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Ha!! LOVE IT!!!!
Standing there and watching like everyone else. She’s not the main point of this scene.
Want the next one?
Riker dropped his voice to a soft whisper. “…I’m home.”
here ya go.
Aaron couldn’t breathe. He braced himself, knowing full well that there was nothing he could do. Is this really how it ends? He wondered.
“Wait! He’s not a spy!” yelled Turin. “I swear it by the standing stone!”
Everyone froze, and in the silence that followed the sound of the trickling fountain was deafening.
At last, a voice spoke. “What did you just say?”
“You heard me,” retorted Turin, but Aaron could hear the slight tremor in his voice.
The men pulled Aaron up but two held him fast. Aaron sucked in a breath of relief, silently thanking God that he was still alive. Then he looked at Turin. The young Ardentan stood alone by the fountain, for the villagers had backed away from him. One man, who seemed to be the leader, stepped forward. “Turin Alvarson, do you understand the weight of your words?”
“I do,” said Turin, steadily.
“It has been nigh over thirty years since someone dared to swear by the standing stone.”
“I am aware,” Turin replied.
Whispers ran through the crowd and several children began asking their parents what was going on. Aaron watched Turin uneasily. He knew how rash the young man was, and now he feared that he had gotten himself in terrible trouble. Oh Lord help us, please reach these people, and don’t let Turin do anything else rash!
“Turin, son of Alvar, you have before you the chance to take back your words spoken in haste,” said the Village Headman.
Turin faced him squarely. “I meant what I said.”
From the crowd a girl whimpered, and Aaron darted a glance toward the sound. Sabina was watching, her face pale as death.
Turin turned and strode across the square. The people followed, the two men still keeping a tight hold on Aaron. They left the village and there found a large, smooth stone driven into the ground. Aaron guessed it to be some sort of boundary marker.
Turin stepped forward, but the Village Headman grabbed his arm. “Don’t do this,” he said in a low voice. “You know they will require your life.”
“I am not wrong,” replied Turin. “I have no fear of them.” He pulled away and stepped forward. Raising his right hand high, he spoke. “Aaron Dalvarian is no Imperial Spy. He is a messenger of hope come to us in our time of greatest need. He has come to bring us the truth. A truth that brings the dead to life and sets the captives free.”
The people murmured, but their tone was wary and some shook their heads.
Turin waited a moment, his hand still in the air. Then, he turned and brought his open palm down on the stone. Several people gasped and everything went still.
In the silence, Turin spoke. “I swear by the standing stone, the first mark of this village, that Aaron is not an Imperial Spy. I vouch for him and invoke protector’s rights. If I speak truth, then he and I shall live. If I have been false, he shall die. And I will pay for my treachery with my life. My blood shall be on my own hands, and the men of this village shall be guiltless of it.”
The Village Headman stepped forward and took Turin’s wrist, raising his right hand for the people to see. “Before these witnesses, Turin son of Alvar has invoked protector’s rights on the standing stone. You have all seen it, it is your duty to hold him to his oath, and spill his blood if he has spoken false.”
“It is our duty and we will bare it,” the people replied.
The Village Headman turned to the men holding Aaron. “Release him.”
The men let Aaron go and he stepped away from them. Aaron came to Turin’s side, and the young man laid his right hand on Aaron’s shoulder. “You are under my protection, and whoever harms you forfeits his life unless I am proven wrong.”
“Let it be so,” the people replied.
Turin gripped Aaron’s shoulder and gave him a nod. Then, he let go and turned to face to crowd. “Come, let us go back to the village and hear the message of truth Aaron has risked so much to bring to us.”
They returned to the village, the people whispering and speaking in low voices as they went. Aaron looked up at his friend. “Turin, you shouldn’t have done that!” he whispered.
“Is this when you tell me you actually are a spy?” chuckled Turin.
“No! But Turin, the people may not believe me. If they don’t, they’ll kill you!”
Turin shrugged. “Then my blood is on their hands, for I have spoken the truth.”
“It’s doesn’t matter who’s blood is on who’s hands!” whispered Aaron, hotly. “What matters is that you’ll be dead!”
“Then I’ll meet my Savior face to face,” replied Turin, calmly. “I’m not afraid anymore, Aaron. I’m ready to face whatever comes.”
Aaron let out a long breath. “I just wish there had been another way.”
“They would have killed you if I hadn’t said that,” replied Turin. “It’s a very old custom, but my people do not easily forget. There is no stronger oath then that of the standing stone, for it marks the dawn of our settlement. And, as I’m sure you have noticed, our land is very important to us.”
Aaron shook his head. “What if they won’t listen to me?”
Turn looked squarely at Aaron. “You came to my village with no thought for yourself. You were ready to face anything, even after I warned you several times. You have done all of this for the sake of our Lord. I am ready to do the same. My people need to hear the truth, and if I must die for it, then so be it.”
They had arrived in the village square again and the two came to a stop beside the fountain. Turin placed a hand on Aaron’s shoulder. “Oh God be with us,” murmured Aaron. “Soften the hearts of the people, speak through me, and please keep Turin safe.”
Turin slapped his back. “Go ahead Aaron, I’ll try to help down below.”
Aaron looked Turin in the eye. “Thank you.”
Turin nodded and Aaron turned. Stepping up onto the wide ledge of the fountain Aaron faced the people. They stared back at him with distrust and suspicion. And Aaron saw several men had formed a perimeter around the square. There would be no escape for him and Turin should things go wrong. Aaron took a deep breath.“People of Ardenta, my name is Aaron Dalvarian. I have traveled from Vendailia to bring you a message of hope and life.”
Riker dropped his voice to a soft whisper. “…I’m home.”
LOVE IT!
hehehe Aaron I told you so 🙄🙄
Lukas&Livia
#Lalbert
Sef&Chase
#HOTTOLINE
LEFSE FOREVER!!!!!! <333Did you read the newest one I posted? The one with Turin?
Riker dropped his voice to a soft whisper. “…I’m home.”
Ok, I would love thoughts about what he did and also what that reveals of his character. In the original draft some friends mentioned he lost a lot of his fighting spirit after he became a Christian and also wasn’t as rash. It should be tempered but not destroyed. Ya know. Idk, what do you think about him invoking protector’s rights?
Also, how is the response of the villagers? Does it make sense?
Riker dropped his voice to a soft whisper. “…I’m home.”
Yeah it makes sense! I think it was really well written.
Lukas&Livia
#Lalbert
Sef&Chase
#HOTTOLINE
LEFSE FOREVER!!!!!! <333Good. I’m glad.
Any idea what’s going to happen now? lol.
Riker dropped his voice to a soft whisper. “…I’m home.”
Something bad.
Very bad.
I can feel it in my very bones.
Lukas&Livia
#Lalbert
Sef&Chase
#HOTTOLINE
LEFSE FOREVER!!!!!! <333call it reader/writer intuition…
Lukas&Livia
#Lalbert
Sef&Chase
#HOTTOLINE
LEFSE FOREVER!!!!!! <333Turlay? I don’t know if you’ve read the Wingfeather Saga, but this was similar to what Turin did.
I think this reveals a bit about Turin. It seems either he trusts people, or he doesn’t. If you are a stranger, he is going to be suspicious of you. If you manage to earn his trust, you have a loyal friend who is willing to protect you. I don’t know what your character was like in your first draft, but it has always annoyed me when characters seem extra good after being saved. Does the Holy Spirit transform us? Yes, He does and when we are saved, we are a new creature in Christ. But sometimes we do fall back into sinful habits, and in this life, we will never be perfect. Seeing Turin’s aggressive behaviour with the knife shows that he still is falling back into old habits, but his hesitation when he realizes what he is doing shows that he is a bit different now. This rashness then gets turned into something good when Turin decides to put his own life at stake for the sake of the gospel. I think what you have here is good.
YESSSSSSSSSS I LOVE THAT SCENE!!!!!!!!!
in case you didn’t notice.
Wow! I love these thoughts! Everything that you said was EXACTLY spot on to what I wanted you (the reader) to get from this scene! I LOSE IT when characters become super Christians, cupids and choir boys, or milksops after they become Christians. I think I was unsure how to show Turin’s aggressiveness while showing his change, and I think I toned it down a little too much. I’m glad I fixed it this time through.
Riker dropped his voice to a soft whisper. “…I’m home.”
Wow, that went from 0 to 100 real quick lol. Those scenes were great, Turin’s character has definitely grown on me. I have to agree with you, it’s really annoying when Christians are portrayed as perfect with no flaws whatsoever. I know for a fact I’m not perfect XD
"No! Monkeys should have pets, all monkeys should have pets!"
Thank you!! Yes, It took a minute to kick the plot off the ground, but I wanted the slower start. This way the action could actully build and not be overwhelming. Ya know.
Ah, so is Turin the favorite?
Riker dropped his voice to a soft whisper. “…I’m home.”
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