Hannah

  • Profile picture of Greta

    Greta replied to the topic Editing Advice (Poem) in the forum Poetry Critiques 10 years ago

    @overcomer
    I love the topic for the poem! Okay, you said you wanted feedback…so here comes some feedback. 😛

    ‘Till I am overcome
    By the multitude in my mind
    I am restless from

    I would rewrite the last line in this stanza. I know it’s hard (believe me, I know) when you’re trying to find rhymes, but I think a different rhyme with “overcome” w…[Read more]

  • Profile picture of Snapper

    Snapper changed their profile picture 10 years ago

    Snapper

    @dragon-snapper

    View Profile
  • Profile picture of Kate Flournoy

    Kate Flournoy replied to the topic Editing Advice (Poem) in the forum Poetry Critiques 10 years ago

    It’s a lovely poem, @Overcomer— great concept, nice dexterity with the words and such— I definitely think it has promise. The one thing I’m not getting though is a consistent sense of rhythm. I’ll be reading, and think I’ve got a rhythm, and then I keep reading and the very next sentence it’s disrupted. I get the impression there IS a rhythm…[Read more]

  • Profile picture of Kate Flournoy

    Kate Flournoy replied to the topic Editing Advice (Poem) in the forum Poetry Critiques 10 years ago

    It’s a lovely poem, @Overcomer— great concept, nice dexterity with the words and such— I definitely think it has promise. The one thing I’m not getting though is a consistent sense of rhythm. I’ll be reading, and think I’ve got a rhythm, and then I keep reading and the very next sentence it’s disrupted. I get the impression there IS a rhythm…[Read more]

  • Profile picture of Emma Flournoy

    Emma Flournoy replied to the topic Editing Advice (Poem) in the forum Poetry Critiques 10 years ago

    You tagged me, @Overcomer, but I think others will be better qualified to help you. Your assurance that I will not be sought vengeance on is greatly appreciated. 😀

    That’s a neat poem, though. 🙂 I especially love the first three lines.

  • Profile picture of Emma Flournoy

    Emma Flournoy replied to the topic Editing Advice (Poem) in the forum Poetry Critiques 10 years ago

    You tagged me, @Overcomer, but I think others will be better qualified to help you. Your assurance that I will not be sought vengeance on is greatly appreciated. 😀

    That’s a neat poem, though. 🙂

  • Profile picture of Mallory O'Bier

    Mallory O'Bier started the topic Editing Advice (Poem) in the forum Poetry Critiques 10 years ago

    Hey, 🙂

    So, I have this poem from last year that I know needs some work, (ahem, a lot) but before I hacked it to pieces I thought I would share it first and see what y’all think.

    Does it make any sense? Do you have any suggestions? Any ideas? Give me your harshest criticism! Hahaha! 😉 (Seriously, please do! And tell me if it’s terrible!…[Read more]

  • Profile picture of Mallory O'Bier

    Mallory O'Bier started the topic Editing Advice (Poem) in the forum Poetry Critiques 10 years ago

    Hey, 🙂

    So, I have this poem from last year that I know needs some work, (ahem, a lot) but before I hacked it to pieces I thought I would share it first and see what y’all think.

    Does it make any sense? Do you have any suggestions? Any ideas? Give me your harshest criticism! Hahaha! 😉 (Seriously, please do! And tell me if it’s terrible!…[Read more]

  • Profile picture of Mallory O'Bier

    Mallory O'Bier started the topic Editing Advice (Poem) in the forum Poetry Critiques 10 years ago

    Hey, 🙂

    So, I have this poem from last year that I know needs some work, (ahem, a lot) but before I hacked it to pieces I thought I would share it first and see what y’all think.

    Does it make any sense? Do you have any suggestions? Any ideas? Give me your harshest criticism! Hahaha! 😉 (Seriously, please do! And tell me if it’s terrible!…[Read more]

  • Profile picture of Mallory O'Bier

    Mallory O'Bier started the topic Editing Advice (Poem) in the forum Poetry Critiques 10 years ago

    Hey, 🙂

    So, I have this poem from last year that I know needs some work, (ahem, a lot) but before I hacked it to pieces I thought I would share it first and see what y’all think.

    Does it make any sense? Do you have any suggestions? Any ideas? Give me your harshest criticism! Hahaha! 😉 (Seriously, please do! And tell me if it’s terrible!…[Read more]

  • Profile picture of Mallory O'Bier

    Mallory O'Bier started the topic Editing Advice (Poem) in the forum Poetry Critiques 10 years ago

    Hey, 🙂

    So, I have this poem from last year that I know needs some work, (ahem, a lot) but before I hacked it to pieces I thought I would share it first and see what y’all think.

    Does it make any sense? Do you have any suggestions? Any ideas? Give me your harshest criticism! Hahaha! 😉 (Seriously, please do! And tell me if it’s terrible!…[Read more]

  • Profile picture of Mallory O'Bier

    Mallory O'Bier started the topic Editing Advice (Poem) in the forum Poetry Critiques 10 years ago

    Hey, 🙂

    So, I have this poem from last year that I know needs some work, (ahem, a lot) but before I hacked it to pieces I thought I would share it first and see what y’all think.

    Does it make any sense? Do you have any suggestions? Any ideas? Give me your harshest criticism! Hahaha! 😉 (Seriously, please do! And tell me if it’s terrible!…[Read more]

  • Profile picture of Mallory O'Bier

    Mallory O'Bier replied to the topic The Hobbit in the forum Book Discussions 10 years ago

    I love the opening too! Really the whole first paragraph is pure gold, but the first sentence hooked me. I’m pretty sure I held my breath when I read it the first time and every time since. I knew then and there that it was time to get comfy and settle in for a good story. (And I was prejudiced against it because I didn’t know what on earth a…[Read more]

  • Profile picture of Mallory O'Bier

    Mallory O'Bier replied to the topic The Next Book Choosing in the forum Book Discussions 10 years ago

    Yay me! 😀 😀 😀

  • Profile picture of BlueJay

    BlueJay replied to the topic The Next Book Choosing in the forum Book Discussions 10 years ago

    YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES!
    @overcomer We’ve a topic for this, so head on over and join in. We are studying the first two chapters. 🙂

  • Profile picture of BlueJay

    BlueJay replied to the topic The Next Book Choosing in the forum Book Discussions 10 years ago

    YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES!
    @overcomer We’ve a topic for this, so on over and join in. We are studying the first two chapters. 🙂

  • Profile picture of BlueJay

    BlueJay replied to the topic The Next Book Choosing in the forum Book Discussions 10 years ago

    YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES!
    @overcomer We’ve a topic for this, so on over and join in. We are studying the first two chapters. 🙂

  • Profile picture of Mallory O'Bier

    Mallory O'Bier replied to the topic The Next Book Choosing in the forum Book Discussions 10 years ago

    Is it too late to join? because I can’t resist. I love The Hobbit too much! Please say yes!!! @bluejay

  • Profile picture of BlueJay

    BlueJay replied to the topic The Sea in the forum Poetry Critiques 10 years ago

    @overcomer Thanks. I think I’ve changed “shiny” but I’ll go and check. 🙂

  • Profile picture of Mallory O'Bier

    Mallory O'Bier replied to the topic The Sea in the forum Poetry Critiques 10 years ago

    I like this too, @bluejay . 🙂 Cool poem!

    I agree with @jess about changing “shiny” though. It does stick out just a bit. “Clear” like she suggested might be nice.

    I don’t think I’d change anything else. Well done! 🙂

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