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The newest section was really good!! I don’t have any critiques for it, I like Aaron’s character a lot so far, and the point about God making the seed grow. I also liked how Aaron was afraid but trusted God, it felt realistic. Nice job!
"No! Monkeys should have pets, all monkeys should have pets!"
Right-o. Fixing that.
Ok, yeah. I can definitely give a little bit more of an overview of the world in the beginning. Thanks for the tip.
Riker dropped his voice to a soft whisper. “…I’m home.”
@linus-smallprint @theshadow @savannah_grace2009
Next section!!
It was nearly dark when the two rose to head back to the house. Turin laid a hand on Aaron’s shoulder. “Aaron, I am sorry,” he said.
“What for?” asked Aaron.
“For the way I have treated you and encouraged Sabina to treat you. We were both wrong, and I am most to blame,” said Turin.
“I forgive you,” said Aaron. He smiled. “It is good to hear my name spoken after so long,” he added.
Turin grinned. “Lets go get something to eat… stranger.”
Aaron shoved him and the two hurried across the fields.
“I can’t believe it!” cried Turin. “I feel so… so free!”
“I have prayed so long for this,” said Aaron. He slapped Turin on the back. “Now we are both children of God, which makes you my brother.”
The two hurried into the house and washed up. Sabina watched them from the corner of the room, her eyes narrowed. When Turin turned toward her she put her hands on her hips and gave him a raised eyebrow look. Turin was filled with a wild newfound joy and freedom. Unable to resist, he crossed swiftly to Sabina’s side, lifted her off her feet and kissed her cheek.
Sabina gasped and pushed him away, staring at him as if he was crazy.
“That smells wonderful Sabina!” exclaimed Turin. “Doesn’t it Aaron! Is there anything we can do to help?” he asked his sister, who was gaping at him open mouthed.
“N-no,” she stammered.
“Are you sure?” asked Turin.
“Yes, and keep your dirty hands off me,” Sabina snapped. She spun on her heal and retreated with dignity and speed to the kitchen.
Turin turned to Aaron, who was grinning broadly. “Well, that wasn’t exactly the reaction I had expected,” said Turin slowly.
“Oh, it fits,” replied Aaron, glancing over to where Sabina worked. “You normally walk in with out a word or glance, and then suddenly you come in laughing, calling me by name, and hugging your sister and asking if she wants help. She probably thinks you’ve gone mad.”
Turin smiled slowly. “Yes, I suppose she does,” he said. “I wish it wasn’t so shocking, I wish I had been kinder to her before,” he added regretfully.
“Now is your chance to start again,” said Aaron.
That night, as they sat around the table, Aaron looked over at Turin. “May I ask a blessing?”
Turin nodded.
Aaron smiled and bowed his head. “Father, thank You for providing this meal, bless Sabina for preparing it for us, and thank You for Turin’s decision today. Amen.”
Sabina stared from Aaron to Turin and back again, her eyes full of confusion and suspicion. Turin looked up at Aaron. “You may sleep in my room tonight,” he said. “I should have offered it sooner.”
“Oh no, the barn in fine for me,” said Aaron. “But thank you Turin.”
After the meal, the boys cleared the dishes and helped Sabina put things away. The whole time Sabina stayed well out of reach of her brother, watching him with anxiety.
Turin walked with Aaron out to the barn and handed him a lantern. “Just keep it out of the hey.”
Aaron took it. “Thank you.”
“Well, I guess I’ll go back to the house and try to talk with Sabina. I can’t see it going ver well,” sighed Turin.
“Any time you want to talk come find me,” said Aaron.
“Thank you,” replied Turin.
**********
The next day passed with work in the fields. Aaron told Turin many Bible stories, explained things he did not understand, and encouraged him with verse from the Bible. He told Turin about himself and his home. Aaron did most of the talking, but Turin encouraged it, preferring to listen rather then talk. When they stopped to eat lunch, Aaron decided to ask Turin a question. “Turin, what makes your people so dislike strangers? Why are they so…” he trailed off, searching for the right word.
“Unfriendly,” finished Turin.
Aaron nodded.
“We are a very small country but we have made it a beautiful one. We are a quiet people and do not easily make friends. The more people who try to take us over the less we like strangers. Now that the empire is attacking us we are even less likely to accept newcomers,” replied Turin. “We wish to live alone, and leave the rest of the world to itself. Let them fight, plan discover, reform, build and tare down, rise and fall. All we wish for is good land to farm, safety to raise our families, fair rulership, and peace.”
Aaron nodded slowly. They continued working for a time. At last, Aaron brought himself to ask another question. “Turin, what happened to your parents?”
Turin winced, and Aaron immediately regretted the question. “You don’t have to tell me.”
“No, it’s alright” replied Turin. “They died from a sickness that swept through our village. I was sixteen at the time. One disadvantage to shutting ourselves out of the rest of the world is that we must discover for ourselves things many others have already learned. At the time, medicines had been found to fight such a fever in many countries. But, we had no knowledge of this. What was a small matter in places like your country became a plague that wiped out almost a third of our country, including my parents. Sabina and I stayed here and continued to live off the land. What else could we do? This farm has passed from father to son for longer then can be remembered. That is the way of our people. To leave the land of my fathers would be unthinkable.”
“I’m so sorry,” said Aaron. “I understand what it’s like to loose your parents, but at least I was adopted by a good man, whereas you had to fend for yourselves. I can’t image that”
Turin looked up. “Not anymore. God is my Father now.”
Aaron nodded. “Yes He is.”
They worked in silence. Finally, Aaron looked up. “So, what did Sabina say when you talked to her last night?”
“She was confused and shocked,” replied Turin. “I don’t think she was angry, but she still doesn’t really like you, and she doesn’t understand why I suddenly do. She listened quietly when I told her about God, but she is not ready to accept Him.”
Aaron nodded. After a few moments, he spoke again. “Turin, I want to go to your village and speak to the people. Will you take me?”
Turin did not reply for a long moment. “They probably wont listen. You will look too strange and would stand out too much.”
Aaron glanced down at his clothes. “Isn’t this what you wear?”
“It isn’t the clothes, it’s you,” replied Turin.
“What do you mean?” asked Aaron.
“No one in Ardenta has blue eyes, and no one has fair hair. You have both, they will definitely notice. Also, you are not built like us, you are not as tall as we are, nor as broad-shouldered. You look very different,” said Turin. “In fact, you look a lot like the men of the Empire.”
“Oh,” replied Aaron slowly. “Well, I don’t think I can change that. Will no one listen?”
“They may,” replied Turin slowly. “I will try to help you. But they will think you are a spy, and it will be dangerous. I might not be able to protect you.”
“Then you’ll take me?” asked Aaron.
Turin sighed. “I would rather not, Aaron. I’m young and my voice does not have much standing in the village yet. Bide here a while longer. Perhaps… perhaps I could try to get some of the men on my side.”
“How long would that take?” demanded Aaron.
“I don’t know. Several months. A year maybe. I would have to move with caution.”
“Turin, with the war progressing as it is I don’t think I have that time. I have to move now,” replied Aaron.
Turin shook his head. “Alright Aaron. Have it your way. But remember, there is only so much I can do.”
“You’re right, but there is no limit to what God can do,” replied Aaron.
Riker dropped his voice to a soft whisper. “…I’m home.”
Aaron….
BAD IDEA 😬😬😬
my guy you’re gonna get yourself killed :/
Lukas&Livia
#Lalbert
Sef&Chase
#HOTTOLINE
LEFSE FOREVER!!!!!! <333yes I think so
I KNOW so
Aaron I’m warning you…don’t make me say I told you so…I care about you too much to let you do this…
Lowkey stressing over here
Lukas&Livia
#Lalbert
Sef&Chase
#HOTTOLINE
LEFSE FOREVER!!!!!! <333Oooo, you care about him already!!! That’s AWESOME!!!
Hmm, I think I’ll wait a day or two to post the next scene……….
Riker dropped his voice to a soft whisper. “…I’m home.”
NO
DON’T DO THIS TO ME
or else I’ll get my revenge when my story gets REALLY intense
(you haven’t seen anything yet…hehehe)
Lukas&Livia
#Lalbert
Sef&Chase
#HOTTOLINE
LEFSE FOREVER!!!!!! <333Is that a threat? Do that and I will give you the climax chapter and then wait FIVE MONTHS to post the rest. So there. I can play this game too ya’ know.
Ok, give me a second. or two. or three. or fifty. I have to check it over for super bad edit mistakes.
Riker dropped his voice to a soft whisper. “…I’m home.”
I have all the time in the world girl…don’t try me…
If tested I will resort to extreme methods
Like refusing to post anything until I get it PUBLISHED hehehe
Lukas&Livia
#Lalbert
Sef&Chase
#HOTTOLINE
LEFSE FOREVER!!!!!! <333For the sake of the other poor innocent KPers who are also interested in my writing, I’ll back off.
Riker dropped his voice to a soft whisper. “…I’m home.”
What just happened here?
I like how Turin calls Arron ‘stranger’ once more.
Typo alert here:
“Well, I guess I’ll go back to the house and try to talk with Sabina. I can’t see it going ver well,” sighed Turin.
Ah, thank you for that.
as for what just happened…… it was just some innocent girl chatter that I’m afraid you wouldn’t understand. *blinks sweetly and puts on innocent face*
Riker dropped his voice to a soft whisper. “…I’m home.”
@linus-smallprint @theshadow @savannah_grace2009
Annnnnd the next scene!
The next morning, Aaron and Turin got up early. After breakfast began their walk to the village. Turin told Sabina to come with them, saying it was to keep her safe. Secretly he hoped she would believe when she heard Aaron speak.
When the three arrived, Aaron found many stares directed his way and heard whispers behind his back. As Turin had said, all the men and boys who had reached their full hight were at least three inches taller then him, and some of the women and girls beat him by an inch or two. And, most striking of all, there was not a single blonde or blue eyed person––– man, women, or child–– among them. Aaron tried not to pay attention to the looks directed his way, but he could not help quickly categorizing them into three groups; fear, curiosity, and hostility.
Turin stopped in the village square and jumped up on the wide edge of the fountain that graced it’s center. Aaron couldn’t help noticing that even though they were in a small village, the houses and buildings were built with skill and beauty. Turin cupped his hands around his mouth. “People of Ardenta!” he called. “This stranger, Aaron Dalvarian, as traveled all the way from Vendailia to bring us a message; a message of hope and salvation.” Turin held out a hand toward Aaron.
The crowd had moved back, leaving a wide half circle around the fountain. Aaron stepped into it, forcing himself to stay calm. As he turned his back on the crowd, something whistled passed his head and struck against the fountain. Aaron whirled about in time to see a young man standing on a roof, a bow in his hand. “Stay where you are!” he yelled down at Aaron.
“No, leave him be!” called back Turin. “He is not of the Empire, he’s Vendailian.”
Several men had stepped free of the crowd and were moving toward Aaron. Aaron took two steps back, coming up against the fountain. Oh Lord help me!
One of the young men lunged and grabbed Aaron’s arm. The next moment Turin had leapt down and delivered such a strong punch that the Ardentan let go and reeled back with a cry, falling into one of his companions.
“If you want him, come and get him!” yelled Turin. He drew his knife and stood poised to defend Aaron.
“No Turin, don’t!” yelled Aaron. “These are your people! Don’t hurt them!”
One of the men ran at Turin and he spun, yanking back his arm to stab. Aaron grabbed his friend’s wrist, wrenching it sideways. Hot pain flashed across his arm but he twisted the knife away from it’s intended target. “Turin stop!” he yelled.
Turin shoved Aaron off and spun, his knife flashing. He grabbed his attacker and slammed him down onto his back.
“Turin don’t do it!” shouted Aaron. “They are not the enemy, they are your people!”
Turin stopped short, his knife poised. Slowly he released his attacker, her scrambled up and backed off.
“Turin, drop the knife,” said Aaron, forcing his voice to stay level.
Turin turned and looked at Aaron. Strands of sweat soaked hair had slipped over his forehead and his vest had been yanked askew in the tussle.
“Turin, put down the knife. There will be no fighting,” said Aaron.
Turin looked about him and it seemed that for the first time he realized where he was. He dropped the blade and stepped back, a look of horror crossing his face.
Aaron let out a breath of relief.
The next moment, several men had rushed on Aaron. They grabbed him and thrust him back so that he was bent over the fountain. For a moment Aaron struggled to get free, but he knew it was pointless. He heard the sound of a blade being drawn, and the next moment one of the men had pushed his head back over the fountain’s rim. “Now, spy, you die,” he spat.
Riker dropped his voice to a soft whisper. “…I’m home.”
The Jonathan Park cliffhanger music is going through my head after that last scene. What was Sabina doing during this?
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