more]

@calyhuge

Hehe. They might find themselves dancing generically when they wake up too.

@loopylin

I knooow it’s been vague, I’m sorry 😆 Teleportation just didn’t fit for him anymore. You guys deserve an explanation if I’m going to do this any longer.

Every person has a form called a lovedream, which is an exaggerated, fantastical version of their perceived identity. Or who they want to be. For example, Hugo’s lovedream looks lik…[Read more]

@theshadow

Well…look at my novel!

It has several dark elements, like child abuse, child neglect/abandonment, murder, evil guys running the world, hatred, prison camps, etc.

But the reason these elements are in my story is because my story is an allegory about Light and Darkness, good and evil!

I think your story is fine (unless you’re…[Read more]

@whalekeeper

The greatest enjoyment I got from the prologue was the twist from ‘we’re doing this to save the baby’ to ‘what’s this baby doing here?’ That was great.

Really?!?! That’s awesome…I guess I’m keeping it now XD XD

You should think about how strong of an allegory you want. Once you say Jesus, all readers will know this is a Christian a…

[Read more]

@jonas

Wow…this is a lot to think about and really helpful! Thank you!!

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it as it is, it really evokes a certain mood, and has really strong imagery.

Okay good XD

Yeah, the first line of the book is always the hardest because that’s how the readers decide whether or not to keep reading!

These three par…

[Read more]

@theshadow

It’s all about why the darkness is there. Top questions when reading something dark: Is this melodramatic? If so, what does that say about the writer’s reasons for including it? What practical reason does the writer have for including it, if at all?

Tbh I see no problem with big bombs in a story, I have one in my project. It’s a magic…[Read more]

I want to help a little bit more since you appreciated my help before! 😋 So I mostly had the same thoughts as Jonas. The greatest enjoyment I got from the prologue was the twist from ‘we’re doing this to save the baby’ to ‘what’s this baby doing here?’ That was great.

I only have a couple extra notes.

Please, Jesus, save my son, he begged, ref…

[Read more]

@savannah_grace2009

Aww that’s so sweet of you! 🥰 I’m honored to be called out in the acknowledgements, thank you so much!!

Teleportation is no longer something Seb can do. I realized it isn’t true to his character, more so when he gets older. Umm since he could teleport earlier in this roleplay, we can say he was given a 24 hour teleportation ability to get to the school. 👍

@loopylin

Marcel

The other boy shrugged. “I don’t care as long as I’m not there for the romance part.”

@loopylin

Hey I wrote additional stuff if this helps 😛

Marcel

Before Lois could react, Marcel broke down into soft chuckles. “Nah… everyone’s a fool. Hey. If you think a romantic skyline would do the job -“

A business venture suddenly occurred to him. He positioned his body to block the other students from sight, as if selling somethi…[Read more]

@rae

Aww that’s so sad 😭

WHY DO YOU DO THIS TO ME

Sorry for my never-ending questions…just trying to get some context before I share my thoughts XD XD