Daniel Thompson

@dragon-snapper Aha, but not anymore.

@dragon-snapper This isn’t my strength either, but getting the reader to ask a question is definitely a good idea. A lot of the time, writing instructors will tell you to start things off with a bang, but I’m not so sure about that. For myself, I’m neutral about bangs. I like the bang, but in other ways it seems just a little pushy and most of all…[Read more]

I only see one

@HowlingWolf Actually, we just had a thread about that recently. Hopefully you’ll find it helpful. https://kingdompen.org/forums/topic/little-peoples/

Hi Kenya! Yep. What the others said. The story concept is great, it’s just a question of how you’ll handle it.

@emma-flournoy Ok, how about this?

Matthew is sworn to avenge a murder. His dedication to his wronged family could bring him through any trial, but his youth and inexperience hold him back. Setting out to find new strength, he plummets into a tangled mess of desperate plots, tragedies, and the vague shrouds surrounding his destiny from a dying…[Read more]

Ok, let’s try this again.

“Matthew is sworn to avenge a murder. His dedication to his wronged family could bring him through any trial, but his youth and inexperience hold him back. Setting out to find new strength, he plummets into a tangled mess of desperate plots, tragedies, and the vague shrouds surrounding his destiny from a dying mentor’s v…[Read more]

In a twist of fate, he is forced to confront everything he fights for shattered, everything he cherishes put to the test, and a long-concealed truth that will threaten his life.”

There is something not quite right with this. I like the last line about the long-concealed truth, but something doesn’t quite flow right with the sentence as a w…[Read more]

Alright. Hopefully we’re good now. Can you find any way to improve it? Does it attract you? (why or why not?)

@leumeister @emma-flournoy @hope @kate-flournoy @perfectfifths @faithdk @jess @his-instrument @writefury @gretald @ingridrd @sarah-h @the-bean @mark-kamibaya @warrioroftherealm @hannah-c @ivy-rose @ethryndal @dragon-snapper @anne-swiftbla…[Read more]

@ingridrd Matthew is Edwin Brook. Is it clearer in the second version, or is it still unclear?

@ingrid Matthew is Edwin Brook. Is it clearer in the second version, or is it still unclear?

@perfectfifths Tags. Yes, so they’re best for getting somebody’s attention who isn’t on here very often, getting someone’s attention if a question is time sensitive, or making sure a list of people see your post.

Okey dokey. So whatcha think of this?

“Matthew is sworn to avenge a murder. His dedication to his wronged family could bring him through any trial, but his youth and inexperience hold him back. Setting out to find new strength, he plummets into struggles for survival, desperate plots, uncertainties, and the vague shadow surrounding his destiny…[Read more]

I’d rate it at a 7 or 8. A few corrections:

but strange events keep thwarting his every move

The ‘keep thwarting’ is passive. It would be stronger if you change it to thwarts.

And, as some of the others mentioned, I’d switch out one of the ‘events’ for a diffrent word.

and even his own life is put at stake.

There’s nothing wrong with…[Read more]

Well, alright.

What? You go till ten and you’ve never told me? I’m having an existential crisis. Maybe I’ll have to do that occasionally… I like to read at night, but I should be writing more…

@kate-flournoy @anyone-else I’m gonna write tonight. Except, I’m gonna try to write a synopsis and I’m going till ten instead of nine.