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@seekjustice Goodbye, and please treat your patients better than my doctors and nurses treat theirs! 😛
"Sylvester - Sylvester!"
Bye!
Obviously what I would do is not to make everything more realistic (that would defeat the point of the humour). But what I would do is give more characterisation to the doctors and nurses so that it is clear they are meant to be taken as a joke (frankly speaking, I wasn’t laughing at those parts because I was simply too stunned by the incompetence).
For example, instead of talking about the doctors and nurses as a nameless, faceless group that the reader feels no connection to, you can probably cut it down to maybe only one doctor and one nurse and develop them. The patient guy can read their names from their name tags (give them funny names, maybe using puns that indicates that these characters are incompetents) and give some details to describe their appearance to make them seem loony and bizarre. Then the reader has more connection to them as characters and derive more amusement from their antics.
@valtmy That’s an interesting idea. I don’t know that I would do it with this story. I’m more inclined to agree with @seekjustice that it’s a simple, slapstick story and doesn’t need depth to make sense, because it’s not supposed to make sense. 😉 However, right now I have one of you on either side, so I’ll just talk to a few other people and see what they say before making the decision. 😀
If I were to cut down the number of doctors and nurses I would lose a few of the jokes about the crowding and pushing, since none of those scenes would work with only one doctor and one nurse. I just don’t think what you’re saying goes with the spirit in which my story is intended.
It could just be that we have a different sense of humor. You like things more detailed and backstories for the characters with more complex plots for your comedies, and I prefer the spontaneous confusion, such as what I wrote here. I wonder if different senses of humor could have to do with the different countries we live in as well? I’m sure every country has it’s own style of jokes and humor. 😉
"Sylvester - Sylvester!"
That’s probably true. 😛
I actually think your piece will work well as a short film where you can see all the crowding and jostling and it’ll be funny to watch the overdramatic reactions that the incompetent doctors and nurses have. But just reading it as a story makes me go “Really? What kind of doctor/nurse will do that?” If it was a film, at least I will have a visual answer to that question.
@valtmy I was actually thinking the same thing!! I just don’t know how I would get it to be filmed. Maybe I’ll ask Leumeister if he’s interested. I think he sometimes does animation. What would you think of an animated short with my story as the voice-over and the animated characters acting it out?
"Sylvester - Sylvester!"
I am imagining the narration of the MC being in this very pompous tone of someone who thinks he is very smart but isn’t (I mean he doesn’t even know what a prosthetic is???). The doctor could be this nervous, stuttering geek and the nurse a brainless beauty with a flair for the dramatic. Not sure if that’s how you’re seeing it but it’s how I am.
@valtmy Haha! 😛 I think if it were animated a lot of those decisions would go to the animator. 😉 But I really like your descriptions of the characters! My MC definitely thinks he’s smart, but isn’t, and the way he describes the nurse as fainting like a Hollywood actress does give you the picture that she’s as you say, a “brainless beauty with a flair for the dramatic.” 😀
How’s your own work going?
"Sylvester - Sylvester!"
My own work is… 😅
By the way, I am still waiting for your feedback on my first three chapters. *hint, hint*
Haha it’s OK though. I know you’re busy with exams and I have to focus on what I’m currently working on now instead of getting distracted by my previous parts.
@valtmy 🙂 Okay, I’ll try to get to your chapters soon. Right now, though, I’ve got to go to sleep. 😀 I have completely disregarded Jen’s advice to go to bed early, but I definitely need to sleep now! 😛
See you later! Goodnight.
"Sylvester - Sylvester!"
( @Leumeister Oh, you’re so welcome. ;D I’m very glad it’s helping. ^_^)
@rochellaine @seekjustice @alia @kaya-young @skredder @catwing @daughteroftheking @dragon-snapper @dekreel I’m editing/rewriting/doing website stuffs! Anyone on?
I'm a Kapeefer 'TIL WE'RE OLD AND GREY!
www.jennaterese.com@jenwriter17 I’m here… 🙂
You’ll never guess what I’m working on, though. 😉 😛
"Sylvester - Sylvester!"
@rochellaine Awesome! I’m sipping sparkling strawberry lemonade 😛 (so. good.)
hmm….your western? 😉
I'm a Kapeefer 'TIL WE'RE OLD AND GREY!
www.jennaterese.com@jenwriter17 Hm, sounds interesting. I don’t know if I’d like it though. 😛
Nope! I’m actually finally writing fanfiction for Stars Fill Infinity!! 😀 😀 ( @seekjustice )
It looks like we need a new Writers’ Corner. We’re bouncing back from our posts again. 😉 You want to start one?
"Sylvester - Sylvester!"
@rochellaine writers’ corner is acting funny, so I’m gonna go ahead and start a new corner…
I'm a Kapeefer 'TIL WE'RE OLD AND GREY!
www.jennaterese.com
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