Mark Kamibaya

@audrey-caylin I’d be interested. 🙂 To be honest though, I’m not sure I could finish it in a month. I probably wouldn’t be done with it until about May 1st. If that’s ok with you though, or if you’re fine with only getting feedback on the first half, you can count me in. (There is also a chance I could get it done in time.)

@GracieGirl I know I’m late in saying this but… Welcome! Really glad you could join us “crazies” here :p
I really like David Nevue’s music! His “Overcome” has always been my favorite. It’s the only piano piece I’ve been able to retain in my memory long term 🙂 Do you play his pieces or just listen?

@GabrielleMassman Why hello! I am very late to this party! But I had to stop by and welcome you to the forum! Welcome!
Yes, time management, a very tricky thing to balance! What is it that you’re studying at the Christian college you attend?

@hope Ah, that would make more sense as a trilogy. Ok, good to know.

@daeus Yes, something like that. The second half of the disillusionment arc is really the first part of her positive arc (because who would ever decide to start simple when branching from a single book to a trilogy *glares at self*). And yes, her trying to save everyone is an outward manifestation of what she is working through inwardly.

@Aratrea…[Read more]

@Aratrea thanks. 🙂 It definitely still needs work, but thanks.

Good point— I’ll watch out for that, definitely.
I don’t want the book ending on a completely sour note— the resolution of Harold’s arc is pretty sour, but as this is the second book of a series, I need it to end with a question that leads into the other books— and that is, sin…[Read more]

@jenali I completely agree! Those types of stories are my absolute favorites, and are a great example of theme making a lasting impact on a reader. Can’t believe I never mentioned that aspect in the video! Great thoughts.

@shaina I completely agree! Those types of stories are my absolute favorites, and are a great example of theme making a lasting impact on a reader. Can’t believe I never mentioned that aspect in the video! Great thoughts.

One other thought as I’ve continued to think about the Denholm ending is that you probably want Harold to decide to resist Eldred’s arguments even after everything seems against him so that he then gets rewarded for the right choice by Denholm coming in. Otherwise, if Harold has completely succumbed to Eldred’s arguments, Denholm’s entrance may…[Read more]

@kate-flournoy Wow. Just reading a summary of that climax is beautiful. I am a firm believer of the fact that the climax makes or breaks the story’s climax, and at least on paper, you certainly seem to have that climax down. Other elements may need some work, but you’ve got the core down beautifully.

My one thought on the climax is that Denholm…[Read more]

@hope I see. Yeah, this gets into the tricky parts of fiction writing where everything isn’t as analyze-able as we might like it to be. =P I could see it as being either a second related EiL, or simply her deciding to expand her current EiL to include more than it did otherwise. In gray areas like this, you should probably go with whatever makes…[Read more]

@Daeus good. 😛
Sure. Sure. I’ll believe that when I see it.

And I hope you’re right. *nods solemnly*
Ack! Now I’m starting to sound like you. Haha! XD

@Daeus eeeep! Sorry! I didn’t tag you so it isn’t my fault! 😛

Okay though, great points. Yes. You’re right. Maybe because my grasp on that is too shallow… *groans**bangs head against the wall* HAROLD HAD BETTER APPRECIATE THE MENTAL AGONY I’M GOING THROUGH FOR HIS SAKE.
Okay. *settles down* I must definitely do brainstorming on that. Oh…[Read more]

@kate-flournoy Ack! Can’t look at climax! *turns away*

Ok, so, for everything else, what I noticed is that it includes a lot about the plot, but the parts about how that external journey affected his inner journey were too vague. I think the main thing is you didn’t state Harold’s EIL. I assume Harold does have at least one positive arc. If so,…[Read more]