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@savannah_grace2009 @linus-smallprint @theshadow
here’s the next part. It’s a little short.
Aaron gently laid a sleeping child on the grass. He had carried the boy since late afternoon, and now the sun had long since set. People were gathering in little groups on the grass, and a few small fires soon sprang up. Aaron slowly rose and eased his shoulders back, trying to relieve his aching arms. The boy’s mother thanked Aaron and offered to share some of the food she had brought. Aaron told her he had some of his own, and cautioned her to use what she had sparingly.
Aaron moved away and sat down in the grass. He opened his satchel and pulled out a piece of bread and dried meat from the supplies Turin had given him. Several people had already eaten and were curled up asleep in the grass. One young man came up to Aaron and stood in front of him, shifting from one foot to the other.
Aaron glanced up at him. “Hello Andrew, how are you doing?” he asked, motioning to the ground beside him.
Andrew sat down. He was a few years younger then Aaron, but he was just as tall. He shoved a wave of black hair from his eyes and stared at the ground. “Aaron, why is this happening?”
“I don’t know Andrew, and I won’t pretend I do. But, I know that God knows, and He will never leave us. That is enough,” replied Aaron.
“Really?” asked Andrew, studying Aaron’s face. “Is that really enough for you? You don’t care what happens?”
Aaron smiled sadly. “I want it to be enough, and sometimes it is. But, sometimes I doubt and try to figure things out on my own. Then, when I can’t figure things out, I get frustrated and scared. I have to pray a lot about it, because I often forget God is in control. When I go my own way and try to change or figure out my future, things get messed up really fast. Then I realize I’ve made the same mistake again, and I have to ask God to help me get out of the mess I have gotten myself into. If only I would trust him completely, I would be much better off. I’m stubborn though, and prideful. I don’t want to wait on God, and I hate feeling helpless. I feel like I can do it better. At least if I’m doing something, I don’t feel helpless. You know?”
Andrew nodded.
“This is one of my many faults, and I pray daily that God will help me to gain the victory over it. God is always with us, and He’ll help us even when we forget to ask. I never really used to doubt before, but I have never been in situations that really tried my strength and put my faith to the test. I’m realizing now how much I still have to learn. It’s a lot harder to trust God in times like this, but it is in these times that we must trust Him. We cannot save ourselves.”
As Aaron was speaking, others had drawn near and were now sitting around him and Andrew. Aaron smiled at them, and then turned back to Andrew. I memorized a passage of Psalms a while ago, and it has always helped me. Psalm forty-six, this is what it says; ‘God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth gives way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging. There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God, the holy place where the Most High dwells. God is within her, she will not fall; God will help her at break of day. Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall; He lifts His voice, the earth melts. The Lord Almighty is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress. Come and see what the Lord has done, the desolations He has brought on the earth. He makes wars cease to the ends of the earth. He breaks the bow and shatters the spear; He burns the shields with fire. He says, “Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.” The Lord Almighty is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress.’”
“Will He?” asked one girl. “Will He make wars to cease to the ends of the earth? Will he brake the bow, shatter the spear and burn the shield?”
Aaron looked at those who had gathered around him and were listening intently. “Yes. Someday all wars will end and there will be peace. As Isaiah 2:4 says; ‘He shall judge between the nations, and shall decide disputes for many peoples; and they shall beat their swords into plowshares, and their spears into pruning hooks; nation shall not lift up sword against nation, neither shall they learn war anymore.’ One day, we will have peace, but whether that day is soon or far away, God will always be with us.”
A young man stood from one of the fires and came over to join them. “Aaron, I have something to ask you.”
“Go ahead, Noah,” encouraged Aaron.
“Darrien and I brought this with us. Would you be able to help us work on it when time allows?” Noah stepped through the seated group and came to Aaron, handing him a wooden box.
Aaron opened it and caught his breath. “Well done boys!” he exclaimed. Inside, lay Old Man Simon’s Bible and the completed copy of the New Testament.
“We want to make copies of the New Testament for everyone, but there isn’t enough paper and ink with us right now. We were going to start on the Old Testament, but there isn’t enough for that either. What should we copy down first?” asked Darrien, coming to join them.
“There is no one part of the Bible that is more important then another,” began Aaron. “With that being said… What if you worked on the Psalms of David? They are poetical and easy to memorize, and they deal with so much. David must have gone through everything, for I can never read the psalms without finding something that seems to mirror how I feel at that moment.”
“We’ll do it. I’ll tell the others,” exclaimed Noah eagerly.
“Don’t stay up too late,” warned Aaron. “We still have a long ways to travel.”
“We’ll take first watch,” said Darrien. “I can’t sleep anyways, I’m not tired anymore now that we have this to do.”
The two boys hurried off and Aaron turned to the rest gathered there. “Lets all get some sleep. Like I told the boys, there is still a long way to go.”
Riker dropped his voice to a soft whisper. “…I’m home.”
YUCK!!! You sir, do not pay attention to descriptions!!!! A full beard! UGH! No! He’s nineteen or twenty!
If you think that’s bad, wait until you hear how I butcher the pronunciation of names! (Although I think I can pronounce your characters’ names fine. If I butcher ‘Aaron’, you have reason to worry.)
Yeah, I think I may be minorly dyslexic. While I get the main gist of a story, I sometimes miss the little facts, unless I crack down on myself to really pay attention. It is one reason why I like to see illustrations of characters, to set me right on a few things, so thank you for sharing yours!
I did read the latest, and I like this section. It is good to see that Aaron is letting others in on his weaknesses instead of trying to bear it all himself. I know his doubts about God being in control have been mentioned earlier, but he somehow seems more human and relatable when he confesses these doubts out loud (even if that is an action that takes humility).
It is good to see that Aaron is letting others in on his weaknesses instead of trying to bear it all himself. I know his doubts about God being in control have been mentioned earlier, but he somehow seems more human and relatable when he confesses these doubts out loud (even if that is an action that takes humility).
I’m glad! Yes, he has a hard time with that. (I think we all can struggle with that at times) It is good of him to tell the others, and I think it honestly helps them. Now the villagers know that he is not perfect.
If you think that’s bad, wait until you hear how I butcher the pronunciation of names!
Oh man, have I got some embarrassing stories about that! lol. I am horrid at names!
I wouldn’t have minded….. except I have a thing for young guys having facial hair. They can’t really do it well, and I don’t like it. At all.
It is one reason why I like to see illustrations of characters, to set me right on a few things, so thank you for sharing yours!
Uh… haha….. I’m actully furiously re-drawing them all over here. I’ll post some REAL ones in a little bit.
Now I’ll go fetch the next section.
Riker dropped his voice to a soft whisper. “…I’m home.”
@savannah_grace2009 @linus-smallprint @theshadow
This part is a little short, but if I get a reply today before noon then I’ll send another.
The sun was high in the sky, shining down on the weary travelers as they trudged along the dusty road. The question ‘how much longer’ had been asked multiple times by every child and they were all hot and tired of walking. Aaron knew they needed something to lift their spirits and he tried to remember what he liked to do to help time pass. “Father help me to––” before the murmured words were half way from his mouth, he knew. “Listen up!” he called.
People glanced back or hurried forward, eager to hear what he had to say.
“I know of a way to pass the time,” explained Aaron. “I’ll teach you a hymn. What better way to pass time then by learning something new, especially if it’s praise to God?”
“Let’s try it,” Turin agreed, eagerly.
“What does everyone think?” asked Aaron, turning in a slow circle as he spoke, so as to see them all. There were plenty of nods and eager urging. “Go on Aaron, teach us!” called one of the Village Headman’s daughters.
Aaron paused a moment to think. Then he smiled. “I know, it’s a hymn that was written very recently. It has wonderful lyrics, especially for us right now.” Aaron hummed to himself a moment to get the tune, and then in a loud, clear voice sang the first verse “‘A mighty fortress is our God, a bulwark never failing / Our Helper, He amid the flood of mortal ills prevailing / For still our ancient foe doth seek to work us woe / His craft and power are great and armed with cruel hate / On earth is not his equal’” Aaron paused to catch his breath, and then spoke. “That’s the first verse, let’s see how long it takes to learn. When we have it down, I’ll give you the second.”
By the end of the day, they had learned two hymns and sung them over and over, their spirits lifting as they praised their Heavenly King.
Two more days passed, and during the time the group learned many more songs, memorized passages and stories from the Bible, and listened as Aaron explained things from the Scripture to them.
Welcome indeed was the cry “There’s the city!” that was passed down through the line by the boys who had run ahead.
The weary company soon arrived and found the great city bustling with noise, excitement and people. Aaron was overwhelmed as he was hit by the full force of a city preparing for segue. Trying not to get crushed by the press of the crowd around them, Aaron barely glimpse the headman talking with a soldier. Aaron leaned close to Turin and shouted to be heard above the noise. “What’s going on?”
“That’s one of the Capital guards!” exclaimed Turin. “I never thought to see one in my life!”
Aaron looked back at the soldier. He wore black leather boots, black pants and a black tunic that was belted at the waist. Thick leather vest covered his chest, back, and shoulders, and he had a sword at his side. Aaron didn’t see anything very impressive about him–– aside from his height–– but Turin was acting as though he was a knight in shining armor.
Turin grabbed Aaron’s arm. “Come on! Let’s get closer!”
The two pushed their way through the crowd and were just in time to hear the man call fr another soldier. He was dressed the same as Turin, and must have been a refugee. The new soldier saluted the guard and then motioned for the villagers to follow him.
The soldier led the band through the crowded streets and down several alleys to a large stone building and stopped. “You may have this for your entire village. I’m afraid it isn’t much, but there are survivors pouring through the gates every day. You’ll be luck to not be on the street.”
The Village Headman, Aaron, Turin and a few others took a look at the building. It wasn’t large, but they would be able to make room. “We’ll give the smallest room to the single young men, and the next smallest to the single young woman. The rest of the rooms can be shared by the families,” decided the Headman.
When they came back outside, Aaron found several of the children were crying from hunger and weariness. He and the other young men spread out to help the largest families.
As he was carrying a crying child up the steps to the door, Aaron glanced over and saw Sabina. She was sitting on the ground with a little girl in her lap, and two little boys leaning their weary heads against her. Aaron heard a faint whisper of the lullaby she was singing softly to them.
The families were soon settled in their own rooms, and the single young men and women went to theirs. There were not many singles, and Aaron found he would only be sharing a room with Turin, Noah and Darrien. Sabina went with the only three single girls from the village in the other room.
As he and Turin watched them go, Aaron leaned toward his friend. “Your sister has a gentle side after all.”
“Give her a child and she’s a new person altogether,” chuckled Turin.
Riker dropped his voice to a soft whisper. “…I’m home.”
Sabina has brown hair, her brother has black. She is only 16 at this point.
WHAT?!?!
I thought she had dark hair, eyes, and tan skin! And I thought she was at LEAST 22!!!!!!!!!!!
Lukas&Livia
#Lalbert
Sef&Chase
#HOTTOLINE
LEFSE FOREVER!!!!!! <333@ellette-giselle @linus-smallprint
YUCK!!! You sir, do not pay attention to descriptions!!!! A full beard! UGH! No! He’s nineteen or twenty!
Ummm …I seriously thought that he’d have a beard and be in his twenties/thirties!
And I thought Aaron was even older!
I mean, I still consider late twenties/early thirties to be a young man…so you might need to be more clearer. Turin’s practically a teenager!
Lukas&Livia
#Lalbert
Sef&Chase
#HOTTOLINE
LEFSE FOREVER!!!!!! <333I wouldn’t have minded….. except I have a thing for young guys having facial hair. They can’t really do it well, and I don’t like it. At all.
Oh. Then you better not come to my highschool or the schools in my area..there’s like 15 year olds with beards and moustaches and sideburns. #scarred-for-life
Lukas&Livia
#Lalbert
Sef&Chase
#HOTTOLINE
LEFSE FOREVER!!!!!! <333I have a few thoughts.
“Sabina,” called Turin. “Come down, we have to go.”
Sabina deliberately turned away.
“Sabina come,” commanded Turin, firmly.
She did not move.
Turin’s eyes narrowed. “Why you little–– Sabina! You get down here right this instant! Get down or I’ll––”
This scene felt a little off. He went from being minorly annoyed to threatening his sister. I understand he has a temper, but you need to either make Sabina do something more infuriating than simply not moving and turning away, or draw this out more, because it’s disorienting and a bit unrealistic. (As someone who used to have a temper, this is moving too quickly. For me, it took more going back and forth for me to get to the point where Turin’s at now. It should normally take multiple “Sabina, come down right now!”s for him to get this angry.) At least, that’s my opinion.
Another critique is the fact that this is a fantasy in a different world. (I don’t know if this is actually the genre you as the author consider this, but that’s the impression I got.)
Had you not said that this was in a different world, we would have all assumed it was on Earth. The hymn, the Bible, and the same names for God don’t give “fantasy vibes” at all. It feels like a story that takes place on Earth–not just one that could happen here, but one that does happen here.
I would suggest setting this story on Earth. You can still keep the country names, it can just be an alternate reality of Earth where there used to be countries with those names. Your world and ours are too similar.
This setting doesn’t feel very medieval, either. It feels like it could be more like 19th or 20th century. Either that, or the same setting as your Roman story (I forgot what it’s called, sorry!) that I critiqued before.
If I am correctly understanding this, both Aaron and Turin have issues with temper.
Aaron used to have a temper in the beginning of the book, but now he doesn’t, and Turin does instead. Just because you become a Christian doesn’t mean it fixes your temper, so I think you should bring out Aaron’s temper even more. Even with him admitting his doubts, he still seems a little too perfect to be a relatable character.
And if Turin is supposed to have a temper problem, you only really need to show that struggle with one character. Are there other flaws Turin has besides a temper that you could bring out more?
Also, how long is this novel supposed to be? Is it the same length as the last one I critiqued? Or is it longer, like a 400 page one?
But other than this, you are doing great, and this story has great potential! Keep it up Ellette!
@linus-smallprint do you as a reader agree? or am I wayyy far off and being ridiculous with my critiquing? I get paranoid XD XDLukas&Livia
#Lalbert
Sef&Chase
#HOTTOLINE
LEFSE FOREVER!!!!!! <333Oh my goodness YOU GUYS!!!
OK, in the begining I said that Aaron was 18!! Turin was a year or two older Sabina was 16! Does that fix it???
I would suggest setting this story on Earth. You can still keep the country names, it can just be an alternate reality of Earth where there used to be countries with those names. Your world and ours are too similar.
But that’s what it is…….
Aaron used to have a temper in the beginning of the book, but now he doesn’t, and Turin does instead. Just because you become a Christian doesn’t mean it fixes your temper, so I think you should bring out Aaron’s temper even more. Even with him admitting his doubts, he still seems a little too perfect to be a relatable character.
Aaron had a temper? I don’t think so…….. Aaron’s weakness is doubt and fear of the future. Turin is the one with the temper. Aaron can get frustrated at times, especially when he’s hot, tired, sore, and hungry, but I think any of us could. He does not have a temper.
This scene felt a little off. He went from being minorly annoyed to threatening his sister. I understand he has a temper, but you need to either make Sabina do something more infuriating than simply not moving and turning away, or draw this out more, because it’s disorienting and a bit unrealistic.
I can tone down his response a little. Take the threat out of it and just make him raise his voice in a frustrated way…… Take the threats off of either end and have him say, “Sabina! You get down here right this instant!”
This setting doesn’t feel very medieval, either. It feels like it could be more like 19th or 20th century. Either that, or the same setting as your Roman story (I forgot what it’s called, sorry!) that I critiqued before.
Well, those are two very different times periods!! This is in-between. Medieval that is right on the edge of the renaissance era. Sooooo, the first firearms would be invented in some countries in the not to far future. Small crossbows are now a common weapon in the progressing countries, explosives are used, cities have running water with irrigation, etc.
Out of curiosity…. why doesn’t it feel medieval to you?
Riker dropped his voice to a soft whisper. “…I’m home.”
@savannah_grace2009 @linus-smallprint
ok crazies…. here is TURIN who is a TEENAGER and DOESN’T have a beard.
Riker dropped his voice to a soft whisper. “…I’m home.”
Have you caught all the way up? should I post the next section?
Riker dropped his voice to a soft whisper. “…I’m home.”
Okay…I’m so sorry…I’m not the best at critiqueing 😣😭😭😭😭
Actually I’m horrible at it but oh wellOK, in the begining I said that Aaron was 18!! Turin was a year or two older Sabina was 16! Does that fix it???
Well…you should be able to tell a character’s age based on how they act, without the author saying that. Since both me and @linus-smallprint said that we thought they were wayyyy older, you might need to change a bit on how they act. Most 18 year olds are immature. That doesn’t mean he can’t be a missionary because there are ALWAYS exceptions, but an 18 year old as a missionary would be expected to act more like a teenager and make a few more mistakes than he does.
Idk…he just doesn’t seem like a relatable teenager, at least to me. XD
I could see Sabina being 16, the more I think about it, because of the teenage moodiness and the way she hides up on the Baker’s roof, but at least when I first “met” her, I thought she was older.
(I also thought Turin and Sabina were married before I figured out they were SIBLINGS)Maybe your characters just act older than they are, and that’s their personality. That’s totally okay! As long as you put something in there that says that, like “Aaron was often praised for his maturity, and was assumed to be older than he was”. (that was awful prose but hopefully you get what I’m trying to say XD)
I still see Turin as being 25 and I can’t unsee it. even with your drawing, he still looks older. sorry XD
I promise I’m not attacking your characters… I’m just telling you what I personally see. I might be completely off…but that’s just my honest opinion.
But that’s what it is…….
FACEPALM FACEPALM FACEPALM
AHHH this is soooo embarrassing…
I’m soooo sorry!
Nvm then 😐
Aaron had a temper? I don’t think so…….. Aaron’s weakness is doubt and fear of the future. Turin is the one with the temper. Aaron can get frustrated at times, especially when he’s hot, tired, sore, and hungry, but I think any of us could. He does not have a temper.
Okay, but you clearly said he did have a temper earlier, and @shadow said she liked it.
Nice, I’m glad the temper adds more. I didn’t have it much in the first draft, but I took the risk and strengthened it a little more.
I think it would be less confusing if you were consistent XD I just got lost!
“Sabina! You get down here right this instant!”
Yes that works much better!
Out of curiosity…. why doesn’t it feel medieval to you?
I don’t know how to put it into words…the genre and the type of story you’re writing don’t give medival vibes 🤣
See, I told you I was bad at critiqueing!
Yeah I’m all caught up!!!
Lukas&Livia
#Lalbert
Sef&Chase
#HOTTOLINE
LEFSE FOREVER!!!!!! <333Okay, but you clearly said he did have a temper earlier, and @shadow said she liked it.
He was frustrated as anyone would be in the circumstances…… Turin is the one with the wicked temper around here. You can be someone who is naturally very easy going, but who does lose their temper in a certain situation, or at least gets frustrated.
Okay…I’m so sorry…I’m not the best at critiqueing 😣😭😭😭😭Actually I’m horrible at it but oh well
Not true. at all. I’m the one who’s terrible at it!! lol. You’re great!!!
Most 18 year olds are immature.
Most 18 year olds TODAY. In those days a boy would most likely be married between ages 15-18 and would be treated as a man and would be expected to act like a man. A girl was married between the ages of 12-16 most times. Sooooo, they are not modern teenagers. They are men and women in their society and are expected to act as such. (Actually, most of the kids in our church get married between 18 and 25, and they act like adults.)
I still see Turin as being 25 and I can’t unsee it. even with your drawing, he still looks older. sorry XD
Actually…… looks at notes……. Turin is 21. So, you’re only 4 years off.
Ok, I’ll go get the next section. *Takes a look at upcoming sections* Oh boy…. this is gonna be great!
Riker dropped his voice to a soft whisper. “…I’m home.”
@savannah_grace2009 @linus-smallprint
Ok, here’s the next part….. and then things get bad. lol.
Morning dawned, and after breakfast and a time of prayer, the men and boys went off to train with the soldiers.
Turin was a born fighter, and the way of the sword seemed natural and easy to him. Aaron, on the other hand, found sword craft less to his liking. He was not afraid to fight and even die, but he hated the thought of killing. Still, he worked hard and learned well. Aaron and Turin worked together, and the two became quite skilled, though Turin was by far the superior. Aaron also found that his friend was a skilled archer. Shooting a bow was not something Aaron picked up well, and after having his arm winged by the string more times then he wished to count, Turin gave up trying to teach him. “You just haven’t got the technique and there isn’t time. Stick to a sword.”
Each day, Turin and Aaron looked for an opportunity to share their faith with those around them. Some listened, but most said they were too busy. This exasperated Turin to no end. “You blind fools!” he would shout. “Don’t you see the Empire is about to crush us? God is the only hope in all of this!”
Each night, the people of the little village gathered together for worship. Some days, Aaron had one of his students lead this time. Among those Aaron was preparing to be spiritual leaders, Darrien and Noah were the most ready. The two young men were on fire for Christ, and they spoke and taught with wisdom and understanding beyond their years. Aaron knew that God had picked them out for something special. He was preparing them to be strong leaders, and Aaron was sure they would be desperately needed in the time to come.
Noah was twenty, with dark brown hair and eyes. He was the quieter of the two, but was by no means timid. He confessed to Aaron that he had once been addicted to gambling and lived a pointless life, going from one place to the next. He had waisted all his inheritance, gambled away the farm his father and mother had left him, and was completely adrift. He had been passing through the village the day Aaron had come, and when he heard Aaron speak about Christ he knew in his heart it was true. After he accepted Christ he was completely changed. “I finally realized my life had meaning, and I understood how sinful and wasteful I had been. I felt God call me that day, and I couldn’t ignore it. I want to give my life to Him and serve Him in all that I do,” he told Aaron. He now studied with passion, and spoke of God with such zeal, that those who had once known him could hardly believe it was the same young man.
Darrien was eighteen, with black hair and striking dark grey eyes. He had been the son of a rich widower. When his father died, he willed everything to Darrien and placed Darrien under his Uncle’s care until he came of age. Darrien’s uncle was a cruel man who mistreated his nephew and eventually disowned him–– cheating him out of his inheritance and taking the property for himself. Thrown out on the streets at the age of sixteen, Darrien had learned to fend for himself. He had traded and bargained when he could, worked where he was able, and stole when all else failed. He had finally settled down on the outskirts of the village where he had earned a living as a farm hand, hoping to buy his own piece of land one day. He too had been there the day Aaron came and spoke in the village square. He had stayed up all night, listening with wonder. He felt God’s call, and wanted to do all he could to help spread the message of truth. “I was with Noah the day we found the Bible in Old Man Simons’s collection. We both felt the urge to copy it down, and so we set to work. It was so wonderful reading it, and we both knew that everyone needed to be able to do the same. I want to give my whole life to God, and I feel I have only begun the work He has in store for me.” he told Aaron.
Aaron loved to watch them work, study, and teach together, for they were filled with a strong passion for the Lord. Every time he interacted with them, Aaron found himself strengthened by their faith and zeal.
Turin… well Turin was a different matter, and one that confused Aaron at times. Turin had given his life to God, yet he did not have what was needed to be a spiritual leader. He was too inclined to loose his temper, and he seemed to relish the feel of a steel blade in his hand more then words of teaching on his lips. He was a strong warrior, but Aaron felt sure he did not have the makings of a spiritual leader. Still, he taught Turin in the Word, and the young man loved these times of learning. Aaron did not feel right about keeping his fears to himself, yet he was unsure of how to bring up the subject in the right way. After praying about it for several days, God handled the problem for him.
It was one day when the two were walking home from training with the soldiers. Turin suddenly turned to Aaron, “Tell me the truth, do you think I could be a good leader among the people?”
“Well, you are a brave and cunning warrior,” replied Aaron.
“I mean spiritually, like you, Noah, and Darrien.”
“Well,” began Aaron, slowly. Father give me the right words. “No, I… I don’t think so. It is nothing about your faith or your belief in God. I think you are a strong Christian, I just don’t think you are called to be a leader spiritually. The Bible says not all are called to such a task, and this doesn’t mean God won’t use you for His glory in other places. I just don’t think this is what He has for you. Now, I do not know everything, and if you feel He is calling you in this direction, then I will say no more.”
“No,” replied Turin, quietly. “I am glad you spoke freely. It is what I have secretly known for a while now, I just needed to know it wasn’t my fear or suspicion talking. I have felt deep inside that I was meant to do something else.” he looked up at Aaron. “The only reason I kept on in this path was because I didn’t want to lose the time you spent teaching me in the Word.”
“Oh Turin, if you had only said so from the start I would have gladly told you that I have no intention of ending that time,” exclaimed Aaron.
Turin looked relieved, and he smiled. Still, there was a look of questioning in his eyes.
“What is it?” asked Aaron.
Turin sighed and shook his head. “I… I don’t know. It’s just… well I know I’m not meant to lead like you do, but if not that, what else? I have a horrible temper, I’m violent, I act before I think… how can God possibly use me, and why would He even want to?”
Aaron stopped walking and faced his friend. “Turin, you do have weaknesses, but so do I! God chose me to be the only one to bring His Word to your people in their darkest hour! This task has higher stakes then anything I could have imagined. And he chose me, a mere boy plagued by fear of the unknown. Why he didn’t send a strong man like my father I will never know. But he took me and He is working through my weaknesses and making me strong. He is using me to accomplish His will in this country. I am supposed to come to you and tell you the Truth and speak of a God who holds all things in His hands and is in complete control, yet I nearly lose it when I come face-to-face with the unknown. If He can use someone so imperfect for such a task, you can be sure that He has something planned for you.”
Turin looked down and kicked at the cobblestones. “Aaron… I hate to admit this, but sometimes… sometimes I feel like I’m walking on the edge. After I do something like lose my temper, I’m filled with this horrible fear that I’ve finally made my last mistake. I feel like I’m one step from the edge, and I can’t go back to who I once was… yet I can’t escape it!”
“Turin, when you Believed you became a new creation. The old is dead and gone. Christ died for everything you have ever done and ever will do,” Aaron stopped, trying to find the words to say. “Think if it like this, when you lived in sin you were the servant of the enemy. Now, you have changed sides and joined the ranks of Christ. However, the enemy is not going to let you go that easily. He wants you back, Turin, and he is going to throw all the powers of hell at you trying to win you over. He’ll entice you, he’ll tempt you, and if you fall, he’ll try to fill you with such guilt that you lose hope in your salvation. Let me tell it to you plainly; you cannot ever do something that was to evil for Christ’s blood to cover. You can never take one step to far away for Him to reach you. The Psalmist wrote, ‘For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is His steadfast love toward those who fear Him; as far as the east is from the west, so far does He remove our transgressions from us. As a father shows compassion to his children, so the Lord shows compassion to those who fear Him.’ So, now is the times to stand up and fight the devil’s lies with the truth.”
Turin raised his head and looked at Aaron. “A spiritual warrior?”
Aaron grinned. “Yes, a spiritual warrior, armed with the Sword of Truth.”
Riker dropped his voice to a soft whisper. “…I’m home.”
He was frustrated as anyone would be in the circumstances…… Turin is the one with the wicked temper around here. You can be someone who is naturally very easy going, but who does lose their temper in a certain situation, or at least gets frustrated
Ohhh okay 👍
I think I’d just like to see more of Aaron’s flaws whether or not it’s his temper 😂😂
Not true. at all. I’m the one who’s terrible at it!! lol. You’re great!!!
Ummmm I was the one who keeps getting your story COMPLETELY WRONG!!! Sorry again…….I feel soooo bad 😔😔
Most 18 year olds TODAY. In those days a boy would most likely be married between ages 15-18 and would be treated as a man and would be expected to act like a man. A girl was married between the ages of 12-16 most times. Sooooo, they are not modern teenagers
I understand that they had to act that way on the outside cuz that’s just how things were. But your brain doesn’t fully develop until you’re 26. So even though they were forced to live that way (honestly sad to me cuz they never got to grow up :/) there was probably traces of immaturity even if it wasn’t manifested in the same way as it is today.
Your characters just act like they are in their thirties to me at least. I am familiar with medieval vibes buttttttt…..they feel a little TOO mature, even considering that maturity was the norm.
(AND Aaron acts older than Turin XD)
Lukas&Livia
#Lalbert
Sef&Chase
#HOTTOLINE
LEFSE FOREVER!!!!!! <333
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