hybridlore

@linus-smallprint It’s really fun!

@rae do you have a picture of Tenz? A drawing, faceclaim picture, anything?

@theshadow

I really hate to do this again, but “wondered” was used twice again when Marcus was speaking to Ignatius.

No way!! I did not do that twice in a row! So sorry! haha! I normally catch that when I read back through it. thanks for pointing it out.

Oh, I’m glad the thing about Ignatius makes sense! No worries about not remembering!

@theshadow

I’m glad I’m not the only one who struggles with first chapters.

Oh dear, yeah, I had better use some body language. thanks for catching that. I’ll go back and hit some of those scenes!!!

Your right, if Ignatius was a normal guard. but, Ignatius is a Prætorian. As I mentioned in the first chapter, they are the elite soldiers, and in…[Read more]

@theshadow

Haha, no, I cannot stand repeated words! It’s like nails on the chalkboard!

Alrighty then, I’ll swap that scene around.

How is the second chapter? Better then the first? I always find my first chapter the roughest.

Ok y’all, here’s chapter two!!

 
Chapter 2
 

“Marcus. Marcus, can you hear me?”

Marcus slowly looked up. “What?”

“Marcus, what is wrong with you?” asked Julius. His tone was playful, but his green eyes held a hint of worry.

Marcus sighed and rubbed a hand over his face. “I don’t know. I’m fine. I guess I was just thinking.”

“Abou…[Read more]

@grcr

No problem. Someone else mentioned it seemed out of place, and maybe use a part of it later.

Glad it was funny though!

Ok, in just a sec I’ll send chapter two. Let me skim it real quick to make sure there aren’t any horrid errors that are clearly visible. lol.

@ellette-giselle

Ah, sorry! I was just saying it was funny, not really saying to keep it or not, lol. If you were gonna change it, that’s cool too! I might not have caught something in the earlier messages. Maybe that makes sense? Lol, sorry, I didn’t mean to be confusing! 😓😅

@grcr

So keep the fountain sword scene or not? Now I’m confused. lol.

@savannah_grace2009

No your suggestions are amazing! They are just what I have been looking for!

@rae

For some reason I was imagining Tenz as blond.

Huh, it went back to normal after I posted.

@trailblazer
It’s weird on my end and I can’t leave this blank Chat Chat page.

@highscribeofaetherium

It’s fine on my end…

@savannah_grace2009
OH NO I THINK IT’S WEIRD AGAIN.

(looks like I’m late to the party lol)

@ellette-giselle

I like the second version better, too, and the fountain/sword scene was funny! 😄

@rae

Two weeks sounds ok, I think I’m going to do this one. Tenz sounds fun.

@savannah_grace2009

Girl your suggestions were good, though! I haven’t done much research on starting off a book, so it sounds like you have more tools under your belt in that area than I do.

@trailblazer

Lol! XD

@ellette-giselle

Yeah, sorry if I went a little overboard on the critiques lol

I know I’m not the best at giving advice…sorry

@savannah_grace2009

Ok then. No worries. I’ll split it up. Right now this is just ideas. I mean, you guys are seeing this stuff literal the minute after a type the last word of the chapter. One I get farther into it I’ll have a more concrete setup.

@savannah_grace2009

*sighs in relief* Okay because I was panicking after I posted and then you posted that you really liked the fountain scene…I felt sooo bad lol

I think we were posting over each other… like I didn’t see your comments until after I posted.

@trailblazer

Yeah that’s basically what happened xD

glad I’m not the only one!