hybridlore

@trailblazer
It’s weird on my end and I can’t leave this blank Chat Chat page.

@highscribeofaetherium

It’s fine on my end…

@savannah_grace2009
OH NO I THINK IT’S WEIRD AGAIN.

(looks like I’m late to the party lol)

@ellette-giselle

I like the second version better, too, and the fountain/sword scene was funny! 😄

@rae

Two weeks sounds ok, I think I’m going to do this one. Tenz sounds fun.

@savannah_grace2009

Girl your suggestions were good, though! I haven’t done much research on starting off a book, so it sounds like you have more tools under your belt in that area than I do.

@trailblazer

Lol! XD

@ellette-giselle

Yeah, sorry if I went a little overboard on the critiques lol

I know I’m not the best at giving advice…sorry

@savannah_grace2009

Ok then. No worries. I’ll split it up. Right now this is just ideas. I mean, you guys are seeing this stuff literal the minute after a type the last word of the chapter. One I get farther into it I’ll have a more concrete setup.

@savannah_grace2009

*sighs in relief* Okay because I was panicking after I posted and then you posted that you really liked the fountain scene…I felt sooo bad lol

I think we were posting over each other… like I didn’t see your comments until after I posted.

@trailblazer

Yeah that’s basically what happened xD

glad I’m not the only one!

@ellette-giselle

Yeah…I bet you two will get along just fine XDXDXD

@savannah_grace2009

It did that to me the other day… where all the profile pics disappeared and then the format was all crazy. But like you said it fixed itself pretty quickly.

@trailblazer

Ok I love what savannah_grace2009 just said about doing the whole colosseum scene first- that makes a lot of sense!

*sighs in relief* Okay because I was panicking after I posted and then you posted that you really liked the fountain scene…I felt sooo bad lol

Yeah, I overthink a lot xD

As far as the fountain scene, I think you could…

[Read more]

@ellette-giselle

Ok I love what @savannah_grace2009 just said about doing the whole colosseum scene first- that makes a lot of sense!

As far as the fountain scene, I think you could maybe still incorporate that later- maybe not the swordfighting, but perhaps during their conversation they’re sitting outside and the teasing turns into wrestling…[Read more]

@trailblazer

Awesome!! I’m glad you like the new beginning!

I should have chapter two out here in a few.

Oh good idea. I’ll do that with the thought thing.

@ellette-giselle

Just now saw your updated version- I love that fountain scene at the beginning! It made me smile because I can easily see my brothers doing that!

Julius inwardly berated himself for failing in such a simple thing.

This is just something I thought of as I was reading through- maybe instead of telling us Julius inwardly berated…[Read more]

@savannah_grace2009

Huh, that’s weird.

@highscribeofaetherium

It was really weird for like ten minutes, now it’s normal…😐

@elette-giselle
Okay…so I’m going to attempt to give my thoughts.
Just so you know…I haven’t been writing for THAT long…so take everything with a grain of salt…
I just feel bad giving feedback for some reason xD

First…your revisions did help a lot (I read both the first draft and second rewrite).
But the new opening scene felt a…[Read more]

@savannah_grace2009

Looks normal to me.