hanako

@ellette-giselle

Oops I forgot to mention that I deleted the scene with her not wanting to talk to the Great One…so now it’s just the scene with her and Lilitu pretending to be animals.

I really liked it so I put it into the “scene recycling bin” if I need it again, but for now it’s not in the draft.

I can’t wait for the 11th now to give all of you my thoughts! These are all so great!

@everyone

Sixth Chapter!!!

Chapter 6

A Voice

Lir stretched out as far as the eye could see-the crown jewel of Andromeda, the pride of the Pythonos.

Sef stood on the hilltop, overlooking the city, taking in the sights and smells as if she were starving, though she knew she’d never be able to partake in the beauty of it all.

Paynes w…[Read more]

@esther-c

I honestly don’t know XD

Here’s the link you can use (but there’s not a lot of “new chapters”…and the first couple “new” chapters need a lot of redoing, but you can read ahead if you want! Just keep in mind that if you critique them, I’ve seen a lot of the problems already. The new chapters I’m talking about are…[Read more]

@hybridlore

Aww tysm girl that means a lot!!!

And so true!!!!!!

@rae

I’d RP if anyone wanted to do something.

That reminds me @jonas @highscribeofaetherium @keilah-h

Are you guys still in this rp, or have you decided to drop out?

@calyhuge

Why is it every time I read one of your rps I laugh so hard that I start crying?

Also, i know some kids in class tripped my poor Chase twice, but I don’t think we’ve officially added any bullies. Though the math teacher…does she count?

Um, me, Whaley, Loopy’s taking a break, Esther, Sara, Freedom is currently not in any rps, Keilah…[Read more]

@ellette-giselle

“Nope, still not lost. Just temporarily misplaced the destination.”

“Left! Left! Left!…your other left!”

“Skilled enough to take it apart Patient enough to put it back together Smart enough to hide the extra parts when I’m done”

Three Krogen quotes right there! LOL Cgecko needs to see this!

Totally can see someone saying…[Read more]

@ellette-giselle

😀 XD

ooo the other boards look good too! The temporarily misplaced quote is funny XD

Oh that’s ok. I was more looking for general response as a reader, not so much critical  feedback as of yet. (though it’s always welcome.)

Ah, ok! 😀

@ellette-giselle

I think it’s good! Intriguing. I don’t really have any thoughts in a critical sense, and I’m not the best person to ask… but I do like it! The last part was pretty sad to read!

Ugh, I’m sorry that it took me a while to respond…😓😓

(also I love the board!)

@ellette-giselle

Wait really??!!!! I want to read that!!! I love capture scenes. Especial if the badguys are really mean and the hero still doesn’t lose his head. all though, from what I’ve seen of Nahim………

He does pretty well in the beginning, but then Vorgan uses Nahim’s greatest fear to break him. It’s the darkest hour in my book, and I haven’t…[Read more]

@rae

For one, these aren’t normal swords. For two, for most Realn it’s a matter of learning the skill and carrying one for sake of tradition. Some have ancient blades, but that’s rare. Nahim wears one (actually two right now) cuz his training master was Master Dare who was famous for saving the dragons from extinction and for his swordplay, and h…

[Read more]

@rae

Sorry, this is a bit late, but here’s a critique as requested.

The opponent blocked, swinging its second sword

I was a bit confused why you used ‘its’ as the pronoun here. After finishing the paragraph, I realized that it must be some sort of virtual opponent, but I did read over the sentence a couple times in confusion before reading on and…[Read more]

@highscribeofaetherium

@anyone else who’s read Nahim is bad at guns
I take it back!
So, I was doing some research stuff this afternoon, ya know, adding more suspicious stuff to my search history, and finally looked up how to correctly write a sword fight, cuz I’ve been avoiding those since I’m really bad at fight scenes. During my quest for…[Read more]

@highscribeofaetherium

One, Mandin said it would take Nahim several minutes to defeat an opponent with a sword. Exchanges with swords actually usually last for a handful of seconds.

I know that, you know that, Nahim knows that, but Mandin? Sure, he probably does, but he’s trying to make a point. He’s been attempting to get Nahim into guns for a…[Read more]

@rae

Oh, I also read your scene for Chase’s book. Don’t really have any comments, but I like it. Nice title, too.