PrincesaChronicle22

@savannah_grace2009 @rae @mineralizedwritings @keilah-h @koshka @ellette_giselle @anyone-else

Anyone want a Riker scene? 👀

Fair warning…Riker is about to plunge into another dark place, and is about to separate himself from everyone that has ever loved him, until he literally comes to the end of himself, and thus this scene may cause some…[Read more]

@ellette-giselle

Note: There is no description in this one of the courtyard because the description would be in the chapter before.

Okay, that makes sense!

Chapter 9 was good, I like the contrast of Julius’ superstition and Marcus’ faith.

He looked at Ignatius closely. There was something in his tone…

Okay, but this makes me think Ignatius is tr…[Read more]

@rae

It’s not exact, but I am proud to announce I finished around 12 hours of writing! I wrote somewhere around 9000 words, but after going through and editing sections, I was left with only about 8700 words of progress.

Congratulations!! That’s awesome!!!

How’d you two do?

Not great, I got a severe case of writers block then ultimately had to st…[Read more]

@ellette-giselle

Wow, that was really good! I like what you said about the light shining in the darkness. Thanks!

@whalekeeper

I guess I never thought about it that way. Tbh, the only reason the post apocalyptic world exists is because of the main character (he didn’t cause it, but you’ll see why in a second). The main character is supposed to…[Read more]

@theshadow

Well…look at my novel!

It has several dark elements, like child abuse, child neglect/abandonment, murder, evil guys running the world, hatred, prison camps, etc.

But the reason these elements are in my story is because my story is an allegory about Light and Darkness, good and evil!

I think your story is fine (unless you’re…[Read more]

@whalekeeper

The greatest enjoyment I got from the prologue was the twist from ‘we’re doing this to save the baby’ to ‘what’s this baby doing here?’ That was great.

Really?!?! That’s awesome…I guess I’m keeping it now XD XD

You should think about how strong of an allegory you want. Once you say Jesus, all readers will know this is a Christian a…

[Read more]

@jonas

Wow…this is a lot to think about and really helpful! Thank you!!

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it as it is, it really evokes a certain mood, and has really strong imagery.

Okay good XD

Yeah, the first line of the book is always the hardest because that’s how the readers decide whether or not to keep reading!

These three par…

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@theshadow

Ellette nailed it. I pretty much would have said the same thing (if I could articulate it that well, which I could not)

@loopylin

Ooh, I love those ones.

@highscribeofaetherium Oh I haven’t heard that one p. I’ll have to listen to it later.
Umm I really like Hey, Runner!, Envy Green, and Blue Eyed Girl

@whalekeeper Nice pfp :]

Teleportation was the only part of Seb’s powers I felt like I understood, lol. What did he just do to Caly’s characters? I’m not sure I completely followed.

Lois 

He hesitated, fiddling with a pencil in one hand.

“…Sure,” he said finally.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. After art class is done?”

“Sounds good.”

“Thanks, Marce…[Read more]

@loopylin

*agonizes over question*

Mmm… I think it’s Big Sky, MT for me, but there are so many great ones it’s really hard to pick. I’ve never heard one of their songs I didn’t love. How about yours?

@highscribeofaetherium Yes! I love their music! Do you have a favorite song?

@ellette-giselle

are you threatening my character? Isn’t Ignatius just a nice soldier boy who really wants to help Marcus?

Yes I’m threatening him XD. He’s still a praetorian, so I’m not going to trust him completely. I don’t know, the way he responded to Julius’ answers sounded like he was suspicious of Marcus…. Then again, maybe he is just a nic…[Read more]

@ellette-giselle

The last scene was sooo cute, I liked it a lot! Also Julius’ internal dialogue and conflict was good. Ignatius, if you lay a finger on Marcus, it’s not ending well for you!

One thing that I think you could add is more description of the places though, such as when Julius and Ignatius are talking.

@ellette-giselle

Alright, and I feel you on that, I have way too many side characters that I have yet to develop lol.

@ellette-giselle

Alright, a few critiques on chapter 7. I think you could show Flavia and Marcus’ relationship a bit more since we haven’t seen a lot of her.

Marcus could probably be shown to be more upset after talking with Julius, since that was his best friend.

Otherwise it was good, the ending of the chapter made me smile.

@rae

Sorry to hear about that, and I’ll pray for her. Also I second Ellette on that notion, chocolate or sugar will probably help.

@ellette-giselle

I finished the chapter, and THAT’S SO CUTE!! Marcus totally deserves that happiness!!! I do have a few critiques, so is it okay if I could give you them on your WIP topic?