Rochellaine

@rochellaine  Hehe, IKR. I like Kirk, but I hate how romantic he is.

Like, DUDE, CAN’T YOU JUST STICK TO ONE GIRL AND CUT IT OUT?!?!

@rochellaine  OHHH that’s right! I love that part! 😀 😀

I didn’t know that was an actual game though O-O

What is your favorite TOS episode? My two favorites are Piece of the Action and The Trouble with Tribbles

Hey guys! So I’m going to reuse an OLD thread and post my updated story snippet for you guys to critique. To make it clear, this is my Doctor Who fan novella. You don’t have to be a Whovian to read it. I’m excited about it because I recently started changing it to first person instead of third. Here is what I have so far!

@theacornman  @pickupyour…[Read more]

@rochellaine I think mainly, it would feel less rambling if you locked into a clearly defined scene. That’s unless you really want to keep the fast-paced, skipping over the details kind of narration, which is quite useful, but I think weakens after you use it for too long.

@rochellaine  Right. That was just a suggestion. I think maybe you should take out ONE of her dialogues since she has two. That way you’ll hint at her importance….. A little structural foreshadowing for ya! 😉

(I actually have no idea if “structural foreshadowing” is actually a thing XD )

Edit: GAAAAA! GUYS I’M AN ECCENTRIC MENTOR!! ……

@rochellaine  Wonderful, thanks! I made some comments 🙂

@rochellaine I actually like the more edited version from google docs a lot better. I think the paragraph breaks helped a lot, and the entire thing seems to flow nicer when I imagine him speaking to me. The note near the end asking about if the dialogue  feels jerky, it doesn’t. I barely even noticed the switch.

@rochellaine I’m personally not at all used to reading this style 😮
But to be honest, I found it to be a little too wordy for me? Like it didn’t really get to the point fast. Maybe thats more of a formatting issue? I’m not sure. But that might have been on purpose, I suppose. It felt it could use a little more sensual or visual information given…[Read more]

@rochellaine AH! I love the plotline. I really want to know what happens. Like really. Write more now.

The only things I think you need to do is add some paragraph breaks–those make it easier to read. And try to use the word ‘so’ less. It’s alright to use it with this guys style, but a bit less would be better.

It’s also a bit fast-paced. If…[Read more]

@rochellaine It does sound a little bit rambly. Which I don’t mind since I know the person who wrote it. But if I just picked up a random book at a bookstore or library I think it would annoy me a little and I wouldn’t finish it. I do like the main character though and i’m curious as to what happens next!
“She looked scared at me.  I was scared,…[Read more]

@rochellaine It’s interesting to read, and feels nicely connected to the narrator. It’s a little bit too rambling for me, though. I would like it more if it had more focus and streamline. Also, Joshua is a really funny character XD 😀

@rochellaine  I like it! I love how casual the narrator sounds. Except he sounds a little too bumbly to me. It’s an interesting story, but I think I would cut out some of the “bumbling” if you know what I mean. That would make it much more interesting in my opinion. But then again, I personally favor action. What can I say? *shrug*

Anyway, I…[Read more]

@rochellaine  Oh, that’s funny!! Good signature choice! 😉

@rochellaine

Okay, I’m sorry that I misinterpreted you! I’m glad we’re in agreement on this. I’ll attempt to explain it all better as I revise it. And yes, I definitely tried to portray Justice as unhealthily obsessed with his country (at this point, he doesn’t believe in God, no).

Yes, that all made sense! And no, I don’t believe that all…[Read more]

@rochellaine

Thanks so much for answering those questions!

I like the point you raised about revolution. I don’t like war or fighting at all, but I would never call myself a pacifist. I believe there is a time and a place for war, and I believe that one of the reasons we should fight is to protect those who cannot protect themselves. at the…[Read more]

@rochellaine  Yeah, can you just tell me? I’m too impatient to read the whole thing XD

@rochellaine  Kevin looks fine! And yeah, I like Dekreel’s hair (except his beard isn’t actually that thick, but eh)

BTW what does your signature mean? It’s funny! 🙂

@rochellaine  Ooh! Those are cool! Thank you!! I especially like Kevin! 😀