Hannah Olsen

@dragon-snapper, I’m no expert when it comes to first sentences, but I know a good one when I see it. It’s a good thing the theme of the month for January is exactly this topic. I have a good feeling my fellow writing team members will have some articles just for this.

My favorite first sentence so far has to be from The Rise and Fall of Mount…[Read more]

@dragon-snapper Aha, but not anymore.

@dragon-snapper This isn’t my strength either, but getting the reader to ask a question is definitely a good idea. A lot of the time, writing instructors will tell you to start things off with a bang, but I’m not so sure about that. For myself, I’m neutral about bangs. I like the bang, but in other ways it seems just a little pushy and most of all…[Read more]

I only see one

@HowlingWolf Actually, we just had a thread about that recently. Hopefully you’ll find it helpful. https://kingdompen.org/forums/topic/little-peoples/

Hi Kenya! Yep. What the others said. The story concept is great, it’s just a question of how you’ll handle it.

@emma-flournoy Ok, how about this?

Matthew is sworn to avenge a murder. His dedication to his wronged family could bring him through any trial, but his youth and inexperience hold him back. Setting out to find new strength, he plummets into a tangled mess of desperate plots, tragedies, and the vague shrouds surrounding his destiny from a dying…[Read more]

@howlingwolf I concur with what @kate-flournoy said. I really do think this has potential.
Good luck with it 🙂

Heyyyy! Kenya! Nice to see you again! 😀
I think the story could have a lot of potential, but you’d need to think up a plot that would actually keep the story moving and make so many different children and families necessary. It doesn’t have to be complicated— it could be as simple as some bad-guy scientist trying to get them back, and their…[Read more]

@howlingwolf Hello, I don’t believe we have met before, I’m Christine, but you can call me Christi. I am one of the writing team interns here at KP. 🙂

Now, this is an interesting idea you have here, and it could be a cool premise, but it would need a lot of work as far as fleshing out the plot, characters, etc. It really depends on what your…[Read more]

Ok, let’s try this again.

“Matthew is sworn to avenge a murder. His dedication to his wronged family could bring him through any trial, but his youth and inexperience hold him back. Setting out to find new strength, he plummets into a tangled mess of desperate plots, tragedies, and the vague shrouds surrounding his destiny from a dying mentor’s v…[Read more]

@emma-flournoy, Yeah, it’s pretty strange, I’m definitely not ISTJ. But aside from my introvertedness, I am pretty much fully ESTJ 🙂 (especially when I am doing something I really enjoy.)

@i-j-anderson, you probably would enjoy this conversation. 😉

@daeus
Whoops! I was thinking of it as Matthew taking on the character Edwin Brook like Matthew fighting him or something. 🙂 LOL Now that you rewrote it, it does make sense. Nice work. I like the new and improved version. 😉 🙂 😉

@Daeus yes, I love it. I obviously know the story, which may or may not mess up my perspective, but it’s strong to me and makes me want to pick it up and read it… lots of questions.

Alright. Hopefully we’re good now. Can you find any way to improve it? Does it attract you? (why or why not?)

@leumeister @emma-flournoy @hope @kate-flournoy @perfectfifths @faithdk @jess @his-instrument @writefury @gretald @ingridrd @sarah-h @the-bean @mark-kamibaya @warrioroftherealm @hannah-c @ivy-rose @ethryndal @dragon-snapper @anne-swiftbla…[Read more]

@Daeus yes! Much better. The only thing that’s a little off is this sentence:

Setting out to find new strength, he plummets into struggles for survival, desperate plots, uncertainties, and the vague shadow surrounding his destiny from a dying mentor’s vision.

I think it’s just the ‘into struggles for survival’ part— maybe I’m being picky, b…[Read more]

@Daues yes! Much better. The only thing that’s a little off is this sentence:

Setting out to find new strength, he plummets into struggles for survival, desperate plots, uncertainties, and the vague shadow surrounding his destiny from a dying mentor’s vision.

I think it’s just the ‘into struggles for survival’ part— maybe I’m being picky, b…[Read more]

@ingridrd Matthew is Edwin Brook. Is it clearer in the second version, or is it still unclear?

@ingrid Matthew is Edwin Brook. Is it clearer in the second version, or is it still unclear?

@Daeus
I like the changes you made regarding the sentence structure that @kate-flournoy mentioned. Nice job. One other thing I noticed.

Returning to wreak his vengeance, Matthew takes on the character of the mysterious Edwin Brook. His wealth and power make his success almost certain, but strange events keep thwarting his every move.

I think…[Read more]