Christine Eaton

@Daeus what, the one that goes ‘The songs of the dead are the lamentations of the living’ one? I’m not sure I remembered that right, but it was the best I could do on short notice… 😛

@Dragon-Snapper what they said— questions. Not necessarily something gaudy or high-tension— just questions.

@daeus Go to recent forum topics. There are two topics of this.

Ahh! How’d I make two of those? @daeus Are you able to delete the other one? 😛 Oops.

Ahh! How’d I make two of those? @daeus Are you able to delete the other one. 😛 Oops.

@daeus one last suggestion about the final sentence.

he is forced to confront everything he fights for shattered, everything he cherishes put to the test, and a long-hidden truth that will threaten his life.

I think that there should be a ‘being’ between ‘for’ and ‘shattered’. There needs to be some sort of verb there.

@HowlingWolf Well I wish I did, but I don’t write books so…no. 😛

@Daeus That’s great! One last thing I noticed is this though—the third and fourth sentence both have the same structure. The structure Kate pointed out. So maybe change one of them; I think it’d sound better. You cleared up any confusion though, and I love the last sentence.

@daeus One quick note, where you say’ discovering a historic treasure, Matthew returns…”
You spelled Matthew with one ‘t’.

Yep, concurrence here too. 😀 It would need some really good characterization work for the kids to keep me reading though—not just a bunch of toddlers who’re one dimensional…toddlers. 😛
Nice ta meet ya, btw! I know you from stalking but I don’t think you were present when I actually came on. *shakes your hand heartily*
@HowlingWolf

Yep, concurrence here too. 😀 It would need some really good characterization work for the kids to keep me reading though—not just a bunch of toddlers who’re one dimensional…toddlers. 😛
Nice ta meet ya, btw! I know you from stalking but I don’t think you were present when I actually came on. *shakes your hand heartily*

Heyyyy! Kenya! Nice to see you again! 😀
I think the story could have a lot of potential, but you’d need to think up a plot that would actually keep the story moving and make so many different children and families necessary. It doesn’t have to be complicated— it could be as simple as some bad-guy scientist trying to get them back, and their…[Read more]

@Daeus whoops, guess I took way too long writing out my post. I wrote that for the third one you posted, not this latest one.
I liked the third one’s last sentence better, with ‘confront’, not ‘endure’. It sounds better, cuz we don’t know he endures it—we just know he’s confronted with it.

@Daeus whoops, guess I took way too long writing out my post. I wrote that for the third one you posted, not this latest one.
I liked the third one’s last sentence better, with ‘confront’, not ‘endure’.

‘No time to say hello, goodbye! I’m late I’m late I’m late!’

I like this one best, especially the last sentence. Not that I don’t like The Count of Monte Cristo (I do 😉 ), but that last sentence makes it sound it’ll be a little less like the said classic. Yours has the same concept, but it makes it sound like it’ll end a bit differently.(As I…[Read more]

@Christi-Eaton Kewel. 😀

@Christi-Eaton ESTJs are amazing. 😀 Talk about getting things done! So the description of the ESTJ sounds more like you than the ISTJ, even though you’re introverted? Neato.

@Leumeister I thought it was cool. XD Any two types that have exactly opposite letters are polar opposites, at least in theory. So ENFP, ISTJ—both of those have…[Read more]

@daeus I really like this third version, but I still have a few battle-moves I like to use. 😛

First off, you say ‘vague shadows surrounding’. Well, my mind inserts the word ‘shrouds’ instead. I don’t know. I just think that word works better there.

Secondly, you say ‘wreak his vengeance’, it just doesn’t seem to fit. I start thinking ‘wreak…[Read more]