Mallory O'Bier

@aratrea Great!

@winter-rose
First off, may I just say that I found this story very amusing!
For one, I agree with @ingridrd that the scene with his mom should be moved to another place. Perhaps after Sam’s tale and he comes home, the mom says “Start from the beginning”, and that would be the ending.

@winter-rose
WOW. I noticed a few things about this.
1. The protagonist’s voice is hilarious. Don’t change a thing about Sam’s personality.
2. I think the first scene is really good, but I’m not sure it’s necessary for the story. Everything after Sam starts telling about his day is amazing, just maybe think about putting the scene with his mom in…[Read more]

@r-j-wordsmith Really? Wow, I didn’t know that! I wonder if he was thinking like Lewis when he came up with the idea of a time-travel book to be like Narnia (of course, Tolkien never intended it to be allegorical) I like the Hobbit better too, but that’s probably because it is my favorite book. 😛

Here’s one to kickstart this up again…

“Shut up, everyone! Shut up! I’m trying to think!”

@audrey-caylin My current plan is to steal my sister’s copy of the book when I’m home over Spring break. 😉 That’s awesome that you were able to find it so clearly! Figuring out why an author chose to write a scene in a certain way is one of my favorite ways to apply and test what I’ve learned about writing.

@kate-flournoy Both of those look great! Have you thought about what the reaction sequences would look like for both of those action sequences?

@audrey-caylin That’s a fantastic question. Like @daeus said, I think a good rule of thumb is that a scene ends whenever you have a scene break or chapter break, but scenes can sometime extend over scene…[Read more]

@anna-brie Looks like a good solid base there for what looks like 2 similar but distinct character arcs on the importance of community and on how to relate between genders properly. Nice work!

@anna-brie Examples and messages are both great potential catalysts! Repetition is a great way of helping characters to change.

@anna-brie That makes a lot of sense. Sometimes (probably most of the time, now that I think about it), God’s sanctifying process is slow and gradual, so it can take some work to see how God has been changing you over the course of several years. And it certainly works differently for personalities as well! That may be something to keep in mind…[Read more]

@audrey-caylin Alright; finally getting around to giving you feedback on this. xD And yes, a “climax of a climax” is an actual thing. xD Different writers call it different things, though. Weiland calls it the ‘climactic moment.’

Anyways, onto thoughts on the story. It sounds like Method #2 that’s being utilized since the protagonist is aware of…[Read more]

Oh, by the way, what is your blog called? I’d enjoy reading some of your other work.

@winter-rose This is definitely good, you do an amazing job of projecting personality and conveying mood. You used ‘I’ in some places a little too frequently, and there are some rough spots. A couple of sections, instead of moving the plot along, hint a little that they are disguised information reveals. Various words and phrases could be…[Read more]

@Aratrea okey dokey. I will not be able to make it. Guys, *wags finger sternly* You be sure and ask him plenty of questions ‘kay?

Thanks for the input everyone! It looks like the best option is going to be February 24th from 3-4 PM EST, so we’re going to be scheduling the Q&A for that. I’ll be sending out an email the day before with a webinar link, and will also make sure to post a link in this thread! Looking forward to seeing as many of you as possible there. 🙂

And to…[Read more]