hybridlore

@ellette-giselle

Yeah…I bet you two will get along just fine XDXDXD

@savannah_grace2009

It did that to me the other day… where all the profile pics disappeared and then the format was all crazy. But like you said it fixed itself pretty quickly.

@trailblazer

Ok I love what savannah_grace2009 just said about doing the whole colosseum scene first- that makes a lot of sense!

*sighs in relief* Okay because I was panicking after I posted and then you posted that you really liked the fountain scene…I felt sooo bad lol

Yeah, I overthink a lot xD

As far as the fountain scene, I think you could…

[Read more]

@ellette-giselle

Ok I love what @savannah_grace2009 just said about doing the whole colosseum scene first- that makes a lot of sense!

As far as the fountain scene, I think you could maybe still incorporate that later- maybe not the swordfighting, but perhaps during their conversation they’re sitting outside and the teasing turns into wrestling…[Read more]

@trailblazer

Awesome!! I’m glad you like the new beginning!

I should have chapter two out here in a few.

Oh good idea. I’ll do that with the thought thing.

@ellette-giselle

Just now saw your updated version- I love that fountain scene at the beginning! It made me smile because I can easily see my brothers doing that!

Julius inwardly berated himself for failing in such a simple thing.

This is just something I thought of as I was reading through- maybe instead of telling us Julius inwardly berated…[Read more]

@savannah_grace2009

Huh, that’s weird.

@highscribeofaetherium

It was really weird for like ten minutes, now it’s normal…😐

@elette-giselle
Okay…so I’m going to attempt to give my thoughts.
Just so you know…I haven’t been writing for THAT long…so take everything with a grain of salt…
I just feel bad giving feedback for some reason xD

First…your revisions did help a lot (I read both the first draft and second rewrite).
But the new opening scene felt a…[Read more]

@savannah_grace2009

Looks normal to me.

@savannah_grace2009

Ooo!!! I like Freedom already!!! I love really sad scenes and doing bad things to characters. It’s all for a purpose of course, and it needs to be done. But…… it’s also fun to watch readers cry. lol.

Is it just me or did KP glitch out???? Like everything looks SUPER WEIRD

@ellette-giselle

I haven’t come across anything with Leon, Riker, sand Hans that people died in. am I missing something?

Leon, Riker, and Hans are Freedom’s characters from her novels. She posts really, really, really sad scenes from her books in the forums (usually The Chat Chat) that make @rae cry…(actually they make a lot of us cry :/)

YES T…[Read more]

@trailblazer

Ok, thanks! Haha, maybe my brothers and their friends are more wild, but it’s younger or older brother annoying each other around here. lol.

What did you think of the rewrite? was that better? I tried to make a few things a little clearer and also add some action in the beginning. If you still think it doesn’t build enough action…[Read more]

@ellette-giselle

However, if Marcus came off as too young in y’all’s opinion then I can tone him down into a more mature guy. what do y’all think?

Hmm… I do have two younger brothers who are teenagers, but maybe they’re more chill than other guys their age. They do pick on each other and get on each other’s nerves, but in the case of someo…[Read more]

OK, I went ahead and rewrote some stuff in the first chapter. is this better? (I put the new stuff in bold so y’all don’t have to read the whole chapter over again.)

 
Chapter 1
Julius ducked a blow aimed for his head. He jumped back a step as his opponent quickly followed up the swipe with a thrust toward his chest. The enemy stumbled slightly…[Read more]

@trailblazer

Yes. All the blog posts. sorry for the confusion. lol.

YAY!!! I thought I’d give that a shot and see if that was what y’all meant for me to do. Now that i see it was and how easy it is I bet y’all were laughing because I was making it so over complicated. lol.

@ellette-giselle

Hey, look at that! You tagged someone! Yay!

I think you’re saying you read all the blog posts, correct? Not all the posts in the forums- because that would take an insane amount of time.

WOW!! Thank you all! This is so helpful!

OK, I’ll mention the thing about the gods first. So, in the time of Nero things were starting to slip. There were many, many slaves who had come from wars, and a lot of their religion, or lack thereof, had started to rub off. There were several emperors after Nero who wanted to “reclaim the glory of…[Read more]