Home Page › Forums › Fiction Writing › Critiques › Novel Idea Critiques › WIP: Let There Be Light, Book 1 of The Flames of Hope Trilogy
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July 22, 2024 at 5:09 pm #183389
yesss! Idk I just love her sooo much!
I am also shipping her and Aaron so if they don’t kiss at ALL during the whole book I will be sorely disappointed :/
Lukas&Livia
#Lalbert
Sef&Chase
#HOTTOLINE
LEFSE FOREVER!!!!!! <333July 22, 2024 at 5:09 pm #183390*gasp* THAT WAY AARON AND TURIN COULD BE BROTHERS FOR REALZ
Lukas&Livia
#Lalbert
Sef&Chase
#HOTTOLINE
LEFSE FOREVER!!!!!! <333July 22, 2024 at 5:10 pm #183391Her and Aaron? He can’t marry her because she’s not a believer and Aaron will not become unequally yoked. Plus, she hates him.
- This reply was modified 4 months ago by Ellette Giselle.
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
July 22, 2024 at 5:23 pm #183399BUT ONCE HE CONVERTS HER SHE’LL REALIZE SHE LOVES HIM I KNOW IT
and yes I know Sabina will come to her senses eventually!
I won’t lose hope. XD
Lukas&Livia
#Lalbert
Sef&Chase
#HOTTOLINE
LEFSE FOREVER!!!!!! <333July 22, 2024 at 5:25 pm #183401Lol….. we’ll just have to see.
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
July 23, 2024 at 9:58 am #183461@savannah_grace2009 @linus-smallprint @theshadow
Anyone, (specifically Sara because this is her favorite.) Want to see a drawing of Sabina?
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
July 23, 2024 at 10:03 am #183464IS THAT EVEN A QUESTION?!?
of course! I would love love love to!!!!!!!!
- This reply was modified 4 months ago by Sara.
Lukas&Livia
#Lalbert
Sef&Chase
#HOTTOLINE
LEFSE FOREVER!!!!!! <333July 23, 2024 at 10:27 am #183466so sorry, I had to find her.
This is from three years ago, so it’s not very good. i should really redo her.
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
July 23, 2024 at 11:19 am #183468I read the latest part, I don’t have much to say about it, sorry. (Through if there is anything specific you would like to ask us about, I will probably have something to say.)
Nice illustration of Sabina. She looks a little more European than I was expecting, but I guess from what you have said about her country, that makes sense. (I can’t say for sure, but I think I was imagining her with black hair and looking a little older as well) Do you have drawings of Arron and Turin as well?
July 23, 2024 at 11:26 am #183469I’m just basically looking for structure edits right now. This is my 4th draft, and after I go though this I’ll pass it on to my grammar/formatting editor and then move forward into getting it published. so, basically trying to make sure the story is solid, the characters are 3D, and the plot line is interesting and hole-less.
Sabina has brown hair, her brother has black. She is only 16 at this point.
I didn’t draw Aaron. (take that back, i tried to draw Aaron and couldn’t make him look how I imagined so I threw all the drawings away) I did draw Turin….. but it’s a really old drawing….. I don’t know how good it is. Let me go find it.
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
July 23, 2024 at 11:27 am #183470@savannah_grace2009 @linus-smallprint @theshadow
Ok, here is Turin. I am seriously cringing right now. Ugh. I HAVE to redo him.
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
July 23, 2024 at 11:28 am #183471*sobbing* He looks WAY to old!!! I MURDERED him in that drawing.
Why did I post it?
Can I unpost!!!!!??????
ack! He’s horrid!
- This reply was modified 4 months ago by Ellette Giselle.
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
July 23, 2024 at 11:37 am #183473@savannah_grace2009 @linus-smallprint @theshadow
Ok, here is the next part!
“Aaron, Aaron wake up!”
Aaron opened his eyes and blinked in the sunlight. Turin was standing by his bed. Aaron sat up in confusion. He couldn’t remember having gone to bed. “Where are we?”
“In the tavern. You fell asleep yesterday afternoon. It’s now nearly supper time today,” said Turin. “You slept like the dead, there was no waking you, so we thought it best to let you rest.”
Aaron yawned and rubbed his eyes. “I slept that long?”
“Yes, you were completely worn out,” replied Turin. “I wouldn’t have disturbed you, but something happened.”
“What is it? Is the village alright?” asked Aaron, worriedly.
“Oh far better! it is completely changed. The people are eager to hear more and learn how to walk with God. Everyone is showing love and kindness to each other, I have never seen anything like it!” exclaimed Turin.
Aaron smiled. “I am glad, but also afraid. When this newness and wonder wares off, I am worried that they will slip back into their old ways if they do not have the God’s Word with them. It must be read in every home, memorized, and studied diligantly.”
“Aaron, that is what I have come to tell you!” exclaimed Turin. “Old Man Simons collects books, and he was given a very old book by a man who once came through our village many, many years ago. It’s the Bible Aaron! We had no idea he had it! We all decided to pray and ask God to give us a Bible, and Old Man Simons told us we were welcome to look through his collection. He couldn’t promise anything as he has read none of them. Then today, we found it! It took hours, but it was there!”
Aaron scrambled up and slapped his friend on the back. “Praise God! I have a Bible, but I will keep it with me wherever I travel to. Now you have your own!”
“Yes,” laughed Turin. “Even now, all those who can read and write are being gathered. We want to make hundreds and hundreds of copies! So many that you cannot go anywhere without seeing one!”
“And I know what I will do,” said Aaron. “I will teach a small band of young men how to lead the people and teach the word of God.”
***
For three weeks, Aaron stayed in the village with the people, teaching them and helping them. The team in the bindery worked hard, and by the middle of the forth week they had copied the entire New Testament. Several more villagers came to believe, and Aaron could hardly step outside before he was surrounded by the eager people.
It was the fifth week when everything changed.
“Aaron!” cried Turin, dashing into the room where Aaron was studying with a young man.
Aaron looked up. “What is it?”
“Aaron, we have to leave,” panted Turin.
“What do you mean?” asked Aaron, in alarm.
“There is word. Imperial forces have been sighted on the road coming this way, and it is even worse. The city of Endoria has fallen and those who resisted were massacred.” Turin sank slowly into a chair at the table and covered his face with his hands. “We have to go. We have to leave our homes and escape. They will destroy is if we don’t. We… we have to leave everything!”
Aaron was stunned. It really happening! So soon! For the most part the war had been news, but now it was on their doorstep. Aaron finally found his voice. “Where will we go?”
“To the capital,” replied Turin. “Everyone all over the county is seeking refuge in the capital. Once there, every able-bodied man and boy will rally and make a last stand with our prince.”
Aaron laid a hand on his friend’s shoulder. “God will go with us. He knew this would happen, and He knows the outcome. We are safe with Him, and whether we live or die He will never leave us. He is good, and He is sovereign.”
Turin looked up at him. His face was slightly pale, but he nodded. “I trust Him, Aaron.”
Aaron stood up and walked toward the door. “Come, both of you, we must get ready.”
Outside, the people stood in the streets whispering fearfully. When they saw Aaron, they fell silent, wondering what he would say. Aaron walked straight to the village square. He jumped up on the fountain’s rim and raised a hand. The gathered crowd fell silent.
“Brothers and sisters,” began Aaron. “Today we have heard word of another city fallen to the enemy, and of a force marching to our village. All the people of Ardenta are fleeing to the capital where we will make a stand, united together. I know the fear you must feel, and I understand what it is like to leave your home. This will be hard, I know. But, from the beginning of time, God knew this would happen, and He knows what will happen. He has a special path for each of us to walk, and He will be with us forever, never leaving us. Together we will go to the capital and face the enemy. God will be with us, no matter what happens. He will give us the strength we need if we call upon Him.
“All of you must go home. Prepare to leave, but do not take much. We need food and water the most, and bring only a few keepsakes, for the road is long. But, before we separate, let us all spend a moment in prayer together. Then we will go to our homes, prepare, and meet back here. I encourage all of you to pray, and the more who pray aloud the better, for then we can be united in each other’s prayers.”
The people all nodded and murmured their consent.
Aaron looked upward, holding his hands up and out as if to receive something. “Father, we need You. As You know, another city has fallen and the enemy is even now baring down upon us. Please, please help us to all get out safely. Hold back the troops of the enemy or redirect their path. Please Father, I know all things are possible for You. If it is Your will, help us all to escape. Give us peace and strength. Comfort us and prepare us for what we will face. Help us to feel Your presence, be with us, help us to get to the capital if it is Your will. Please Lord, free this country. Help us! Scatter the enemy and send them fleeing before us. Oh Father, this is our greatest desire; that this country might be free. Oh Father, Not our will but Yours! May Your will be done, and help us to accept it with trust, no matter what it may be.”
Turin prayed next, and then one after another the people of the village lifted up their voices to their Heavenly Father. Aaron smiled when he heard even the stumbled words of little children. He knew that whatever happened, he would never want to go back on the decision he had made to live and stand with the people of Ardenta.
When the time of prayer ended, Aaron dismissed the people and they hurried to their homes. They were not as frantic as before, and Aaron sensed the peace that had descended on the village. He stepped down and stood beside Turin.
“Well, I suppose we should go down to the farm,” Turin said, slowly. He looked very lost, and a little dazed.
Aaron laid a hand on his shoulder.
Turin turned to face him. “I couldn’t have done it before,”
“Done what?” asked Aaron.
“Left. I wouldn’t have gone. This is all I have, and it is my home. It was the most important thing to me. We are Ardentans, Aaron. We do not leave our land. Our homes are passed from generation to generation, our boundaries marked from the beginning. We do not leave. I would have died defending my farm. We all would have died, spread out and alone, fighting for ourselves. I can tell you now, there will be few who come to the capital. My people would rather die on the land that they have never left, then abandon it.” Turin shook his head. “It probably seems silly to you, but this has been the way of our people from the beginning. We do not easily change.”
“So, what did change?” asked Aaron. “Why are you ready to go now?”
“I finally see that this is not my true home,” replied Turin. “I am willing to leave if Christ goes with me.”
Aaron nodded slowly and looked out over the square. “I guess I don’t really know what it’s like, but I think I might have felt a little bit of what you must be going through when I left my home.” He shook his head slowly and then looked about. “Where is Sabina?”
“Probably on the Baker’s roof. She likes it up there, and the Baker’s daughter is her friend. Well, I should say was her friend. Sabina won’t talk to her now that she’s a Believer,” replied Turin. He let out an exasperated sigh. “I don’t understand it! Why doesn’t she believe?”
“Fear of the unknown, of no longer being what she believes is independent. It’s the devil. He is attacking her with lies and she is believing them. Only by God’s grace can she be saved,” replied Aaron. “She cannot possible come on her own. It won’t be until he reaches out and opens her blind eyes that she will finally see the truth.”
Turin nodded. “Well, lets go get her and make ready to leave.”
The two young men walked down to the Baker’s shop, and sure enough, there was Sabina. She was sitting on the roof with her knees drawn up to her chest and her arms wrapped around them.
“Sabina,” called Turin. “Come down, we have to go.”
Sabina deliberately turned away.
“Sabina come,” commanded Turin, firmly.
She did not move.
Turin’s eyes narrowed. “Why you little–– Sabina! You get down here right this instant! Get down or I’ll––”
Aaron laid a hand on Turin’s arm and gave him a warning look. Turin let out a slow angry breath.
“She’s hurting Turin. She feels like she has lost you, and now she’s loosing her home,” said Aaron in a low voice. “She doesn’t have the hope that you now have. Think of what it must be like!”
“If she wasn’t so stubborn she wouldn’t feel that way,” shot back Turin in an angry whisper.
“Turin, show her love. Ask God to take away your frustration and replace it with His love for her. It may be that He will use you to bring Sabina to Himself,” said Aaron.
Turin clenched and unclenched his fists. Closing his eyes, he slowly let out his frustration in a long breath. Then, he nodded and walked toward the shop. Turin jumped and caught hold of the low roof, pulling himself up. He came toward Sabina and sat down beside her.
Aaron turned and walked away, knowing it would be best to leave them alone. He walked down the road and out of the village. He soon came to the farm and climbed up to his loft room. Aaron pushed open a window to give himself some light, and then stood and looked about. It had been a crazy month, yet a wonderful one. Aaron began packing his satchel. As he worked, he began to think.
Despite the strong words he had spoken in the square, Aaron felt overwhelmed and confused. It was easy to be faithful when others were watching, and looking up to him for guidance. It was much harder when he was alone. Aaron didn’t understand why God was letting this happen, and he was frustrated and scared. He hated the thought of being separated from his father and sister by force. He had known the risk when he chose to leave them and the safety of his country, but he had always felt that it wouldn’t really get as bad as all that. He would always have a way out; a way back. Now, he was trapped with killers on every side, and he was about to flee to a capital where they would make a last stand. It had all the makings of a massacre, and Aaron didn’t think he was ready for that.
Aaron picked up his Bible from where he had set it on the floor while gathering his things. As he turned, his boot caught on a loose board and he stumbled, falling hard to the floor. Aaron shook his head and slowly pushed himself up. He spotted his Bible, face up, having fallen with it’s pages open. Aaron picked it up and was about to close it when his eye caught the words of a passage. Slowly he sat back down, his eyes sweeping over the page and his heart drinking in the words.
‘Remember those earlier days after you had received the light, when you endured in a great conflict full of suffering. Sometimes you were publicly exposed to insult and persecution; at other times you stood side by side with those who were so treated. You suffered along with those in prison and joyfully accepted the confiscation of your property, because you knew that you yourselves had better and lasting possessions. So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what He has promised. For, “In just a little while, He who is coming will come and will not delay.”And, “But My righteous one will live by faith. And I take no pleasure in the one who shrinks back.” But we do not belong to those who shrink back and are destroyed, but to those who have faith and are saved.’
Aaron sat still. He had been in doubt, full of confusion and fear. Outwardly he had said the right things, but inside he had not been trusting his Heavenly Father. Yet here, when he needed it most and hadn’t even asked, God gave him this passage. Not only did the words fill him with strength and fresh resolve, but the fact that God knew what he needed and sent it at the very moment Aaron was struggling, reminded him who was in control and who was watching over him.
“Father, I’m sorry,” Aaron said quietly. “I shouldn’t have doubted. My path is unclear and I can’t see what lies ahead, but You can. You know what will happen, and You will never leave me. That is enough. Oh Father help me to remember that it is enough. Thank You for helping me now, even when I neglected to ask for help. Please give us strength, keep us safe and help us.”
Aaron got to his feet and picked up his pack. He put his Bible in, and slung the pack on his back. Aaron climbed down the ladder and walked out of the barn. He hurried to the house and found Sabina and Turin. Turin had a leather rucksack on his back, and stood with a set face. Sabina was gathering a few last items from the kitchen. Aaron could see she had been crying.
The three soon finished and set out for the village. Many had already gathered in the square, and the last stragglers ran to join them. When everyone arrived, they began to leave the village. Aaron walked with Turin and Sabina somewhere in the middle of the company. Several men and women pushed wheelbarrows carrying possessions or children. One horse and cart belonging to the village headman passed with his wife and daughters. Two pack ponies were led by along, their backs stacked high with supplies for the journey. Aaron had to step out of the way as two boys raced down the road, pulling handcarts loaded with a few possessions. However, most of the people carried what they owned in rucksacks or satchels so as to move faster.
As Aaron looked about, he couldn’t help but think of the Israelites, on their flight from Egypt, their journey to the promised land, and the many journeys to and from exile.
Through every situation, God had been there, protecting and guiding them. Aaron knew that same God would be with them today. Help me to never forget, Father.
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
July 23, 2024 at 12:32 pm #183501I am laughing right now, mostly because I relate to drawing a character, looking back on it, and realizing how awful it looks. Yup, I’ve been there before. If it makes you feel better, I was imagining Turin looking even older for whatever reason, perhaps in his forties despite the fact you mentioned he was a young man. I also imagined him with a full beard.
I can understand Turin’s frustration with his sister. He’s believed and wants her to believe. Her also seeing his faith as a betrayal has got to hurt him as well. He can now see that trusting in Christ is a good thing, and so his sister seeing it as a bad thing confuses him. She, on the other hand, thinks he’s gone crazy. Jesus did say he was not to bring peace, but a sword. A sword that divides families against each other. I think you have done a good job of creating that rift here.
I was wondering when the Empire was going to cause more problems.
July 23, 2024 at 12:37 pm #183507I am laughing right now, mostly because I relate to drawing a character, looking back on it, and realizing how awful it looks. Yup, I’ve been there before.
Oh dear…. it’s horrible!
If it makes you feel better, I was imagining Turin looking even older for whatever reason, perhaps in his forties despite the fact you mentioned he was a young man. I also imagined him with a full beard.
YUCK!!! You sir, do not pay attention to descriptions!!!! A full beard! UGH! No! He’s nineteen or twenty!
I’m glad that the conflict is believeable. I find that too often books seem to miss this true internal conflict and try to create other things to drive wedges and forget that often times faith (or lack of) can do this.
I was wondering when the Empire was going to cause more problems.
Oh you’ve seen nothing……..
Man is born for the fight, to be forged and molded into a sharper, finer, stronger image of God
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