hybridlore

@theshadow

Ok, my essential thoughts: this is a dark world. I mean man, it’s dark, depraved, sick, evil, black, and desperate. it is ONLY because of God that there is any hope at all. I tend to write about a lot of dark stuff, i.e. persecution of the Christians in the roman times, child brainwashing in dystopian era, outlawing of Christianity,…[Read more]

@highscribeofaetherium Oh I haven’t heard that one p. I’ll have to listen to it later.
Umm I really like Hey, Runner!, Envy Green, and Blue Eyed Girl

@whalekeeper Nice pfp :]

Teleportation was the only part of Seb’s powers I felt like I understood, lol. What did he just do to Caly’s characters? I’m not sure I completely followed.

Lois 

He hesitated, fiddling with a pencil in one hand.

“…Sure,” he said finally.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. After art class is done?”

“Sounds good.”

“Thanks, Marce…[Read more]

@loopylin

*agonizes over question*

Mmm… I think it’s Big Sky, MT for me, but there are so many great ones it’s really hard to pick. I’ve never heard one of their songs I didn’t love. How about yours?

Aaand chapter ten. Now i gotta go! Enjoy!

 
Chapter 10
“God take my life
I offer myself to you now
And I shall everyday
Cherish your name

God, you use my hands
To help the people
And you use my feet
So that I may bring your words
God, you use my voice
So that I may praise you all the time
And you use my mouth
So that I may tell your words

You…[Read more]

@highscribeofaetherium Yes! I love their music! Do you have a favorite song?

I want to help a little bit more since you appreciated my help before! 😋 So I mostly had the same thoughts as Jonas. The greatest enjoyment I got from the prologue was the twist from ‘we’re doing this to save the baby’ to ‘what’s this baby doing here?’ That was great.

I only have a couple extra notes.

Please, Jesus, save my son, he begged, ref…

[Read more]

@savannah_grace2009

Aww that’s so sweet of you! 🥰 I’m honored to be called out in the acknowledgements, thank you so much!!

@theshadow

Note: There is no description in this one of the courtyard because the description would be in the chapter before.

 
Chapter 9
Julius pulled his cloak closer. It was nearing the end of summer, and the night air had a decided chill. It would be curfew soon, and Julius would have to hurry. He slipped through the gate and began his…[Read more]

@theshadow

The last scene was sooo cute, I liked it a lot! Also Julius’ internal dialogue and conflict was good.

I’m so glad. I pride myself with pulling off good wedding scenes. Good! I’m glad Julius’ internal struggle was good!

Ignatius, if you lay a finger on Marcus, it’s not ending well for you!

are you threatening my character? Isn’t Ign…[Read more]

Goodness! Cloaked Mystery is ON IT! It helps that there is more background to work off of knowing the other version of the story, but man! This is like professional editing! AWESOME JOB!

Teleportation is no longer something Seb can do. I realized it isn’t true to his character, more so when he gets older. Umm since he could teleport earlier in this roleplay, we can say he was given a 24 hour teleportation ability to get to the school. 👍

@theshadow

so, besides that, how was the chapter?

@trailblazer

Also, here’s the part you were jumping ahead on Trailblazer. Great minds think alike in the writing world I guess. lol.

@loopylin

Marcel

The other boy shrugged. “I don’t care as long as I’m not there for the romance part.”

@theshadow Note: Flavia is under developed as we discussed, and I plan on adding more about her in chapter 7

 
Chapter 8
Julius leaned his shoulder against the side of the window. He stared out into the garden below, thinking of all the days he and Marcus had spent there. They had grown up together, and had been friends from the day they met. The…[Read more]

@ellette-giselle

Hey, quit jumping ahead here! lol. would it interest you to know that Julius and a Praetorian may or may not be having a little conversation right now?

Haha okay I’ll be quiet and let them have their discussion XD

@theshadow

Ack, I thought you would say that. I’ve been thinking also of a way to develop a bit more with her. I’m kinda distracted with the other stuff going on and thought I would drop it for now and come back. after all, this is my very rough draft. But yes, she is under developed.

@trailblazer

And lastly, this is just an idea that popped…

[Read more]

@ellette-giselle

I agree with @theshadow, I would love to see more of how Marcus and Flavia’s relationship develops rather than just being told that it did. I also feel like I don’t know Flavia very well- I know you describe her when Marcus is thinking about her and talking to Caius, but I want to see it in her rather than just be told it about…[Read more]