Would someone please tell me if these first chapters are too depressing?

[Hannah R.]

Okay, so the premise of the story is: There’s a murderer on the loose. Only one man knows where, exactly, this mystery criminal is, and he isn’t talking. It’s up to a young, poverty-stricken soldier, desperately trying to support his siblings, to find the murderer–purportedly a woman named Ileesa Talyntor. The good news is, the reward for catching Ileesa will sustain his family for years. The bad news is, the more he learns about the accused, the less he believes she’s guilty.

I wrote 80,000 words of this thing, then got sick of it for a while, and am just coming back to it now. It’s not nearly finished. But before I go on, I’m editing the beginning to make sure my plot line is consistent. Here’s my problem: the book starts out with a murder, a torture scene, and a description of a destitute family. Is anyone willing to read the first three or four chapters and tell me whether it’s too depressing? I don’t want readers to lose interest because it looks like everyone’s going to die at the end of chapter three. 🙂

Thanks!

YA Fantasy Writer
Obsessive Character Namer
Find me at hisinstrumentblog.wordpress.com

[Joy]

@his-instrument  I love the storyline!

It does sound kind of dark. Maybe you could like spread out the dark a little bit…?

Anyway, sure! I’ll read it. 🙂

Someone who has more experience with plot line might be of more use, though…

@daeus  @aratrea  @sam-kowal  @seekjustice  @jane-maree  @princessfoo  @introvert_girl

(P.S. This is completely off subject, but I’ve heard you like naming characters. FYI naming is one of my favorite things, too!!)

You can pronounce it however you want.

[Daeus]

@his-instrument I love the plot line.

I don’t know if I’ll be able to read the first chapters, but just some thoughts. I think you can set a tone in these first chapters that lets your reader know you’re not out to scare them. If you don’t get too graphic with the murder and torture scene and you give the reader one or two, morally good, hopeful people for the reader to sympathize with, they should be able to forgive depressing scenes, knowing that your goal is not to depress them with the book.

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[Josiah DeGraaf]

Identical thoughts to @daeus Good premise, and if the entire story isn’t going to be as dark in the first chapters, you just want to include enough glimpses of light to indicate that. I don’t personally have a problem with dark, depressing stories when there’s a point to them, but you don’t want to unintentionally indicate that’s the type of story this is if it isn’t actually that type of story.

Editor-in-Chief Emeritus. Guiding authors at Story Embers.

[introvert_girl]

@his-instrument My thoughts are that in the opening chapters, you want to be intentional about showing the reader what the tone of your story is, so they know what to expect. If the dark/sad elements in the beginning are conveying that, it may not be a problem. Unless you just want the story to be lighter in tone overall. In that case, I find the biggest factor in shifting a story’s tone is the cast of characters, especially any narrators you have. The way they see the world, what they allow into their thoughts, their sense of hope or hopelessness can really effect how the story is fed to the audience.
Unfortunately, I just don’t have the time right now to commit to reading any of your story. But it sounds really interesting, and I wish I was able! I hope you figure this out. Tone is something I wrestle with a lot in my own writing.

And he said unto her, Daughter, thy faith hath made thee whole; go in peace.

[Emma Flournoy]

@His-Instrument What they said. Exactly. 😉 If you still want someone to read the first few chapters, I could probably do that. If you still think it’s necessary. The premise really interests me at least, and I know already I wouldn’t put a book down just after that.

[Sam Kowal]

@his-instrument I would be willing to read them, if you still need someone to
That storyline sounds really interesting, 😀 by the way.
The main point is, you don’t want to mislead the reader with a super dark ending and then have them confused and probably annoyed when the entire story switches tone. So if the entire story isn’t meant to be dark, maybe just skim the dark elements of the opening- describe them, but don’t make them a focus point. Basically, that’s what Daeus and Josiah said, and I don’t have more to add beyond that

*Giarstanornarak tries to melt chair*
Also, Daeus has 22 turtles in his signature.

[Daeus]

@his-instrument Another option is to add in an extra prologue or chapter in the beginning that has a very different tone just to give the reader something positive to latch onto.

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[Hannah R.]

Thanks everybody. The overall tone of the story is somewhat dark– think Lord of the Rings— but it’s about finding hope in the midst of darkness and strength in the midst of persecution, so from the beginning I’ve tried to show admirable qualities in the story’s protagonists, in hopes that the depressing circumstances will draw readers to the protagonist even more.

@sam-kowal @emma-flournoy (and anyone else who’s interested), this link will take you to the contact page of my website, and you can give me your email address there. I’ll send the chapters to you as soon as I have your email.

https://hisinstrumentblog.wordpress.com/contact/

YA Fantasy Writer
Obsessive Character Namer
Find me at hisinstrumentblog.wordpress.com

[Emma Flournoy]

@His-Instrument Got it.

[Author]

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