- This topic has 477 replies, 8 voices, and was last updated 1 day, 1 hour ago by
.
-
Posts
-
Sooo, I’ll have to see what you think, but I’ve been told by my beta readers that the first half of the book is about the situation Aaron is in, and the second half is about HIM personally. The first half sets the stage, the second half goes deep into the character. so, You’ll have to tell me what you think.
Personally, I don’t agree with this. If I don’t see the character, I am not interested in the book.
You could have a HORRIBLE plot, but I’d still love your book because of the character. You need to show us the true Aaron from the second we start reading to grab our interest.
You can’t set the stage without the character, because no one wants to even look at the stage without the character that’s on the stage. Characters drive the story. You could have a great plot, but if the characters are bland and I don’t get to see the color until the second half of the book, it’s not worth it to me.
I don’t think you should split the book in two. Combine the two. I want to go on a journey with Aaron, but I can’t get the emotional connection to him unless I know him, and right now I don’t really know the real Aaron. I know how others see him, and I only know what he tells others; I don’t know who he is. I don’t want to have to read half a book just to see the real Aaron, I want to see him grow, change, develop into a better person by the end. I can’t see the change unless I see the real Aaron at the beginning.
Does that make sense?
Lukas&Livia
#Lalbert
Sef&Chase
#HOTTOLINE
LEFSE FOREVER!!!!!! <333You guys…I need to have “Does that make sense?” as my signature XD XD
Lukas&Livia
#Lalbert
Sef&Chase
#HOTTOLINE
LEFSE FOREVER!!!!!! <333Is Aaron really bland? I thought he had a lot of character…….
Riker dropped his voice to a soft whisper. “…I’m home.”
I wouldn’t say bland . Bland is too extreme for Aaron.
I just can’t see much of his character right now.
Lukas&Livia
#Lalbert
Sef&Chase
#HOTTOLINE
LEFSE FOREVER!!!!!! <333h ttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B7X_-GIL5hU&t=780s
Watch this video. It really helped me develop characters!
Lukas&Livia
#Lalbert
Sef&Chase
#HOTTOLINE
LEFSE FOREVER!!!!!! <333*crying* “my poor unloved character!!!!” (just joking!!!)
OK, I’ll take a look. Thanks!
btw, if all you want is to see Aaron cry, you’ll get your wish soon enough. hahaha
Riker dropped his voice to a soft whisper. “…I’m home.”
I’m not attacking Aaron, I promise! That probably won’t convince you, I know how it is with your baby characters…but just know I’m only trying to help XD I love him! I just think he has so much more potential and can be even better!!!
It’s not just him crying…it’s really knowing him and having an intimate emotional connection with him that I’m not getting right now.
Don’t worry, i struggle a LOT with character development too! but that video helped me a lot (and so did praying about it!). I still don’t know what I’m doing half the time lol
Lukas&Livia
#Lalbert
Sef&Chase
#HOTTOLINE
LEFSE FOREVER!!!!!! <333Hey Ellette! I read through all the scenes so far, and although I’m not going to do a scene-by-scene critique, I can give you overall thoughts. Please read this with a grain of salt! 😅
I like the Crusades-ish concept, where different people are invading Ardenta partially to spread their own belief system. It makes Aaron look like a go-between and thus a naturally protagonistic character. Ardenta also intrigued me in the prologue.
My favorite character is Sabina. She is snappy and mean, and I love that. 😂 10/10 entertaining, great personality. I also feel sorry for her. It makes sense that she’s angry with Turin. Girl needs her own space.
Personally I agree with Sara about Aaron. He feels very saint-like, especially in the second scene where he’s talking to Peter. He also immediately pushes his beliefs on Turin without making room for a positive relationship first. I would not be happy if someone was staying in my house and decided to convert me before even getting to know me.
It’s kind of the same problem with Turin? He becomes Christian and switches personality without any prior development. Suddenly he is selfless for Aaron, even against his own people. He starts sharing his testimony with the townsfolk and… idk, it felt off?
Even though I see these things as potential flaws, the story just unequivocally supports Aaron’s goals because he is Christian. I don’t want to read about him because he’s religiously correct. I want to read about him because he might have unique/intriguing values as his own person.
If you want to change this, Aaron can learn a specific value throughout the story. Something like peacefulness, content, or perseverance – something he is naturally bad at. The story can focus less on conversion, and more on learning the hard way and developing character.
On a different note. You are a quick writer who actually sounds super coherent within these scenes instead of going down random plot threads. Most of us don’t have that skill, so kudos to you! You wouldn’t have any trouble working on a time crunch 👍
“Everything is a mountain”
@savannah_grace2009 @whalekeeper (thanks for taking a look at this!!)
oh nooooo!! Say it isn’t so!! @linus-smallprint You are my only hope! Tell me Aaron isn’t that bad!! 😭 😭
ok, I’m overreacting. But….. Aaron is my favorite character of all time, and I have written 63 full length novels and countless short stories… so that’s saying a lot. I love Aaron so much!! He is my secret big brother, and now he’s under attack!! Ok, I will try to take into consideration what you two have been saying. It’s going to be hard, especially since he’s perfect in my mind, so it’ll be tough to figure out how to improve him. I may need to wait until y’all have read the whole thing and then ask how I can strengthen his character. 🤷♀️
I like the Crusades-ish concept, where different people are invading Ardenta partially to spread their own belief system.
well, that isn’t quite it. The Empire is doing it to gain more land. If you take a look at the map, taking over Ardenta closes their border really neatly. However, if they do take over, be sure their religion will become involved.
im glad you like it though!!My favorite character is Sabina. She is snappy and mean, and I love that. 😂 10/10 entertaining, great personality. I also feel sorry for her. It makes sense that she’s angry with Turin. Girl needs her own space.
🥰
Suddenly he is selfless for Aaron, even against his own people.
ok, kinda. He is Fiercely loyal. So, he and Aaron are friends, but Turin is also taking the fact that they are brothers in Christ quite seriously. He also is prone to violence. With all that combined, I think the scene makes plenty of sense.
If you want to change this, Aaron can learn a specific value throughout the story.
well, he does. His weakness is fear of the unseen and losing control. He is going to be thrown into situations he really doesn’t like and has absolutely no control over. He’s going to have to trust God on this, and it’s going to be hard.
On a different note. You are a quick writer who actually sounds super coherent within these scenes instead of going down random plot threads. Most of us don’t have that skill, so kudos to you! You wouldn’t have any trouble working on a time crunch 👍
aw, thank you!! That makes me feel so happy!! 🥹
Ok, so I’ve been hiding Let There Be Light from people like y’all, because I couldn’t bare to have Aaron criticized. However, I know I need to get over that or else no one will ever be able to enjoy the story….. and my editor will crush me!! So, I’m sorry if I’m acting a little like Turin about all this. Lol.
im sure y’all understand. Thank you so much for telling me all this instead of petting me and saying it’s perfect. I know it isnt.
Riker dropped his voice to a soft whisper. “…I’m home.”
oh nooooo!! Say it isn’t so!!
I’m sorry 😭😕
I love Aaron so much!! He is my secret big brother, and now he’s under attack!! Ok, I will try to take into consideration what you two have been saying. It’s going to be hard, especially since he’s perfect in my mind, so it’ll be tough to figure out how to improve him.
It might be that you are so used to picturing Aaron’s personality, that your sub-conscience assumes Aaron is known, and thus forgets to describe him.
…That sounds contrived, but I do it all the time. XDXD Especially in essays. I always forget to include a narratio/topic explanation.
and I have written 63 full length novels and countless short stories…
Woah, slow down. Are you sure these are novels or novellas? The minimum length for novels these days is 50k words. Average length is 80k. That many novellas is still impressive, I’m just checking.
I may need to wait until y’all have read the whole thing and then ask how I can strengthen his character. 🤷♀️
Sure thing!
The Empire is doing it to gain more land. If you take a look at the map, taking over Ardenta closes their border really neatly. However, if they do take over, be sure their religion will become involved. im glad you like it though!!
Yep, that works!
ok, kinda. He is Fiercely loyal. So, he and Aaron are friends, but Turin is also taking the fact that they are brothers in Christ quite seriously. He also is prone to violence. With all that combined, I think the scene makes plenty of sense.
The fiercely loyal bit is what I find unnatural. He only met Aaron a week ago, and up till the point when he got converted, he didn’t seem have any emotional connection with Aaron.
From what I can tell when he is first introduced, he is a tough dude. It should take a long time to get through to him. But he becomes almost immediately open.
To apply it to real life, if I was a tough gal. Even if I really liked a new friend of mine, I would not shift my viewpoint to accept them and reject my own family to push forward my friend’s beliefs.
Maybe you can give them more time to develop a friendship?
well, he does. His weakness is fear of the unseen and losing control.
That works great for him. Does this flaw show up later in the story?
aw, thank you!! That makes me feel so happy!! 🥹
Ofc!!
im sure y’all understand. Thank you so much for telling me all this instead of petting me and saying it’s perfect. I know it isnt.
It’s okay! Literally every famous novel needs editing/feedback before it’s considered fit to publish. I once watched a video of a famous author who explained how his readers roasted him over a tangled subplot. (He fixed it, but I can still see the hesitance in the published version, lol.) It’s all a process and no one can do it perfectly.
“Everything is a mountain”
Sorry Sara, I tagged you in the above message instead of Ellette. So if you get an extra notif, that’s why. 😅
“Everything is a mountain”
My goodness Whaley!!! You put into coherent thoughts what I’ve been trying to say this whole time XD XD I wish I could convey my thoughts as well as you lol!
I have written 63 full length novels and countless short stories… so that’s saying a lot
HOW. LITERALLY HOW. I haven’t even written ONE full novel. I’ve only written ONE complete short story. No matter HOW HARD I plot I can’t ever write that much!
he’s under attack!
He’s not under attack 😂😂 even though it feels like it, we’re just trying to make a great character into a greater one! And Aaron’s not that bad. (though it does surprise me that Aaron’s your favorite…WHAT ABOUT SABINA?!?!?!) Don’t worry, you’re a very capable writer and I know you’ll do great with this story!
ok, kinda. He is Fiercely loyal. So, he and Aaron are friends, but Turin is also taking the fact that they are brothers in Christ quite seriously. He also is prone to violence. With all that combined, I think the scene makes plenty of sense.
I agree with Whaley…I think Turin’s TOO loyal, especially after only knowing Aaron for a day. Especially against his own blood, Sabina…like I think he should at least have SOME doubts about Aaron. He believes it too quickly…I know people can accept Christ quickly but I think that it’s a little unrealistic (and not a very satisfying book…because the only way to keep readers reading your book is INTERNAL CONFLICT (check out more of Abbie Emmons’ videos…you’ll see what I mean!!)). I want to see good against evil, the internal struggle, and I’m just not getting that right now.
well, he does. His weakness is fear of the unseen and losing control. He is going to be thrown into situations he really doesn’t like and has absolutely no control over. He’s going to have to trust God on this, and it’s going to be hard.
The problem is he doesn’t display his fears and flaws. He admits them to other people, but that’s the only way we see Aaron. I want to see his thoughts, and the true Aaron, and really know him. I just kind of feel like he’s a stranger at this point, even though I’ve been this far with him.
Ok, so I’ve been hiding Let There Be Light from people like y’all, because I couldn’t bare to have Aaron criticized. However, I know I need to get over that or else no one will ever be able to enjoy the story….. and my editor will crush me!! So, I’m sorry if I’m acting a little like Turin about all this. Lol.
Ellette…you don’t EVER need to be scared of getting critiques (or ashamed when you do!) because literally everyone goes through the exact same thing. Your characters are a part of you. They basically ARE you. And when you get criticized, it HURTS.
Lately I’ve been feeling awful about my own book…I don’t understand why I can’t write scenes super fast like you (I’m kinda jealous!!!) and I’ve been really self-evaluating and feeling super down and like I shouldn’t be writing it.
So you’re not alone!!!!! You got this girl!!! 💪💪
Lukas&Livia
#Lalbert
Sef&Chase
#HOTTOLINE
LEFSE FOREVER!!!!!! <333My goodness Whaley!!! You put into coherent thoughts what I’ve been trying to say this whole time XD XD I wish I could convey my thoughts as well as you lol!
No prob! And no bad thoughts from you about yourself!! I only convey thoughts well through journaling/writing :] Trust me, if you knew me irl, I am quite slow with my thoughts and it takes forever for me to communicate ;P But thank you for the compliment!
“Everything is a mountain”
It might be that you are so used to picturing Aaron’s personality, that your sub-conscience assumes Aaron is known, and thus forgets to describe him.
YES THAT’S WHAT I WAS WONDERING TOO OH MY GOODNESS! I also relate to that XD
The fiercely loyal bit is what I find unnatural. He only met Aaron a week ago, and up till the point when he got converted, he didn’t seem have any emotional connection with Aaron.
I 300% agree with what Whaley said.
I also think your plot may be moving a bit too fast. Like, I feel disoriented because one second Aaron and Turin are distant and then basically the next scene says “it had been a couple weeks and now they’re besties! And now Aaron’s besties with the whole village!”
I want to SEE the process, not just be told about it. I want to actually be shown what happens, not just hear about it after the fact. I want to see his struggles to fit in and his struggles of finding his place in a new society.
Lukas&Livia
#Lalbert
Sef&Chase
#HOTTOLINE
LEFSE FOREVER!!!!!! <333Funny you should mention it because I just had a complete mental breakdown…
A social situation didn’t go very well and I got some super bad thoughts about myself and was beating myself up BIG TIME cuz I feel like I blew one of my only chances to get into a friend group. UGH.
*wipes away the last of the tears and tries to stop ugly crying*
BUT SARA IS FINE.
*sniffs more tears away* FINE.
heh…heh…
Lukas&Livia
#Lalbert
Sef&Chase
#HOTTOLINE
LEFSE FOREVER!!!!!! <333
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.