Cloaked Mystery

@savannah_grace2009 @rae

Ugh! I forgot about this today. Sorry! I’ll get to it as soon as I can!

@rae

Nice! I like it.

Note this typo:

Furious, with leader of the caravan

I think you meant “the” instead of “with.”

Maybe also establish who the POV character is sooner. I was a bit confused for the first few paragraphs because I couldn’t tell.

The only other thing I would say is that the title could be tweaked. The name doesn’t feel quite…[Read more]

@keilah-h

Only a few of us have villains actually, so it’s no problem.

@savannah_grace2009

I haven’t read it yet, but what I immediately thought is, do these have to be separate chapters? It looks like both are Sef chapters, and neither is particularly long, so I don’t see any specific reason to separate them. Like I said, I haven’t read it yet, so maybe there is one.

@thearcaneaxiom

Wow, that’s really good!

@savannah_grace2009

I wouldn’t mind, but I probably wouldn’t be able to read it today. I also am not sure if anyone else has gotten a chance to read Ch 1 yet.

@savannah_grace2009

I didn’t want to spam you guys, lol.

Yeah, thanks. If you scatter the rest throughout the week, I should have time to read them, but yeah, four appearing at once would be panic inducing, lol.

Yeah, I was planning to do either Neveah or Ottoline for the “teaser”, though Neveah’s would make more sense.

You could do both in it,…[Read more]

@savannah_grace2009

Seems like a strong first chapter. I don’t have any feedback apart from that.

So this would be Sef and Lillitu’s book, correct? Imagining it, this structure should work really well! At the end of this one, you should have a epilogue with Neveah as a teaser for the next one.

@savannah_grace2009 @rae

I know. I’ll try to write something tomorrow.

Speaking of the Gollum voice, did anyone know Andy Serkis had to drink a special drink to avoid ruining his voice or something? They called it ‘Gollum juice.’

Dlek

Dlek cocked his head as Marcurious walked away from Vethe. What was his plan?

Dlek didn’t like people he couldn’t read. He couldn’t tell what was an act and what was real, and most importantly, he couldn’t figure out what Marcurious would do. In a way, he trusted the psychopath with knives more than Marcurious—-at least he was predictable.

Zash

“Very well,” Zash said to the king. “I do not care about causes, but if there’s killing involved…count me in!”

Dlek

Dlek stared at the king in confusion. It seemed to him painfully obvious that it was the king and not these “Lillenings” who was in the wrong. Not that he cared.

Zash

“What do you want from me?” Zash demanded. “You better have something to offer, or else you’ll wish I wasn’t here.”

Dlek

Dlek slowly backed away as things threatened to get ugly again.

What am I even doing here?

He didn’t know where he was, nor did he particularly care. He didn’t have any desire to return home, so he stood there waiting for the situation to calm down so everything could be explained.

Dlek

Dlek spun around as someone spoke behind him, hand going to his sword. He narrowed his eyes.

”I don’t like your attitude,” he said. “You just tried to kill everyone and now your cracking jokes?”

Planet

Dlek swung his sword to his back. “What…planet?” he asked, confused. “We call my world Razath. We’re not…on Razath?”

Dlek

”Not until you do,” he said suspiciously.“And I gave you my name. What’s yours?”

@savanbah_grace2009

Okay. Could he shapeshift into another person?

Dlek

”It’s Dlek,” he said, keeping his sword pointed at her. “And I don’t want anything to do with any of this.”

Zash

Zash came to a stop, three of his knives forming a tripod of support beneath him. He looked at the man on the dragon’s neck, amused.

”And what will you do if the dragon changes again?” he smirked.

His remaining three knives flew across the room, one pointing at the man’s throat, one at the dragon’s eye, and the third at the silver-ha…[Read more]